The Courtesan's Tip of the Month: Naughty Notes

Remember those feelings of anticipation you had as you planned your first sexual encounter with a new partner? Imagination can add a lot of excitement to a potential romance and long before you and your intended hit the bedroom, you can build that anticipation with a few simple messages.

Try dropping your lover a sexy IM or naughty notecard detailing what you'd like to do to him, or what you'd like him to do to you . . . You might even design a coupon for your partner giving him permission to try the position or sexual role play of his choice. (And if you are a professional escort, a naughty coupon for a discount or a freebie is a nice way to reward a regular client and encourage him to return again and again!) Try it in RL, too, by leaving a note in your partner's bag, briefcase, or pocket.

By building your lover's (and your own!) anticipation, you will find yourself all warmed up for an night of passion that will make the earth move for both of you.

Lately I've been kissing people I'm not married to...

SL is a strange place. You can get immediately and intimately connected with people you barely know. Now I am not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, and lord knows I am not likely to give up doing so myself, but I read a post a while ago on Salon.com that reminded me of what the unintended consequences could be for SL relationships.

Salon.com has an advice column (generally witty, always interesting) written by Cary Tennis. This offering is "Lately I've been kissing women I'm not married to," a lament from a married man who finds himself wanting to act out his fantasies of making out with strangers... here's a small piece:

My situation is this: I think of myself as happily married. My wife and I have a good relationship. Our sex life is just fine. Why have I done this? My recurring fantasy is going out with a woman from work and we end up at her place after drinks, fooling around. Pretty vanilla, I know. But that's me! The situation this week followed my fantasy to a T, which I clearly found exciting. But my fantasy always goes further than what actually happened this week. I/we stopped it in its tracks because I/we knew it was wrong. But why wasn't I smart enough to stop it earlier, when we were having drinks and were both giving clear signals to each other? I would understand if I was unhappy in my marriage. That is why I find my behavior so stupid. What is my problem? 

Serial Kisser 

Dear Serial Kisser,
What is your problem? Your problem is that if you continue to kiss women you are not married to, soon you will no longer be married. That is the usual outcome with the kissing of attractive women you are not married to. You are evidently aware of this in some dim way. That would be why this hobby of yours is not bringing you unalloyed pleasure but instead a pleasure tinged with a dollop of piquant dread. . . . I mean, it's understandable what's been happening. Get a few drinks in you and you want to kiss people. It's natural. Nothing wrong with that per se, except you're married. You know the rules. You knew the rules when you signed up. Nobody forced you to sign up. You signed up on your own. There are a lot of people you don't get to kiss now. It's tough, I know. But those are the rules. 

If Cary is correct, well, there are a lot of us breaking those rules by our actions in our SL lives. So the ultimate question becomes: is having a relationship in SL a threat to an RL relationship? I personally know of at least 2 RL couples playing in SL who have come close to the brink of separation/divorce and may yet tip over it. These are RL married couples who play separately in SL and have SL relationships with SL partners other than their RL ones. And in both cases each partner has one or more SL sweetie, someone other than their RL one. It should also be said that in each case the RL relationship was in someways dysfunctional before anyone got involved with anyone else in SL.
There are also cases of people getting involved with SL partners to the exclusion and alienation of their RL spouses. An August 10, 2007 article in the Wall Street Journal, "Is this Man Cheating on his Wife?", tells the story of one guy who has in effect traded his RL for his SL, spending full days on the computer in SL with his other wife, an SL partner. Andrew Vogel's response, in his blog Spunlogic, tells us:

According to family law experts and marital counselors, though, the Hoogestraats’ deteriorating marriage is not an isolated case. The article cites that an increasing number of marriages are crumbling because of “virtual infidelity.” This begs the question, if virtual marriages are causing real life marriage trouble, are the virtual marriages all that virtual?

And there is the crux of the issue. Secondlife isn't just a game anymore. There are real people and real feelings on the other side of that avatar. Just like you can pick up a one-night stand in a bar, you can pick one up in SL. And just like that one-time good time in RL can lead to something serious so can an SL relationship become serious. 

So what is the answer? Telling everyone--telling ourselves--"Hey! Don't do that!" Oh yeah, that'll work. Look. Let's face it. There is a huge divorce rate in this country. And why? Because Americans throw something out and get a new one when it doesn't work anymore. Here's a notion. Maybe the SL relationship can save the RL one that isn't working? Don't get enough sex at home? Have an affair or hire an escort in SL. No diseases, no mess, not expensive, not illegal. But don't expect a full time SL relationship AND a full time RL one. I'm not saying you can't have both--just that you have to be able to balance what you want with what you can realistically have. And be really sure, if you find you have to choose between the two, you are making the right choice--in full understanding of the effects of your choices on you, on the people in your real life, and on your SL lovers.

The good, the bad, and the beautiful

Odd day yesterday. Some very good things--I was given an amazing gift by a special lover. Some bad things--my desktop computer crashed and burned and is gone, which lead to an argument with another lover.

Bad: I lost track of what day was what, thus confusing my commitments. (I am told that is part of the "SL effect"--the phenomenon whereby things in SL seem more real than things in RL and--if you are not careful--your fantasy can take over your reality.)

Good: I got more (or better) sleep last night than I have had in a week.

Bad: So many men, So little time. Good: Amazing men! One who makes me feel beloved. One who makes me laugh, a lot, to whom I can talk about anything, even RL. One who looks out for me.

Bad: I need to go computer shopping. Good: I'd been planning on buying a new computer anyway, and have the cash. Bad: I have 2 weeks worth of not-backed up files on the hard drive I can't access. Good: I have a access to a great IT department. Bad: I don't have time for this. Good: I can buy more RAM and a better graphics card and a faster processor. Bad: if I buy off the shelf, I am stuck with Windows Vista and SL doesn't run in Vista (neither does my RL wireless access). And if I order, there is the wait. Good: ???

Ever have one of those days when your brain keeps going around in circles?

The Beautiful. . . On the other hand, it is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, remarkable thunderstorms last night cleared the air and watered my gardens. I have many beautiful friends, lovers--physically handsome people, with beautiful hearts, and incredible minds (yes, you ... you know who you are!). Life is good.

So my dears, remember the adage of Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

Come dance with me?

Song du Jour: "Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5

Chanson de la Semaine: "It Can't Rain All The Time" by Jane Siberry

When I'm lonely
I lie awake at night
and I wish you were here
I miss you
Can you tell me
Is there something more to believe in?
Or is this all there is?

. . . It's so hard to believe that
love will prevail.

The Winter White Ball at Amatsu

Last night was the Winter White Ball in Amatsu Mitsukai to celebrate the New Year, hosted by Amari Gable and Razi Semple of Angel Dorai and Semple Truth. Amatsu is primarily an Asian sim, with a harbor fishing village and market, mountain temples, a museum, and a geisha training school and tea house. Beautiful anytime of the year (see a picture of me in kimono at the bottom of this blog page), it was especially beautiful last night decked with the crystal white and royal blues of winter. Formal was required but it ran the gamut from kimono to ballgown to fantasy. There's me in the foreground in my new ice princess gown dancing with a handsome white knight.

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Last night I got IMed by a fellow I have seen a couple times over the last few weeks. He's the kind of guy who likes to push buttons by saying outrageous things and seeing how a girl will react. So invariably he asks for sex. He also always makes sure to tell me that he never, ever pays for sex, that he doesn't even tip dancers, and that he is poor and doesn't "believe" in Lindens (SL money), whatever that means. Most of the girls at the club have given up on him as a cheapskate, but he's kind of cute, charming and witty even if outrageous, and he's fun to flirt with. So when he asked me to teleport him to my place for a blow job, I tp'ed him to Blue Noise instead. We danced and flirted. Somewhere during the course of the conversation he mentioned he is married in real life. This is not something that bothers me--married or not, it is between him and his wife what he does outside of their relationship. But then he wanted to know if I was married, single, or divorced. Why did that matter, I wondered?

Now, I've given him my perspective on marriage before: It's a great institution, but who wants to be in an institution! Personally I think marriage is good for the protection of children--a safe place to grow up with 2 parents. But if you don't have kids, what is the point of tying yourself down? Most of the time in marriage it is the woman whose freedom is limited by the expectations of society ("Good girls don't") while the man can come and go and play where he pleases ("Boys will be boys").

Think about this: can you come up with one positive word that describes a sexually active woman? No! They are all negative terms. Sexually active women are called sluts, whores, skanks, and tramps. Or we are described by our genitals: cunts, beaver, poon, pussies. The only "good" adjectives to describe women and sex together imply being asexual or having our sexuality controlled by men: maiden, virgin, wife. Even terms like mistress, concubine, paramour, have a negative flavor, indicating women engaged in sex with one man outside the bounds of matrimony. And, Ladies, if you dare to expect to be paid for sex you are a prostitute, no matter how you dress it up (escort, call girl, courtesan). Now try to think of a negative term for a sexually active man--there are none. Men are studs, stallions, or players. Their sexuallity is applauded!

So maybe I shouldn't have been surprised when my friend last night said he'd be uncomfortable with his RL wife having virtual sex in SL, and yet felt fine about chasing SL "tail" himself. Later he qualified that by saying that only casual SL sex was okay, it isn't cheating since it is all a fantasy. I pointed out that there are real people here, the only thing that is a fantasy is the setting. But he was adamant. Casual fuck? Okay. Get emotionally involved in SL? That would be "an affair," thus not acceptible. He seemed pretty pleased that I wasn't looking for a relationship or marriage--that put me in the "non-affair just a fuck" category, I guess.

That was the point at which I dropped to my knees and started to give him a virtual blow job--but he stopped me. His comment was: "Oh, you are one of those!" Now what? Was he having second thoughts about "cheating"? He wanted sex? He didn't want sex? Seems he wanted to be in charge. Its okay to try to seduce a woman and talk her into sex, but if she initiates it. . . . Here's the problem. Our society doesn't expect women to be sexually active or (heaven forfend!) sexually aggressive. Despite the sexual revolution of the 1960s-70s and the ground-breaking work of researchers like Kinsey, there is still an inherently parochial, even puritan attitude about female sexuality in America. And apparently in this fellow, too. Even in SL.

A Lazy Happy Birthday

Today is my Birthday! I was born in the year of the Dragon, the month of Capricorn. That makes me assertive and outspoken, obsessively organized, with the desire to always be in control. Having both earth and water in my signs I also have a deep desire to give pleasure to others. . . . (Hmmm. That may explain my Second Life in a nutshell!)

So what makes for an ideal birthday for me? I'd like to lounge around, maybe reading a good book (the Kamasutra? the Tao of Love & Sex?), or maybe cuddling with a lover. Later tonight maybe some dancing and flirting at Blue Noise or Lotus Moon, my two favorite clubs. Speaking of lovers, the red pavillion above was a gift from a lover, as was the lovely jewelry from the Isle of Mists in the picture below.

Here are some fun facts I just recently discovered. I was born on a Sunday (do you know the children's rhyme about days of the week?) which means I am both happy and very social (duh!). I was born in the Egyptian month of Famenoth, the third month of the season of Poret (the Emergence month of the Fertile Soil season). On the day I was born the moon was waxing gibbous or almost but not quite full--easily seen in the daytime and shining brightly at night (much like me). My ruling planet is Saturn (the only planet with rings. . . Yeah! Bling!)

For a whole bunch of fun facts about your own birthday check Paul Sadowski's Birthday Calculator! And, hey! . . . if you happen to be in-world tonight, look me up for a birthday kiss!

Communication Rules: The Trouble with Text or What I Have Learned the Hard Way

George Bernard Shaw once said: "The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished." And this is doubly true in Second Life where so much is dependant on the use of Chat, a minimalist mode of expression at best, as the main form of communication. Add to that the emotional connections that take place in SL (whether casual sex, true love, the SL effect, or a combination of these) and you have a recipe for disasters.

The problem is that for many people relationships formed in SL are transitory, easily discarded if they don't fulfill the immediate needs or desires of the individuals involved. Understand here that I am not saying there is anything wrong with one-night stands, just that the information that you are only interested in those fleeting transitory relationships needs to be said up front in an SL encounter. Good communication early on saves us from hurt later.

Here are some simple rules for chat communication in SL:

1. Stay aware of the flow of the conversation. Often in chat the response comes 2 lines down in the text block. Quite often the line that immediately follows someone's statement is not the response to that statement, but a response to something said one comment further up the chain. If it feels funny it probably is and you are mishearing what your partner said. Repeat the question, ask for clarification. Yes, that takes extra time, but being sure you are both on the same page is well worth it.

2. Don't let your own agenda get in the way of listening. We often get so busy prepping and thinking of what we will say next, that we aren't listening to what the other person is actually saying. Pay attention as you type to the lines of text the other person is interjecting. If you have turned off the typing animation (as so many of us have because it is annoying) you may not even be aware when your partner is speaking. You do have to look up from the keyboard and read as well as type.

3. Ask questions, listen to the answers. Be patient. Don't be in such a hurry that you run over your partner's conversation. Remember that listening to what the fellow you are chatting up has to say is the best way to get to know him. There is nothing that will turn a man off faster than you nattering at him without listening to what he has to say, or continually talking about yourself without asking him abut himself. You know that pleasantry: "How are you?" Don't just throw it around, use it intentionally. Ask the questions and wait for a real response.


4. Indicate your real emotions. Like email, IM is void of emotion. Sarcasm can easily be misconstrued as anger, teasing as annoyance. To keep straight the subtle nuances of text speech use IM acronyms to show when you find things funny (LOL, LMAO, ROTFL), to show you are happy (VBG) or to show when you are annoyed (AAK, WTF, EOC). A technique frequently used in SL is to give body language cues in text with asterisks (*raises one eyebrow* ) or brackets ( <> ). Unique to SL is the use of "/me" to demonstrate action. For instance, in the chat line if I were to type "/me blows you a kiss" you would see "Tsai Jie blows you a kiss"--the "/me" is just a channel command to insert the name of the speaker allowing you to perform an action without the colon that would otherwise be between your name and your words. The more "body language" you add to your chat the better able your readers will be at interpreting your real meanings.

5. Be patient. IM moves at the speed of the slowest typist. If you are a speed typist and your partner is slow, you will need to be patient. If you are the slow one try breaking your text into smaller bits . . . shorter phrases . . . use ellipses to indicate that . . . you are not done speaking yet . . . and a period to show when you are done. Or just go to voice chat.

Communication is the basis of all human relationships. In SL as in RL romances, good and honest communication is the key to making it work!

Black Swan, The Lovers

Black Swan, The Lovers
Originally uploaded by Tsai Jie

Black Swan is a lovely sim that has some remarkable statuary, moving bridges, and incredible surreal art. At the center of the sim is this incredible Lovers statue which is over 100 meters tall. Another, called "Night Girl," comes to life when you touch her. The creator of this fantastic art is an avatar named Light Waves. Read more about Black Swan and other fantastic building going on in SL at the Not Possible in Real Life blog.

On Getting Married in Second Life: Part 2, The Day

So here it is, my friend's big day, and I gotta say that even if I am not fond of weddings I have been looking forward to this (despite having to wear pink). I'm looking at it as a sort of a cross between social engagement and sociology research. We have been instructed by the Wedding Planner (read "Wedding Nazi," the Barbie doll from last night's fracas) to be at the Chapel promptly one half hour early. I arrive on time with the friend who is giving the bride away, the DJ is there, too, and with in a few minutes the groom and the best man arrive. The bride is within teleport distance for quick arrival at the appropriate moment. And then the Wedding-Nazi shows. I am beginning to suspect dramatic entrances are her best (or only) trick. At least she is wearing a skirt that covers her ass today.

She gets up a group IM conference to give up our instructions and cues (so what was the purpose of that rehearsal last night then, huh?), and she begins role call. "Is the bridesmaid here?" Hello! Right in front of you! "Where's the best man?" Hello again, right in front of you! "The groom? Speak up! Tell me if you are here!" He is also in front of her. I begin to suspect a vision problem. The bride accidentally loses connection to the group conference and the Wedding-Nazi informs all of us as she "slaps the nervous bride" (Slaps! No shit!).

Meanwhile an early guest who's profile proclaims her to be a Model/Porn Star (and which says "Just IM me if you want any of those things") can't seem to find her way out of the aisle and to a seat. Or it may be that she was too distracted trying to pick up the friend who is standing in for "father of the bride" (aka the FOTB). At this point Barbie the WN tells the bride and groom they will have to shout during the ceremony because the back row (where no one but the DJ is sitting) is out of chat range (so, like the DJ couldn't move up a row?). Promptly on the hour, even though not all the guests are here and the ones who are are still milling about and not sitting down, the DJ cues the wedding march and it is GO, GO, GO!

The ceremony is mostly cool. Guests wander in and take seats. There is a slow moment when the best man can't find his pose ball, and the groom has forgotten to change his group tag, so we have a Bride & Social Worker--which I think is kinda cute in a semi-surreal way. The WN now in her role as minister SHOUTS the service and a lot of stuff about God and Faith and True Love and The Institution of Marriage, and I begin to wonder if someone should remind her we are a bunch of cartoons in a fake world here, but I decide to let my inner Daoist just take it all in stride. I do have to pause and wonder when she does the "in sickness and in health part" (I just keep seeing some SL bride saying "Yes, dear, I still love your avatar even though he is now grossly deformed by the pox"). But the Bride and Groom/Social Worker seem happy and that is what counts.

Then there are rings and the "Man & Wife Pronouncement" and Voila--they are kissing. For like forever. And whispering sweet endearments to each other. But the Wedding Nazi is insistent--it is photo time. There are pose balls for this, too. And it is "line up" and "not there, over there" and much snapping of photos (3000 Lindens for 10 professionally taken pics). The best man has booked already, so the FOTB has to get in the pictures. Next it is across a little bridge to the reception area.

"First we must cut the cake!" yells the Barbie the WN, who is for some reason is still shouting. "Smear it on each other," she instructs the happy couple. (First "Slap," now "Smear"? Truly charming . . . Not.) The wedding guest model/porn star wants to dance with the FOTB and is loudly announcing to the crowd that she's three weeks pregnant. "Can you see the bump?" she asks all and sundry. Oh goodie, a PPSM (pregnant porn star model)!

And then we have to toast. "Touch the champaign bucket!" Barbie insists. I pick up my glass of champagne and refrain from correcting either her spelling or her manners. But I am having a good time dissing this WN in IM with the FOTB who has managed to escape the clutches of the PPSM (you are following all this alphabet soup, right?). Then there is also a flinging of the garter. Well, at least there would have been one anyway, had the animations done their job like good little animations should. And finally it is time for Barbie-doll-the-Wedding-Nazi to leave. "Don't forget to show your appreciation at the tip jars," she tells everyone (I have counted 3 for her and 1 for the DJ), and it's kiss-kiss and she's gone.

The bride and groom mingle and chat with the guests. I dance and flirt heavily with the very handsome FOTB (and shortly after that we wandered off together for more "intimate" dancing). The remainder of the evening being left to one very happy couple and their happily partying friends. All in all, an interesting experience. (Do you know the ancient Chinese curse that goes "May you live in interesting times"?)

On Getting Married in Second Life: Part 1, Rehearsing

I am having a unique experience this weekend (No, I am NOT getting SL partnered--perish the thought!), I am going to be a bridesmaid in an SL "wedding." No shit. Me who doesn't even like to go to weddings in RL! This is a favor for a friend of a friend, and so far I gotta say one of the oddest things I've done in SL to date.

Last night was the wedding rehearsal. Clearly this is a big deal for the folks who do this stuff. But I have to wonder how much of marriage today is a demonstration of the love between two people and how much is due to our indoctrination (through media hype) that has pushed us as a society to believe that all relationships must end in monogamy and be blessed, not just by a church or the state, but by an over-commercialized capitalist economy that sells expensive white dresses you can only ever wear once?

But okay, never mind all that. Here I am, having agreed to walk down the aisle and support a friend on her special day, and we arrive at rehearsal time at the "Wedding Sim" a mostly lovely place with waterfalls and a park and flowers. Unfortunately the pretty little chapel area, with its white benches, rose arbor, and pink ribbons, has also got a great mucking huge tacky sign that tells you the cost of everything. 10,000 Lindens it says just for invitations!

The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for 5:30 pm. Everyone was there, the bride, the groom, the best man and me, and the friend who is giving the bride away, everyone but the person who demanded there be a rehearsal: the wedding consultant/minister/woman who makes her living on these events. So we stand around and wait for the "Minister," and all the while the tacky sign spews out periodic clouds of particle doves flying (it appears) sideways. We get to try on our wedding finery (I am wearing pink) and discuss flowers and shoes, but then we give it up for the evening.

Two hours later the minister-person IMs us all and asks us to please assemble immediately at the Chapel area. So like good little sheep we trot over. All of us but the best man who is having log-in problems. The woman in charge (let's call her "The Wedding Nazi") is a nine-foot tall Barbie doll avatar (huge boobs, tiny waist, that shiny plastic skin look, and an outfit worthy of Ballerina Barbie) who--despite the tag over her her head that describes her as "Charming"--begins barking commands at us like we are second-graders on the short bus. Now I am not all that wed-tiqutte savvy, I know, but how much intelligence does it take to step on an animation that takes you down an aisle and from there leap to a pose ball?

Ms. Wedding-Nazi makes us all jump around a bit on command, and then the best man finally arrives. Now never mind that she was 2 hours late (for which I never heard her apologize) and has made the rest of us jump through hoops, the first words out of her mouth to the best man are to insult and laugh at him. What happened is that as he is rezzing, his textures don't appear. So we have a fellow in white and black with "missing textures"--hey, no big deal, it happens. Polite people might realize we can't always see when we are missing textures and suggest a rebake. But in this case he also has his genitals on and they have materialized outside the missing textures. This is an also not-uncommon, and sometimes unavoidable, occurrence in SL. Polite people would send a private IM saying something like "don't look now but your cock is showing," but not her. She cackles out loud, and in public chat does the SL equivalent of point and laugh--charming indeed.

This afternoon is the wedding. For the sake of the Bride and Groom who really are lovely people, I am just hoping that "Ms. Manners" manages not to: A) be late, or B) insult any guests.

I remember a co-worker once telling me that "every little girl dreams of her wedding day. . ." and I wondered what was wrong with me that I really didn't give a damn about the day, but I had some really clear visions of what the any man who wants to tie me down had to be! Somehow in this whole "wedding thing," it seems to me that people get crazy and get all hung up on dresses and tuxes and cakes and invitations and forget about the lovers. If you ask me, that misses the entire point of what real love should be about. N'est pas?

To be continued . . . Tune in tomorrow for "Part 2: the Big Day"

Friday's Song: "It Won't Rain All the Time" by Jane Silberry

We walked the narrow path,
beneath the smoking skies.
Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
between darkness and light.
Do you have faith
in what we believe?
The truest test is when we cannot,
when we cannot see. . . .

. . . Oh, when I'm lonely,
I lie awake at night
and I wish you were here.
I miss you.
Can you tell me
is there something more to believe in?
Or is this all there is?

. . . Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms,
whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still believe--
but then the emptiness of a burning sea
against which we sail
our darkest of sadnesses--
until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.

When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?

Beautiful Places in SL: Tiessa's Family Place

Combining the best of Arabian Nights fantasy and Renaissance splendor, Tiessa's Palace in Mournful is a lovely place to stroll or sightsee with a sweetheart on a quiet holiday afternoon.

Teleport in to a lovely garden with large flowers in which you can cuddle, then take the winding stairs up to an observatory room with glass floor and curved windows overlooking the ocean.

Or wander in through plush rooms and find a comfy place to sit and meditate, sip a glass of wine, and even read a good book by a cozy fire.

Whether you wander alone or with a lover, don't miss Tiessa's Palace--a gorgeous example of the best in SL architecture!

Quotes du Jour: Woody Allen on Sex

It's a slow day for a Friday, so just in case you all were taking me (or yourselves) too seriously here are a bunch of Woody Allen quotes regarding sex.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

Love is the answer--but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions..

Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing. Between 5, it's fantastic.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful--provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

I'm such a good lover because I practise a lot on my ownDon't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Another Naked Night at Blue Noise

So tonight was "Blue Jeans Night" at Blue Noise Dance Club in Ongwuti. I wore my cutoffs just to show off the new thigh high leather boots my friend Jinara gave me.

The action was pretty hot on the dance floor. MC was DJing and played my fav, Ben Harper, just for me. Doc (right), Woody (left), and I (middle) made a sexy chorus line and pretty soon all of the customers and staff joined in.









And, as so frequently happens when we are all having fun, by the end of the evening there was a whole lot of naked going on . . . and then of course the spanking begins! See what you all miss by not coming down to Blue Noise!

Quote of the Week: Shakespeare

"Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun."

            -- from Romeo & Juliet

How Not to Charm a Girl in SL by Lashxevious

Poking about the Blogosphere this morning I encountered Lashxevious, another SL blogger with a great sense of humor. Here's her take on how not to go about picking up chicks in SL:

How not to Charm a girl in SL by lashxevious
. . . Anyway, here are some things about SL guys that annoy me.

1. Moving too fast. SL is good for flirting. And flirting is fun! So why the hell ruin it by going into "Exclusive boyfriend" mode? That whole dancing the girl around and giving her the "I think I'm falling for you" spiel ... yeah, we know that line. And we know that's bullshit, especially if the most you've known the girl is 2 weeks and the most extensive conversation you've had was how much work your boss gave you. Usually if she does give it to you, she's just as ready to use you and spit you out, so well ... at least those fickle feelings are mutual.

2. Cheesy, Lame Casanovary. So you tp'd her to "Lover's Ultimate Uber Snuggly Heavenly Paradise Nirvana Utopia" where cuddle balls float atop primmy clouds and caves behind waterfalls harbour sexgen beds with 524,986 different poses where you can work your kamasutra mastery. Dude. It's. Not. Fun. Any girl worth her weight in online gaming will not think a laggy stroll through White Outline Tree park is fun. Fun is where there is opportunity for hilarity and goofiness. Let her whip out the katanas and spend an hour or so plummeling each other and throwing out cheesy kungfu dialog. She gets to be aggressive, you can be a man. It's flirty, it's friendly, and is about the closest you'll get to foreplay at the moment.

3. Having the audacity to think you can dress her better. Unless you were raised from birth by a pack of knowledgeable, posh fashion experts, there's no friggin chance in a mealyworm's rectum that you would know how to dress a woman. 9 times outta 10, that store you're taking her to is a direct replica of the Skanky Stripper 101 catalog. Now I wanna be sexy like anybody else, but there's sexy and there's skanky. Skanky is not hygienic. And giving her money to buy these things doesn't earn you points either becuz SHE HATES IT.

4. IM Whoring. Another peeve of mine. You invite the girl over and as soon as she is standing in front of you, you slump into a catatonic state. Head darting to and fro, revealing all too well the signs of IM ADD. Dude, if you invite her over, anyone over, pay attention to that person, since they obviously agreed to be pulled away from whatever it was they were doing to look at your sorry mug. If you can't be gracious enough to follow through with the invite, continue on with your precious IM's ... ALONE, ya spacey bastard.

5. Getting too sappy. I hate these lines: "I never felt this way before"-"I'm amazed by you"-"I love you now and forever" and UGH I can't continue on cuz the bile is rising up my throat. First of all, if ya wanna say such nonsense go to a karaoke bar during Lionel Ritchie night. And second, it's scientifically known that too much sap on an ass can actually lead to a nasty burn. And any guy that gets really sappy during cyber sex is just weird. Get out and bang some real flesh already. Sex is not about doves singing and feelings soaring to the heavens. WTF.

6. You nasty POS. It goes both ways. Being too perverted, too technical. Anytime colon, perineum, bubble, and whisk is combined into a sentence GTFO. Okay, okay, let's say the girl you're with is just awesomely arousing to you, that aint no excuse. Stop trying to hump her every time she merely smirks your way. Hi, babe *humps your face* How's your day, hun? *humps your face* Umm, wanna just do my leg? I'm trying to build here. *cums*

7. Dragging in the muthaeffin entourage. I don't get how one person can have 16 different best friends all of the opposite gender and insist he's not screwing around with any of them. If he's straight anyway. Nothing ruins a moment faster than teleporting in 2 of your "gal pals" while snuggling the girl you're supposedly wooing. No, she will not trust you. No, she's not impressed you know someone who makes hair. Let's flip the tables on your ass and see how it feels when two random guys pop in to watch.

8. Prissy Lil Know-It-All. I know I'm not perfect. I don't have an answer for everything. I'll say I dunno, or just don't care. I'm a typo-du-jour. And I appreciate a good critique or sensible tip to guide me to bettering what I'm doing. But I do not like being corrected all the freaking time. To even go as far as correcting a wisecrack is not cool either. Just shows you have no sense of sarcasm and got a major stick up your butt. Smart guys are awesome if they're not acting like pricks due to their intelligence. Showing off those brains might mean you're compensating for something anyway, like CHARM.

9. Muscley-Caveman-Fabio drool. Ah, aren't I just the pickiest? I can't talk to these types. "U want dance" Umm was that a question or a statement? "Me laik U" In what sense? Species? Evolution? Prolly not the former. "U want sex?????//" Oh dear god ... just zap out my genitals now lest I accidentally procreate with this thing. Talk dammit. Talk right. I like guys who know how to spell or at least try. So what he spelled "triangulate" wrong, he at least has the brain cells to use it in a sentence. I know some guys who can pull off the abbreviated way of chatting well. It's cuz they make up for it in wit and overall expression of thought. So do the short hand type, but just make some frigging sense. SL is all about communicating, typing won't be phased out by Voice anytime soon.

10. Desecrating Dante. You know who you are. Or the people around you know what you have done. What is with these guys that have extremely bulky shoulders and teeny heads that remind me of the buckets at the dime casino. Bucketheads. What possesses you to make yourself grotesquely unproportionate? Muscles maxxed to 100. Arm length 30. Foot size 100++. And if that's not enough, you use DANTE to cover your obtuse features. Look at the damn poster when you buy that skin. You can't possibly think there's a similarity. Dante alone won't help you. And poor Dante, so beautiful, and so abused.

Here's a tip: the tip of your fingers should be touching midway down your thigh. Your hand should be a lil over half the length of your forearm. You buckethead should be more than 50 size. Your feet-coinpurse-muscles should never be 100.

Or just wear an intricate robot avie or something. Deformed human forms distract me from focusing on the personality since in my head I'm tweaking things. Give me nightmares why don't ya.

And there ya go, I guess there is more, but they're more about nuances I find in RL. I just wrote this at work to kill time. I needed something to amuse myself. >.<

You rock, Lash! Hey, boys? Hope you are paying attention!

Shaking Booty at Blue Noise

So it's Saturday night and I am back shaking it in Blue Noise. The best thing about this club is really the people who work here. First there is Rhi, who manages the place, she's gorgeous and witty and has the fellows lining up. Then there are Kat, Roj, Doc, and Nerdi, who host the club's many and various contests. Among the female dancers there is me, of course, and Cordy, Sky, Bobbi, Savannah, Lucy, Harley, Envy, Jinara, Zoya, Sandrene, Lucy, Sandra, and many more. Some of these dancers double as escorts as well and can show you the fun places in Blue Noise's Sister Club, Blue Noise Hideaway. There are male dancers, too, including Jamien, Jara, Konstantine, and Nerdi, as well as several others. The DJs: MC, Patrick, Clinton, and the Radio Trauma gang, are wonderful, and love to take requests.

But the best thing about Blue Noise is that there is a camaraderie among the dancers, escorts, and the staff that is dynamic. On any given night there may be a only few, to a handful, to a crowd of patrons in BN, all having fun on the floor. You might be stalked by a sassy Aussie, or offered a Tesla coil by a savvy fox, or invited by a hot west coast lesbian to join a conga line and strip. Unlike other clubs where there are price guidelines for clothing coming off, the BN bunch is always ready to get naked--usually this is encouraged by one particular bad boy dancer who will challenge the ladies to match him clothing piece by clothing piece. By the end of any night you will find half the patrons naked as well! Expect an offer to go home with our favorite stripper fella to try out his latest set of orgy balls.

On costume contest nights you might find a mermaid in the pool, a sexy dragon on the dance floor, or a hot dancer in fairy wings who has more particle machines than most of SL. Then there's the schoolgirl types,: one in bobbysocks who will stun you with her athletic abilities and another in pink pigtails who can tease a man to orgasm in IM without ever leaving the dancepole. The conversation can ranges from surfing to Shakespeare, from London to Lisbon to L.A., from fav TV shows, to particle physics, to Preraphaelite art, to sexual techniques. A little something for everyone, and never boring.

If you are a Blue Noise VIP you probably know who all I am talking about here, if you are not . . . well c'mon up and see me sometime and I'll introduce you around. . . .

Locker Room Lingo, Pick-up Lines, Flirtation, and SL

I was cruising through the archive of The Word Nerds, a podcast about words, language, and why we say the things we do, and came across Locker-room Lingo, Pickup Lines, and Flirtation (episode 52) in which Dave and Howard discussed the language of flirtation and sex. It is fascinating to think about the language, the euphemisms, we chose for discussing sex. The ones I find particularly peculiar use animal metaphors for masturbation: spanking the monkey, walking the dog, and for sex: bash the beaver, feed the kitty, riding the pink pony. Sadly, these odd and interesting, but highly unromantic!, locker room phrases just go on forever. The Word Nerds suggest that we do not grow out of the high school locker room lingo just by getting older. I hate to say it but my experience in SL has lead me to believe this is true. In a virtual world like SL where lovemaking is word-driven, the choices we make in language become critical to how we both view and are viewed by others. So how should we use language to approach sex?

Pick up lines, the Word Nerd boys tell us, need to be quick, catchy and imply that the object of the pick-up is attractive and interesting. those kind of lines are (again, sadly) few and far between. There are over 14 million hits on Google for pickup lines, and one site, by Matthew Montoya, even categorizes pick-up lines, the dumber/cruder of which fall under: Worthy of Beavis and Butthead (Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.), Straight to the Point (Hey, Baby, Wanna get lucky?), Cheese (What's your sign?), and What? (I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?). My personal favorite category is the Left Field Approach which includes the [sarcasm mode on] sparkling wit of lines like: "I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?" and "Is it cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's?" Just for future reference for all you guys who think any of these sound good, that crunch you just heard and the pain you are feeling is her knee connecting to your groin.

So how do you get to talk to the pretty girl? You are gonna have to go for creative without crude. I know may involve brains, but pull yours out and dust it off and give it a shot. Howard mentioned a success he had with a girl who had the name Phoebe on her name tag. He said, "Did you know the name Phoebe means bright and shining?" And as he said it he saw the light come on in her eyes and the interest flaring. I can tell you from personal experience that asking or talking to someone about their name is almost a sure thing. You are demonstrating attraction in a way that says you are neither crude, nor overloaded with clichés and that you are actually thinking about the person, that you want to know her, and you are not just thinking about getting into her pants.

Howard and Dave said, and I highly agree, that where flirtation works best is where you just speak normally to someone and talk about normal topics. Get her attention with a sincere compliment. Try putting yourself out there and connecting on subjects you may have in common. Good flirtation involves the same behavior as making friends. Being charming, putting your best behavior on, making yourself likable. Being real.

Remember the manners you mother said were important your first day of kindergarden? They still are. Be polite. Don't touch someone, even virtually, unless you ask first. Say please and thank you. Share the toys--don't hog the conversation airing your personal dirty laundry, ask them about themselves. You fear you are not interesting enough? Do you read, go to movies, listen to music? Bring up a book, film, or song lyrics and share what you like about them. In SL you can mention interesting places you have seen in-world. If you can't think of any of these things then maybe you need to re-think how you are spending all your time! And for godsakes don't let the first words out of your mouth be to brag about your bedroom skills! Flirtation is about innuendo--implying sensitivity and sensuality without saying sex.

Whether your goal is to add to your friends list or to score a one-night stand or to find the girl of your dreams, remember, the locker-room humor and crude behavior doesn't cut it. In SL, or in RL.

Special thanks to Dave and Howard for their wisdom and advice. In case you are interested, The Word Nerds can be found at Podcast News Feed: http://thewordnerds.org/rss