I am having a unique experience this weekend (No, I am NOT getting SL partnered--perish the thought!), I am going to be a bridesmaid in an SL "wedding." No shit. Me who doesn't even like to go to weddings in RL! This is a favor for a friend of a friend, and so far I gotta say one of the oddest things I've done in SL to date.
Last night was the wedding rehearsal. Clearly this is a big deal for the folks who do this stuff. But I have to wonder how much of marriage today is a demonstration of the love between two people and how much is due to our indoctrination (through media hype) that has pushed us as a society to believe that all relationships must end in monogamy and be blessed, not just by a church or the state, but by an over-commercialized capitalist economy that sells expensive white dresses you can only ever wear once?
But okay, never mind all that. Here I am, having agreed to walk down the aisle and support a friend on her special day, and we arrive at rehearsal time at the "Wedding Sim" a mostly lovely place with waterfalls and a park and flowers. Unfortunately the pretty little chapel area, with its white benches, rose arbor, and pink ribbons, has also got a great mucking huge tacky sign that tells you the cost of everything. 10,000 Lindens it says just for invitations!
The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for 5:30 pm. Everyone was there, the bride, the groom, the best man and me, and the friend who is giving the bride away, everyone but the person who demanded there be a rehearsal: the wedding consultant/minister/woman who makes her living on these events. So we stand around and wait for the "Minister," and all the while the tacky sign spews out periodic clouds of particle doves flying (it appears) sideways. We get to try on our wedding finery (I am wearing pink) and discuss flowers and shoes, but then we give it up for the evening.
Two hours later the minister-person IMs us all and asks us to please assemble immediately at the Chapel area. So like good little sheep we trot over. All of us but the best man who is having log-in problems. The woman in charge (let's call her "The Wedding Nazi") is a nine-foot tall Barbie doll avatar (huge boobs, tiny waist, that shiny plastic skin look, and an outfit worthy of Ballerina Barbie) who--despite the tag over her her head that describes her as "Charming"--begins barking commands at us like we are second-graders on the short bus. Now I am not all that wed-tiqutte savvy, I know, but how much intelligence does it take to step on an animation that takes you down an aisle and from there leap to a pose ball?
Ms. Wedding-Nazi makes us all jump around a bit on command, and then the best man finally arrives. Now never mind that she was 2 hours late (for which I never heard her apologize) and has made the rest of us jump through hoops, the first words out of her mouth to the best man are to insult and laugh at him. What happened is that as he is rezzing, his textures don't appear. So we have a fellow in white and black with "missing textures"--hey, no big deal, it happens. Polite people might realize we can't always see when we are missing textures and suggest a rebake. But in this case he also has his genitals on and they have materialized outside the missing textures. This is an also not-uncommon, and sometimes unavoidable, occurrence in SL. Polite people would send a private IM saying something like "don't look now but your cock is showing," but not her. She cackles out loud, and in public chat does the SL equivalent of point and laugh--charming indeed.
This afternoon is the wedding. For the sake of the Bride and Groom who really are lovely people, I am just hoping that "Ms. Manners" manages not to: A) be late, or B) insult any guests.
I remember a co-worker once telling me that "every little girl dreams of her wedding day. . ." and I wondered what was wrong with me that I really didn't give a damn about the day, but I had some really clear visions of what the any man who wants to tie me down had to be! Somehow in this whole "wedding thing," it seems to me that people get crazy and get all hung up on dresses and tuxes and cakes and invitations and forget about the lovers. If you ask me, that misses the entire point of what real love should be about. N'est pas?
To be continued . . . Tune in tomorrow for "Part 2: the Big Day"
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