I've been cruising the archives of my favorite
Wired (yes, I am a geek!) column,
"Sex Drive" a commentary by Regina Lynn, and found this tidbit in a July post,
"The Business of Pleasure Is Booming, Thanks to Online Communities," for your consideration. Lynn, in discussing the sales of adult products, notes that:
Everyone who has ventured into online communities to talk sex contributes to a cultural shift away from sexual embarrassment and shame. You might not see it yet, especially if you work as a sex educator and you cringe at the stereotypes and misinformation so prevalent in our mass media.
But it's happening. In tiny, incremental steps, one by one, people are casting off the fetters (or putting on the fetters, depending) of yesteryear, when everyone still did everything we do now, but in shameful secrecy. Engaging in sex talk with others breaks down inhibitions that once kept us from acknowledging, much less expressing, our sexual needs. We might not know the ins and outs of every aspect of sexuality, but after a few months of online practice, we're less afraid to ask.
Even if you have never chatted online about sex, you know someone who has. At the very least, one person in your circle has flirted in e-mail while dating online. These folks bring a new openness into--if they've participated in adult communities online for more than six months, they almost can't help it.
This is an interesting observation that, I believe barely scratches the surface of what online communities like
SL can do for your sex life. There are two main reasons to indulge in an active online fantasy sex life: first, to revive waning sexual desire; and second, because it is safe.
Experts have said for years that sexuality and the sex drive is one of those "use it or lose it" things, but as we get older or as our lives get busier we often don't take the time to indulge in romance and fantasy the way we used to do. In
"Whither Desire" on the
AARP website, we are told that "low libido has more to do with boredom than the changing body," and Sandra R.
Leiblum, Ph.D., director of the Center for Sexual and Relationship Health at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey suggests that:
One solution is to find courage to step outside the sexual safe zone. “Women have to be willing to try things they haven’t before—a new place, a new sexual script,” says Leiblum, who is also the coauthor of Getting the Sex You Want (ASJA Press, 2003). The anxiety this creates can be erotic in itself. “What is arousing is the nervous excitement and mystery you feel when you don’t know what quite to expect,” she says.
In the same Article, Esther
Perel, a New York City marriage and family therapist and author of
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence says that she:
. . . counsels people to seek out novelty. “I’ll tell a woman, ‘In the next two weeks I’d like you to approach him once in a way you’ve never done before,’ ” she says. “ ‘Think of a time when you were particularly sexually daring, and imagine yourself bringing some of that assertiveness to him. Go to a clothing store and don’t buy what you’re used to buying—get something that brings out a whole other side of you.’ ”
Here is where online role-playing can help. The act of creating a beautiful and sexually active avatar will boost your confidence and body image and give you a mask behind which to operate, with that you can feel free to indulge in online flirtation and even mutual masturbation with an online partner--an experience which, I can tell you, can be very sexually liberating. How better to revive a flagging sexual appetite than with a safe sexual act (no disease) in a safe online environment (no real life information exchanged).
And that leads me to point number two: safe sex environments. Of course it is best to work to reawaken sexual desire with your life partner, but that presupposes that: 1) you have a regular sex partner, 2) your partner wants to have sex, and 3) that you are comfortable trying out those daring moves on a live person and risking rejection.
Anyone who has wandered in
SL knows that there are all kinds of opportunities for sexual indulgence. Voyeur? Wander in the free sex areas and watch to your heart's content. Just want to flirt and meet people and see what develops? Cruise
the clubs and make a move! Like to try something different? Check out a good escort service (I, of course, recommend
Purrfect Droom) and discuss your desires with a variety of escorts.
The advantage of online romance is that it is always far easier to be daring in a place where no one knows your real name, where you can stir up your own libido with a little help from your friends, where there is no possibility of sexually transmitted disease, and where you can add to your sexual
repertoire for later use with real life partners. I bet your real partners will enjoy your
new found confidence and daring moves. Breaking down the sexual inhibitions we all have will revive our
sexuality and the benefits of an active fantasy and sex life are
immeasurable.
C'mon, give it a try. . . .
. . .
