How NOT to make a Good Impression on a Woman

Phat Cats (1), originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.

Went to Phat Cats on Monday because my friend Thorgal sent out an invite. Lovely place, great music, and elegant (if laggy) surroundings. Since Thor was busy dancing with Molly, I jumped on a pink ball with a nice looking fellow named Lawrence (for reasons you will see below, I am leaving off his last name, but just let me say he must be related to a certain Godfather). His profile gave his rez day back in 2006, so this was no noob--even though he acted like one.

We introduced ourselves and took a few sweeping turns around the floor when he asked: "How old are you?" I made some non-committal noises about never asking a lady her age, but next he wanted to know vital statistics: Height, weight, hair color, cup size. This took me a bit aback and at first I started answering: "Yes, real blonde, longish hair, 5'3" ... C cup, if you must know...." but he wouldn't stop. Wanted the age. Wanted the weight. While giving out those is not generally a problem for me it just bugged me that he kept pushing.

Hell, I had already handed him an RL photo of me that I have tucked in my SL photo album, but due to the lag he said it wouldn't rezz for him. I pointed out that this questioning was rude behavior in SL where many people prefer to keep RL info private and we are all an illusion anyway. I mean WTF?

I thought I might convince him that there is more to a person than looks so I told him I wanted answers to a couple questions, too. Asked about his favorite authors, books he's read, movies, music. Shared my own tastes in those departments--something he did not seem interested about at all. But he kept returning to age. Now I was getting pissed.

Eventually I said okay. Told him I was "born in the year of the Dragon." Took him a couple minutes to Wikipedia that, but then he came back with the date ranges for YotD over the last century and he wanted to know which Dragon: Fire, Wood, Water? By now I was so done with this that I told him was I born in 1904.  And he still wouldn't quit pushing.

Finally I told him: "Assume I am either 1) Young, moderately pretty, and grossly overweight or that I am 2) older than you, gorgeous, and thin as a rail. You pick which you prefer." (Just for the curious, I do not fit either of those profiles--you can think of me as average!)  That, too, was not good enough and he persisted with the questions. I finally thanked him for the dance, told him it had been interesting--because I had learned so much more about the man he was by his questions than he had learned from me. Jumped off the pose balls and left.

I am sure I will be back to Phat Cats, but you won't catch me dancing with Larry there (or anywhere else) ever again!

Phat Cats (2), originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.

Trivia night at Callahan's

I was frustrated after a long day where all my words came out wrong somehow. You know how it is on days when you just seem to be unable to say things in a way people will understand you? So to blow off steam, I went in world. Callahan's was having Trivia night. Tolkien was the subject--I could not resist. I have read the LoTR more than a dozen times, it is my comfort literature... the stuff you read and reread and reread.

I missed the first half hour of the contest. But as I walked up the walk I heard: "Seven for the dwarf lords ___________" and as I walk in the door, I automatically say "in their halls of stone." I got the point. It was pretty much a walk in the park from there.

I told them I was kind of a ringer on this so I would happily not play if they thought it was unfair. They said that in depth knowledge didn't disqualify me by the rules. There was one guy, Zonker, who had 3 points when I came in who, after a couple more questions that I took, said he was gonna give up and just stare at my avatar instead. I liked that. Puts a girl in a good mood right away when someone likes what they see. Other people here and there had a point or 2 each. Only 3 or 4 questions got away from me after that. A couple I really didn't know, a couple I was not fast enough for.

I ended the evening as the winner with the scores being: me with 14 points, Zonker with 5 or so, and other people had 1 or 2 each. I told them I didn't feel right about taking of the prize (a gift certificate for all the Callahan's books from Amazon), so next week's trivia winner (the subject is Larry Niven--do you see a scifi author trend here?) will get it. The other half of the prize was that I got to pick the trivia subject for 2 weeks from now. I took Zonker's recommendation for Robert Heinlein. Now I have to come up with 25 Heinlein trivia questions. How well do you grok Heinlein? Wanna help?

After the contest was over most people went away, some stayed and talked Scifi Lit for a while. That was fun. Turned out Zonker is a Dr. Who fan. There was another fellow had come late and missed the contest, but who wanted to chat. He was being a bit flirty and came and stood by my chair. But then he turned voice on, while everyone else was still in text--I think that is kind of rude, so I was not impressed. He just talked over everyone's text, too, the kind of guy who wants to hear his own voice over everyone else's. When Zonker stood up to leave, so did I.

The thing about Callahan's is that everyone goes out the door before TPing. It's a kind of courtesy to maintain the illusion that this is a real bar. When I left the golden boy followed me and kept talking. I just kept walking, but then he asked: "how do you pronounce your name?" Now I am a sucker for a man who asks me about my name, so I stopped and turned. "It sounds like 'sigh', " I said. It all went downhill from there.

"No, that's wrong," he said, and proceeded to give me a lesson in Chinese language as he saw it. He told me that my name should be said "da-zigh" because the T becomes a D sound as in Mao Tsetung (which he pronounced Mao Duh-zee-dung). I told him the Chinese Hanzi characters are not the same, this is a soft C sound and would be spelled "Cai" in modern Romanized Pinyin Chinese. He proceeded to lecture me on Chinese and its many dialects. I said, "I know--I speak Putonghua." He said that he didn't know that one, he was talking about Mandarin Chinese. I tell him Putonghua IS what we Americans call Mandarin! But he is off on the next topic already, India. He says many dialects there, I say many distinct languages, and I begin to list them: Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu, Nepali, English. . . .

It is a bad move trying to argue with him. Like talking to a wall. Maybe I should have turned my voice on, while he kept rambling off on different tangents to impressed me (not!) with his knowledge (wrong!), I could have cussed him out in Mandarin, and then Mongolian, and French, and thrown Latin in for good measure. I think that he thought this was the way to impress a woman. I also think that he's an idiot and picked on the wrong woman. Now I was getting pissed.

Next golden-boy goes off into a sort of rambling diatribe and tells me Sanskrit is written in runes. I say glyphs, and he tells me again I am wrong, because he's read a lot and knows better. We argue the meaning of the word hieroglyphs. He: "picture" writing, so Sanskrit is "runes" because it is not pictures. I say: "sacred" writing, and BTW sanskrit also means "sacred writing," and besides, runes are purely Teutonic script. And I was determined to make him see his error (though why I felt the need to prove myself to this guy is beyond me at the moment).

Then comes the clincher. He tells me that he knows all about Sanskrit (and Cuneiform, too, BTW); he first learned about it by watching the movie Journey to the Center of the Earth and I suddenly realize that I have been trying to prove myself to someone I likely wouldn't bother with in RL. Someone who is probably a kid who lives in his parent's basement with his computer, his video games, and his movie collection. Someone I would not stoop to conquer in real life. How odd is that?

Now I feel like an idiot. I tp'ed home and sat on the couch and reread my conversation with him. Why on earth did I even in engage in that exchange? Okay, I was feeling cocky and smart (having won the contest and all), and I was coming off a week full of missteps and insecurities in RL (some of that has to do with goings on at work, a coworker with whom I can't work). And some of it has to do with the way the universe has been unkind about a number of real life romance things.

But still, I have behaved like an idiot. Had to prove myself. But to whom? And why? It did neither me nor Golden Boy any good to try to one up each other. And it ruined any chance of a normal conversation between us ever again.

Here's the thing about SL. We put on avatars and suddenly we need to be larger than life. We script our own movies. We are the stars of our own melodramas. What is up with that? Are the emotions higher in SL? Hearts worn on the sleeve and all? Or are we just so damn wrapped up in the roles we play that we forget about the other people in the movie with us?

I am a firm believer in Serendipity. That there are lessons all around us if we only take the time to listen rather than trying to force our own will on the universe. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'll just sit and ponder on this for a while.

Quote du Jour: Mistakes

"Frequently, in a journey of the soul, the most precious moments are the mistakes. They have brought you to a place that you would otherwise have always avoided."
——John O'Donohue

Quote du Jour: Marilyn Munroe

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Munroe