Making it Real?

Love is such a funny thing. It can be so all consuming. You see it in literature all the time . . . The lover can't sleep, can't eat, can't think of anything but the beloved. But here is a question: does love really need to be so demanding? Why can't we just "be there" for each other? Why must love always have demands . . . what makes us think that loving gives us a right to ask for more, or to offer less?

And then there is love in Second Life, where virtual love has its own set of complications. I heard from an old friend just the other day who is struggling with the borders between SL and RL. "Vee" has been looking for the right woman (read: a sexually compatable woman) ever since he got involved in SL. He thinks he finally found her. They even got partnered in SL. Now he faces a dilemma. Does he leave well enough alone? Enjoy the virtual relationship as it is, build an SL life? Or ask for more by asking to meet her in RL? Tough questions. Especially since both of them are RL married. With kids.

The way things usually go in RL is that you meet someone. You date a while, get to know all about each other, then--if things are still good--you make it all public. You move in together, get engaged, maybe married. You would at least meet each other's friends, families. And above all in RL you would end the one relationship before going public with the second. Not so in SL.

In SL we begin with masks. And we tend to stay behind the masks. There is no conflict with multiple partners, or for that matter with kids or in-laws. No one leaves their dirty laundry on the bedroom floor, leaves the cap off the toothpaste or the toilet seat up. There are no bad hair days, warts, zits, farts, burps. No need for any unpleasantness and thus no need for any real effort. A self-sustaining fantasy that only takes the right words in chat to keep your beloved happy. It's a pretty good boat. Why rock it?

Remember the case in the news a few years ago of Dutch, the married guy who neglected his RL wife and family for his SL GF? He ended up divorcing, then marrying the SL GF in RL. I wonder if he's happy. You could see hime in-world from time to time, on the Pirate Sim he and Tenaj  (new wife) built together. I wrote about the consequences of virtual "cheating" a while back, but I still don't have any good answers about that except to say we each can only make choices for ourselves never for anyone else, not even for our beloveds. Here's the thing, though. If what happens in SL stays in SL, you are less likely to cause or feel RL hurt--to anyone, yourself included.

Some do move love into RL from SL. I see couples all the time with lines in their 1st life profiles that say "we met in SL and now are together in RL."

On the other hand what if the love of your SL life can't or doesn't want to get RL serious? Maybe he/she is married in RL, and is not prepared to sacrifice that? Or not ready for any commitment that extends beyond the safety of the SL masks? Is the love any less real? Again, that's a case by case and person by person decision. Yes, only you can decide if you want to take the chance on meeting her in RL, and on what terms. But here's a clue. If you don't know her real name, address, phone number . . . if she hasn't shared those things yet . . . then she's not ready. And pushing it will only break it. If you love him/her you have to respect that.

Song du Jour: "Run" by Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Tuesday Afternoon

Tuesday, afternoon,

I'm just beginning to see,

Now I'm on my way,

It doesn't matter to me,

Chasing the clouds away.

Something, calls to me,

The trees are drawing me near,

I've got to find out why

Those gentle voices I hear

Explain it all with a sigh.

Tuesday afternoon is my new favorite time of the week. So many men, so little time. . . .

Why IM is an IMperfect Medium of Communication!

I had a conversation with a friend in SL in IM Monday night that went badly. We were both tired--exhausted from long hard work days. We both wanted to at least say hello, but we were both also ready to drop and wanted to go to bed instead of into SL. Instead of a nice chat, we both left felling frustrated for different reasons, each thinking the other was being hostile. The conversation began like this:
me: I was just waiting for you to say I'm sorry
him: what?
me: sorry I can't play tonight
him: oh sorry I can't play tonight

And here's the confusion. He heard me ask him for an apology from him for not being able to play and gave it, but it made him upset that I was angry. I was offering an apology for not being able to play and I thought that he was echoing my words to show that he had understood and accepted.

The basic limitations of SL chat or any IMing for that matter are in the lack of emotion that is conveyed. We add emoticons or acronyms (LOL, IMHO, etc) to compensate for that. But the thing that really clarifies for a reader what the writer is saying, where the intensity and the inflection goes, is punctuation and full sentences. Not only do we avoid excessive punctuation in IMs, but we also pare our words down. This makes for fast communication, but it also makes things we say able to be read in multiple ways.

What I said was really supposed to be:
"I was just waiting for you [to arrive], to say [to you that] I'm sorry. [What I am] sorry [about is that] I can't play tonight." (Subtext: I am really missing you and want to play but am too tired, please forgive me.)

What he heard was:
"I was just waiting for you to say [to me] 'I'm sorry,' [I want to hear you say:] sorry I can't play tonight." (Subtext: I am pissed and you owe me an apology.)

BIG difference, no?

Unfortunately the conversation took a downward spiral from there, with both of us on the defensive, both of us clueless as to why the other seemed angry. Fortunately after we had slept on it (albeit badly), and once we had compared notes, we figured out the miscommunication and really apologized to each other and laughed about it. We also came up with some rules for IM chat.

1. Don't assume the person who loves you and who you should trust is angry. If you are confused, ask them. Ask for clarification of the words just sent. ("Did you mean to say...").
2. Don't expect the need for clarity to be one-sided. People who know each other well may be able to read between the lines, but you can't depend on that. Ask if the other party understood your words. They will appreciate your concern.
3. Write in full sentences and use punctuation. Really. It may be slower in the short term, but it will save time and trouble in the long run.
4. Trust each other. Always be honest when you are bothered. Chances are there is something being miscommunicated.

So, out of curiosity, any of you out there have this same problem? What are your solutions? Your rules for IM chat?

Adam Ramona's Seventeen Unsung Songs

Second life is primarily a visual treat, and so art in SL tends toward the fantastic, the improbable and the impossible. On the island of East of Odyssey, however, Adam Ramona--known in real life as Adam Nash, a 3D artist, performer, composer and programmer who uses online space (and sound) as a realtime performance medium--has taken the visual and integrated it organically with the aural and even the emotional in a sim-wide installation he calls Seventeen Unsung Songs.

Nash's installations use a combination of color, prim transparency, and scripting to make interactive art such as this complex piece: " Unsung Song #4: Mitosis." The central piece is an plant with a central shaft that responds to touch. Touch it enough and it ejaculates pollen which, if it falls into the cupped petals below, may turn into red eggs. The eggs hatch pink larvae which turn into blue bugs. Touch a blue bug and it falls to the ground as a blue transparent prim which begins to grow into a music tree, each square blue branch sounding a different chime when touched.




Another of Nash's complex pieces is "Unsung Song #16: Blue Sound Ground" a roadway made up of transparent blue prims, each of which sounds a different note when walked on by an avatar.

The notes range from percussive sounds to voices to melodious chimes. Multiple avatars walking on this road thus literally make a unique song of surprisingly harmonious tones.


The most amazing and perhaps disturbing of Nash's pieces is "Unsong Song #7: The Moaning Columns of Longing." Dr. Lisa Dethridge (Lisa Dapto) says in her paper on Nash's work:

The artist leaves less room for us to negotiate space around his highly interactive work, the Moaning Columns of Longing. This is perhaps the most mysterious and emotive of the works. Here artist toys deliberately with the “hot buttons” of love and pain that drive us all, especially those enmeshed in virtual affairs . . . In response to an avatar’s touch, tall, white columns spawn instantly with a phallic upward thrust. These gently swaying prims define themselves as artificial life forms that exist only in relation to a single, specific Avatar. They are exclusive and faithful to a fault.
The columns sway and ooze particles for joy or shrink and pine desperately when rejected. They communicate directly, challenging each owner/lover/user to prove their love and loyalty. In this giggly theatre of cruelty, the Avatar may choose to support and “love”, to ignore or even to abuse the artificial life form that is now virtually “theirs.” Like real life lovers however, the Moaning Columns make heavy demands on the avatar, challenging us to differentiate between real love and merely dizzy infatuation. Thus we earn what Nash wryly calls “an endless amount of chances to practice emotional responsibility.”

I have to admit that after three days of my "Column" moaning at me I couldn't stand it anymore and I let it die--if nothing else, Nash has reminded me in a very concrete object lesson about the dangers of emotional entanglement in SL. A lesson many of us need to learn. The Unsung Songs of Adam Ramona/Adam Nash are not your typical artistic builds, they are a multimedia treat and a closer look at in our own mirrors, and at our own obsessions, all rolled into one. Go visit East of Odessey and see for yourself.

Communication Rules: The Trouble with Text or What I Have Learned the Hard Way

George Bernard Shaw once said: "The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished." And this is doubly true in Second Life where so much is dependant on the use of Chat, a minimalist mode of expression at best, as the main form of communication. Add to that the emotional connections that take place in SL (whether casual sex, true love, the SL effect, or a combination of these) and you have a recipe for disasters.

The problem is that for many people relationships formed in SL are transitory, easily discarded if they don't fulfill the immediate needs or desires of the individuals involved. Understand here that I am not saying there is anything wrong with one-night stands, just that the information that you are only interested in those fleeting transitory relationships needs to be said up front in an SL encounter. Good communication early on saves us from hurt later.

Here are some simple rules for chat communication in SL:

1. Stay aware of the flow of the conversation. Often in chat the response comes 2 lines down in the text block. Quite often the line that immediately follows someone's statement is not the response to that statement, but a response to something said one comment further up the chain. If it feels funny it probably is and you are mishearing what your partner said. Repeat the question, ask for clarification. Yes, that takes extra time, but being sure you are both on the same page is well worth it.

2. Don't let your own agenda get in the way of listening. We often get so busy prepping and thinking of what we will say next, that we aren't listening to what the other person is actually saying. Pay attention as you type to the lines of text the other person is interjecting. If you have turned off the typing animation (as so many of us have because it is annoying) you may not even be aware when your partner is speaking. You do have to look up from the keyboard and read as well as type.

3. Ask questions, listen to the answers. Be patient. Don't be in such a hurry that you run over your partner's conversation. Remember that listening to what the fellow you are chatting up has to say is the best way to get to know him. There is nothing that will turn a man off faster than you nattering at him without listening to what he has to say, or continually talking about yourself without asking him abut himself. You know that pleasantry: "How are you?" Don't just throw it around, use it intentionally. Ask the questions and wait for a real response.


4. Indicate your real emotions. Like email, IM is void of emotion. Sarcasm can easily be misconstrued as anger, teasing as annoyance. To keep straight the subtle nuances of text speech use IM acronyms to show when you find things funny (LOL, LMAO, ROTFL), to show you are happy (VBG) or to show when you are annoyed (AAK, WTF, EOC). A technique frequently used in SL is to give body language cues in text with asterisks (*raises one eyebrow* ) or brackets ( <> ). Unique to SL is the use of "/me" to demonstrate action. For instance, in the chat line if I were to type "/me blows you a kiss" you would see "Tsai Jie blows you a kiss"--the "/me" is just a channel command to insert the name of the speaker allowing you to perform an action without the colon that would otherwise be between your name and your words. The more "body language" you add to your chat the better able your readers will be at interpreting your real meanings.

5. Be patient. IM moves at the speed of the slowest typist. If you are a speed typist and your partner is slow, you will need to be patient. If you are the slow one try breaking your text into smaller bits . . . shorter phrases . . . use ellipses to indicate that . . . you are not done speaking yet . . . and a period to show when you are done. Or just go to voice chat.

Communication is the basis of all human relationships. In SL as in RL romances, good and honest communication is the key to making it work!

Worst SL Pick-up Lines

There is a closed thread on SL Forums called "Best/Worst Pick-up Lines in SL." Now I know I have discussed this issue before, but some of this is just so damn funny it cries out to be shared. If you go to the thread there is a lot of fun banter among the posters discussing social etiquette in SL as well as sharing the worst they have heard. I found the 23 page (no shit) long thread a fun read for a snowed in Saturday afternoon.

Several people mentioned they had experienced the kind of lines we have all heard, the traditional noob approach, including: "You're beautiful. Wanna fuck?" or (delivered with enthusiastic hope) "We will have sex now! Yes?"

Then there are the broken English (or just limited lexical/grammatical skill) variants: "mak fuk?" and "u r hot. i wan fuk u." and (my favorites) "make sexies now plz?" or "Oh hai! I can has sex wid u now?"

Regarding language, I am in total agreement here with Trout, who said: "The weird thing is that the intimacy and the primary point of sex in SL is what is being said through IMs, chat or even voice. I refuse to believe it's avatars humping on poseballs. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's only part of the fantasy that is being mutually created by the people involved--without the words, it's like watching a movie with the sound off. If the people involved don't speak the same language, how on earth are they going to enjoy the experience? If I were out fooling around with random people, I wouldn't even think to approach someone who doesn't speak English. I can scratch out a little German and some Spanish, but after I count to ten, order a beer and ask where the train station and the bathroom is, I'm pretty much done with them. 'Heh--Eins, zwei, drei, Ich bin Trout. Dos Cervesas. Donde esta la Bana? Mak fuk?' I can't see that as being much fun. . . . it's stupid to try to hit on someone in SL in a language which you do not speak fluently. . . . If you get the language right, it's going to take forever to get through it, and unless you're having weird tantric all-day-long sex with Sting, who has that kind of time?"

As for just plain bad pick-up lines, the fun folks on the SL Forum thread contributed these:

These three get a couple of points for attempted wit: "Hi Red...I'm Blue...I know a couple of poseballs with our names on them" (contributed by Merielle). "Is that a sculptie in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" (contributed by Ylikone). "You are over a year old, that's hot" (contributed by Foehn).

Guaranteed to be taken as a compliment (not): "I love your boobs. I don't like them big" (contributed by Alesia). Followed by its converse: "Hey babe...did you slide those yourself?" (contributed by Giz).

Let's not forget Vampire pick up lines: "Hey baby where have you been all my undeath?" (contributed by Collette).

And one more for the ESL grouping: "Are you agree to give pleausure to me, showing your breasts..? ;-)" (contributed by Taylor). In another post Damianos pointed out that: "When looking for a date, Babelfish is a terrible wingman...."

My own personal all-time favorite bad pick-up line was from a fellow wearing only strategically placed straps who came up to me and said: "You look like you need a master. Are you looking for a master?" To which I responded: "If I was I am certain it wouldn't be someone with your charming approach and subtle sense of romance." He just said, "Okay." Then thanked me for the compliment (compliment? sheesh!) and left. Sarcasm is wasted on some people.

There are, however, men out there in SL who have that certain je ne sais quoi. The ones who know what to say, know when to say it, and have something (taste? tact? poise? manners?) that is also probably working for them in RL as well. So, just to leave you on a lighter note, here are some pick-up lines that worked:

Oryx tells of a fellow who walked up to her in a club and asked, "Anyway a newbie in a bad tuxedo could get a girl like you to dance with him?" She says she couldn't resist that and had a nice evening of dancing with the fellow.

Max's story is from the noob's perspective: "My first day in SL, I stopped at a waterfront home and walked in (hey, I didn't know it wasn't right to do that), anyway, there was a woman there changing clothes with no top on. I said 'Did you know you have no top on?' Well of course nothing happened then, I wasn't out for the sex thing, I didn't even know there was sex in SL at the time, that's how new I was. . . one thing led to another and, after many ups and downs, we are not only married in SL, but engaged in RL. Gave her a one carat diamond ring just last weekend."

My own two best pick-up lines come from men who turned out not be not only erudite and witty, but sexy, romantic lovers as well. One was on a crowded boardwalk where a Spanish speaking noob was looking for help. When I sadly told him I didn't speak any Spanish, only French, a good-looking fellow stepped up and began speaking to the noob in Spanish. Thinking the situation was well in hand, I made to move on when the handsome one said: "Don't leave, you are the most beautiful thing I've seen in SL." What girl could resist a line like that? We are still close friends.

The other best line came from a man who asked me about my name, but since I've told that story before I won't go into it again--suffice to say, girls, that when you find the man who uses the right line, who is creative and intelligent and has a romantic soul, who can make you feel special as well as drive you crazy . . . hang on to him for all you are worth!

cross-posted to Viscious Studios by Vicious Tsai Jie

Song for a New Day: "We Belong Together"

Many times I've tried to tell you
Many times I've cried alone
Always I'm surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Don't want to leave you really
I've invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

Chorus:

We belong to the light
We belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words
We've both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We belong, we belong
We belong together

Maybe its a sign of weakness
When I don't know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn't know
What to do with my strength anyway
Have we become a habit
Do we distort the facts
Now there's no looking forward
Now theres no turning back
When you say

(chorus)

Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
Clear your mind and do your best
To try and wash the palette clean
We cant begin to know it
How much we really care
I hear your voice inside me
I see your face everywhere
Still you say

(chorus)

Canción Para Hoy: "Bilingual" by Jose Nunez

Just a heads up. . . the lyrics to this song are very graphic. I love them because they make me hot. If you are easily offended by raw sexuality, read no further (and BTW if you are easily offended, what the hell are you doing reading my blog?)



The only aphrodisiac I need is your voice
Hearing you speak my name
Beckoning me to answer
Telling me you want me
So I tell you that you're the answer to every question I've ever had about love
Without words I use my tongue to tell the tale of us
Tracing your shadowscape
Kneeling before you my eyes feast upon your masculinity and
All its divinity and I praise you
Because all of that is for me
I begin to indulge myself of your delicacies
Digesting semi-sweet dark chocolate decadence as it melts
Dripping down my chin
Your taste is something Godiva couldn't re-create
Needing every atom of your anatomy
Necessity is placed upon me knowing you are the source of my serendipity
Dipping in and out of me stroking more than my consciesness
Subconsciously I find myself rewinding our love scenes
In my daydreams
Seeing that face you make when you're making me cum
And it makes me want you right there and then
Thinking of you in inappropriate places I get
Tingling sensations in private locations where
I wish to be caught between a rock and your hard place
As wetness develops my legs begin to open and my spot turns to a backdraft and all
I want you to do is extinguish it
You know my body like the back of your hands
And touch me and send me into ecstacy
My thighs quiver in anticipation of deep penetration which gets me high
Body rising
Sweating
Panting
Make-up melting
Pulling my hair and
Scratching my back
I get a temporary case of tourettes because all
I can say are four letter words in a four octave-range screaming your name
[Spanish]
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
I see your tongue pink between your lips and I want it between mine
And I struggle
As you lick torturing me
I try to get away but
Not really
Running out of room begging for more
Up against the wall that has been scuffed by my stilletos
Again
You pry apart my thighs and tell me to be still
And I willingly submit to you because I love the way you dominate me
Demanding that I cum for you so I do as I'm told
You've molded me so I'm good to no-one else but you
You've conquered this once orgasmicless world and multiplied it
Again and
Again
My face radiates with after-glow
My pillow scented by you
A fragrance which haunts me
My room smells of the best sex
I
Covered in body prints and finger prints and you above me
Your name written indelibly upon my body in your genetic history
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual

Song for this week: "You Lift Me Up" by Josh Groban

An unusual pairing: Josh Groban's beautiful voice singing a song with lyrics that speak to me; add to that a Japanese anime version of Romeo and Juliet. And yet, on so many levels, it works for me. The Romeo of my dreams, on a mountain top. Who could ask for more?

How Not to Charm a Girl in SL by Lashxevious

Poking about the Blogosphere this morning I encountered Lashxevious, another SL blogger with a great sense of humor. Here's her take on how not to go about picking up chicks in SL:

How not to Charm a girl in SL by lashxevious
. . . Anyway, here are some things about SL guys that annoy me.

1. Moving too fast. SL is good for flirting. And flirting is fun! So why the hell ruin it by going into "Exclusive boyfriend" mode? That whole dancing the girl around and giving her the "I think I'm falling for you" spiel ... yeah, we know that line. And we know that's bullshit, especially if the most you've known the girl is 2 weeks and the most extensive conversation you've had was how much work your boss gave you. Usually if she does give it to you, she's just as ready to use you and spit you out, so well ... at least those fickle feelings are mutual.

2. Cheesy, Lame Casanovary. So you tp'd her to "Lover's Ultimate Uber Snuggly Heavenly Paradise Nirvana Utopia" where cuddle balls float atop primmy clouds and caves behind waterfalls harbour sexgen beds with 524,986 different poses where you can work your kamasutra mastery. Dude. It's. Not. Fun. Any girl worth her weight in online gaming will not think a laggy stroll through White Outline Tree park is fun. Fun is where there is opportunity for hilarity and goofiness. Let her whip out the katanas and spend an hour or so plummeling each other and throwing out cheesy kungfu dialog. She gets to be aggressive, you can be a man. It's flirty, it's friendly, and is about the closest you'll get to foreplay at the moment.

3. Having the audacity to think you can dress her better. Unless you were raised from birth by a pack of knowledgeable, posh fashion experts, there's no friggin chance in a mealyworm's rectum that you would know how to dress a woman. 9 times outta 10, that store you're taking her to is a direct replica of the Skanky Stripper 101 catalog. Now I wanna be sexy like anybody else, but there's sexy and there's skanky. Skanky is not hygienic. And giving her money to buy these things doesn't earn you points either becuz SHE HATES IT.

4. IM Whoring. Another peeve of mine. You invite the girl over and as soon as she is standing in front of you, you slump into a catatonic state. Head darting to and fro, revealing all too well the signs of IM ADD. Dude, if you invite her over, anyone over, pay attention to that person, since they obviously agreed to be pulled away from whatever it was they were doing to look at your sorry mug. If you can't be gracious enough to follow through with the invite, continue on with your precious IM's ... ALONE, ya spacey bastard.

5. Getting too sappy. I hate these lines: "I never felt this way before"-"I'm amazed by you"-"I love you now and forever" and UGH I can't continue on cuz the bile is rising up my throat. First of all, if ya wanna say such nonsense go to a karaoke bar during Lionel Ritchie night. And second, it's scientifically known that too much sap on an ass can actually lead to a nasty burn. And any guy that gets really sappy during cyber sex is just weird. Get out and bang some real flesh already. Sex is not about doves singing and feelings soaring to the heavens. WTF.

6. You nasty POS. It goes both ways. Being too perverted, too technical. Anytime colon, perineum, bubble, and whisk is combined into a sentence GTFO. Okay, okay, let's say the girl you're with is just awesomely arousing to you, that aint no excuse. Stop trying to hump her every time she merely smirks your way. Hi, babe *humps your face* How's your day, hun? *humps your face* Umm, wanna just do my leg? I'm trying to build here. *cums*

7. Dragging in the muthaeffin entourage. I don't get how one person can have 16 different best friends all of the opposite gender and insist he's not screwing around with any of them. If he's straight anyway. Nothing ruins a moment faster than teleporting in 2 of your "gal pals" while snuggling the girl you're supposedly wooing. No, she will not trust you. No, she's not impressed you know someone who makes hair. Let's flip the tables on your ass and see how it feels when two random guys pop in to watch.

8. Prissy Lil Know-It-All. I know I'm not perfect. I don't have an answer for everything. I'll say I dunno, or just don't care. I'm a typo-du-jour. And I appreciate a good critique or sensible tip to guide me to bettering what I'm doing. But I do not like being corrected all the freaking time. To even go as far as correcting a wisecrack is not cool either. Just shows you have no sense of sarcasm and got a major stick up your butt. Smart guys are awesome if they're not acting like pricks due to their intelligence. Showing off those brains might mean you're compensating for something anyway, like CHARM.

9. Muscley-Caveman-Fabio drool. Ah, aren't I just the pickiest? I can't talk to these types. "U want dance" Umm was that a question or a statement? "Me laik U" In what sense? Species? Evolution? Prolly not the former. "U want sex?????//" Oh dear god ... just zap out my genitals now lest I accidentally procreate with this thing. Talk dammit. Talk right. I like guys who know how to spell or at least try. So what he spelled "triangulate" wrong, he at least has the brain cells to use it in a sentence. I know some guys who can pull off the abbreviated way of chatting well. It's cuz they make up for it in wit and overall expression of thought. So do the short hand type, but just make some frigging sense. SL is all about communicating, typing won't be phased out by Voice anytime soon.

10. Desecrating Dante. You know who you are. Or the people around you know what you have done. What is with these guys that have extremely bulky shoulders and teeny heads that remind me of the buckets at the dime casino. Bucketheads. What possesses you to make yourself grotesquely unproportionate? Muscles maxxed to 100. Arm length 30. Foot size 100++. And if that's not enough, you use DANTE to cover your obtuse features. Look at the damn poster when you buy that skin. You can't possibly think there's a similarity. Dante alone won't help you. And poor Dante, so beautiful, and so abused.

Here's a tip: the tip of your fingers should be touching midway down your thigh. Your hand should be a lil over half the length of your forearm. You buckethead should be more than 50 size. Your feet-coinpurse-muscles should never be 100.

Or just wear an intricate robot avie or something. Deformed human forms distract me from focusing on the personality since in my head I'm tweaking things. Give me nightmares why don't ya.

And there ya go, I guess there is more, but they're more about nuances I find in RL. I just wrote this at work to kill time. I needed something to amuse myself. >.<

You rock, Lash! Hey, boys? Hope you are paying attention!

A song for my man: "When You Say You Love Me"

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.

When you say you love me,
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me,
For a moment, there's no one else alive.

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel
sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me
For a moment there's no one else alive.

And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me
In that moment I know why I'm alive.

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

Narrating the Sensual Senses

In RL we are bombarded daily with sensations: sound, sight, smell, taste, touch. In SL we are a bit more limited. All we have is the visual (our avatars and animations) and verbal (chat and IM) for expressing ourselves--although happily that verbal is sometimes now audio (the second life voice viewer is live) as well as text. But without the sensation of touch, the ability to run fingertips over skin, to let lips connect, to feel the pleasure of orgasm and ejaculation, how can sex in SL be as gratifying as that in real life? For some it can't. For those, however, who are willing to let their imaginations go, there is a a remarkable wealth of sensations that can be described and thus imagined along with the physical release that comes from the mutual masturbation that accompanies SL sex.

Think about it. Some of the most remarkable pleasures of a sexual relationship are not in the end product: orgasm, but rather are those small things that trigger imagination and desire. The warmth and strength of a holding lover's hand in yours carries with it the memory every hand that you have ever held, from the security of the parent's hand when you were a child to that first daring time you touched a member of the opposite sex, to the fingers of the most desired lover you can't forget. When you describe twining your fingers with those of your SL partner--describe the way your fingers slide into his, describe feeling the strength of his hand that could crush yours yet holds you with a touch as light as a butterfly--you evoke the memories he carries as well as your own. We connect best in SL when those memory patterns overlap, when both partners have the same sort of pleasurable memories to draw on. Another way of saying this is that you must be willing or able to connect on some inner levels with your partner. Know what he likes and dislikes.

Take scents for instance. Scents are remarkable triggers of memory. Lavender always reminds me of my grandmother, pleasant memories, but not conducive to romance. Jasmine, however, makes me feel sexy, exotic. I can trigger either scent in my own brain by its description, by merely naming it. No olfactory stimulation necessary. So if I tell my lover that I love the way he smells, like cinnamon and deep woods, and when I tell him that if he buries his face in my hair I will smell of oranges and jasmine, I am triggering my own memories of certain sexy men's colognes, of cooking in a kitchen with a lover, and of my own sexual identity.

He, too, has to on some level, think of those as sexy agreeable scents and also be able to imagine them. If he has never smelled jasmine he might be able to as least conjure an image of flowers and connect that to a romantic moment. But if cinnamon reminds him of pumpkin pie and Christmas and family things, that might not be the frame of reference I want to evoke for a truly lusty encounter. The important thing is to listen to what your lover is saying, pay attention to how he responds to your descriptive moments in IM or voice. Don't get so carried away by your own narrative that you forget to listen to what he is saying and especially what he is responding to!

If you can flesh out the narrative, clearly describing what the sights, scents, tastes, and touches are of your lovemaking, and encourage (by example) your partner to do the same . . . SL sex can be as good as (even if different from) RL sex.

Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying: Fulfill a Phone Fantasy

From the pages of Cosmo Magazine online comes this tidbit of advice that may be well worth applying to your love life in SL. . . .

Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying: Fulfill a Phone Fantasy

These days everyone and their dog has a cell phone. Okay, maybe not everyone. More like 156.6 million Americans over the age of 12, according to the global market-research group GfK NOP. But how is our main mode of communication impacting our sex lives? Turns out, it's making couples more courageous. "Interacting via technology rather than face-to-face provides an anonymity that often makes it easier for partners to express their desires," explains Lisa B. Schwartz, Ph.D., a sex therapist in private practice in Pennsylvania. "More couples seem to be exploring this freedom and sharing fantasies this way."
If the thought of partaking in phone play leaves you kind of speechless, this passion plan will loosen you up. First thing in the morning, lock your guy in for the evening with a firm text message. (Cancel your plans. U R mine 2nite.) At noon, divulge more of your pleasure plot in a second text (My place. 8. Bring a necktie and whipped cream).
When he shows up at 7:25 (the man will be eager, girl), grab the props, make him comfortable on the sofa and quickly retreat to another room. Then dial him up on his cell from behind closed doors and tell him step-by-step exactly what you wish you were doing to him ("I want to tie you to my bedpost and lick whipped cream off every last inch of you"). Keep up the delicious banter until he has no choice but to hang up and barge right in.



Now how to translate that to SL? For one thing, before you even hit the virtual bedroom start in IMs telling him what you want to do to him when you see him. Just as the Cosmo Tip suggested build the anticipation for him.

Let's face it, SL is basically phone sex when you use voice. Use the private call feature in SL voice. Your sim doesn't have voice enabled, you say? NP! Get your partner to load Gtalk, or AIM, Yahoo Messenger or any other voice capable chat program that both of you can run. Then run your voice conversation separate from your SL role play. In fact the connection is often cleaner and clearer through a chat program than in SL voice.

Why add this dimension of sound? Believe me when I say it is an incredible turn on to hear your partner's pleasure. No more typing of an emote (/me moans softly)--just do it! Hearing your partner's voice can help you gauge his responses better, too. Is he quiet, not saying much? Take a different tactic. Move from vaginal to oral sex talk. Is he saying "yes, oh god, yes!" in that I-am-going-to-explode tone of voice as you tell him what you are doing to him? Then you are heading in the right direction. Voice adds a whole new sensation to SL sex. Give it a listen!

Quote for tonight: from Kahlil Gibran

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

--from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

Song for this weekend: "The first time ever I saw your face"

Sometimes...no matter where we go or who we are with...we can't help remembering the first time we saw someone special, or heard his voice for the very first time....