Lately I've been kissing people I'm not married to...

SL is a strange place. You can get immediately and intimately connected with people you barely know. Now I am not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, and lord knows I am not likely to give up doing so myself, but I read a post a while ago on Salon.com that reminded me of what the unintended consequences could be for SL relationships.

Salon.com has an advice column (generally witty, always interesting) written by Cary Tennis. This offering is "Lately I've been kissing women I'm not married to," a lament from a married man who finds himself wanting to act out his fantasies of making out with strangers... here's a small piece:

My situation is this: I think of myself as happily married. My wife and I have a good relationship. Our sex life is just fine. Why have I done this? My recurring fantasy is going out with a woman from work and we end up at her place after drinks, fooling around. Pretty vanilla, I know. But that's me! The situation this week followed my fantasy to a T, which I clearly found exciting. But my fantasy always goes further than what actually happened this week. I/we stopped it in its tracks because I/we knew it was wrong. But why wasn't I smart enough to stop it earlier, when we were having drinks and were both giving clear signals to each other? I would understand if I was unhappy in my marriage. That is why I find my behavior so stupid. What is my problem? 

Serial Kisser 

Dear Serial Kisser,
What is your problem? Your problem is that if you continue to kiss women you are not married to, soon you will no longer be married. That is the usual outcome with the kissing of attractive women you are not married to. You are evidently aware of this in some dim way. That would be why this hobby of yours is not bringing you unalloyed pleasure but instead a pleasure tinged with a dollop of piquant dread. . . . I mean, it's understandable what's been happening. Get a few drinks in you and you want to kiss people. It's natural. Nothing wrong with that per se, except you're married. You know the rules. You knew the rules when you signed up. Nobody forced you to sign up. You signed up on your own. There are a lot of people you don't get to kiss now. It's tough, I know. But those are the rules. 

If Cary is correct, well, there are a lot of us breaking those rules by our actions in our SL lives. So the ultimate question becomes: is having a relationship in SL a threat to an RL relationship? I personally know of at least 2 RL couples playing in SL who have come close to the brink of separation/divorce and may yet tip over it. These are RL married couples who play separately in SL and have SL relationships with SL partners other than their RL ones. And in both cases each partner has one or more SL sweetie, someone other than their RL one. It should also be said that in each case the RL relationship was in someways dysfunctional before anyone got involved with anyone else in SL.
There are also cases of people getting involved with SL partners to the exclusion and alienation of their RL spouses. An August 10, 2007 article in the Wall Street Journal, "Is this Man Cheating on his Wife?", tells the story of one guy who has in effect traded his RL for his SL, spending full days on the computer in SL with his other wife, an SL partner. Andrew Vogel's response, in his blog Spunlogic, tells us:

According to family law experts and marital counselors, though, the Hoogestraats’ deteriorating marriage is not an isolated case. The article cites that an increasing number of marriages are crumbling because of “virtual infidelity.” This begs the question, if virtual marriages are causing real life marriage trouble, are the virtual marriages all that virtual?

And there is the crux of the issue. Secondlife isn't just a game anymore. There are real people and real feelings on the other side of that avatar. Just like you can pick up a one-night stand in a bar, you can pick one up in SL. And just like that one-time good time in RL can lead to something serious so can an SL relationship become serious. 

So what is the answer? Telling everyone--telling ourselves--"Hey! Don't do that!" Oh yeah, that'll work. Look. Let's face it. There is a huge divorce rate in this country. And why? Because Americans throw something out and get a new one when it doesn't work anymore. Here's a notion. Maybe the SL relationship can save the RL one that isn't working? Don't get enough sex at home? Have an affair or hire an escort in SL. No diseases, no mess, not expensive, not illegal. But don't expect a full time SL relationship AND a full time RL one. I'm not saying you can't have both--just that you have to be able to balance what you want with what you can realistically have. And be really sure, if you find you have to choose between the two, you are making the right choice--in full understanding of the effects of your choices on you, on the people in your real life, and on your SL lovers.

If It Feels Real: Sex, Harrassment, & Rape in Virtual Worlds

This week a friend of mine got griefed/harassed in Second Life by a woman who thought he was a man who had harassed her. The whole thing got so out of hand that he ended up filling an incidence report on the incensed and abusive woman who was herself a victim. Turns out the actual original harasser of the woman had a name a couple letter off of my friend's SL name. Ironic, no? The whole thing reminded me of a post I wrote back in February of 2008, so I thought I would repost it again. 

February 2008:
A while back there was an article in Virtually Blind about the Belgian police investigating an alleged rape that took place in Second Life last April. Now the first thing that comes to mind is that SL is a computer based user-controlled environment, is any sort of "rape" even possible? GameGrene has a very good article by Shataina on the issue of "Rape in RPGs" that everyone operating sexually in any virtual world should read.

One of the things I find most fascinating, though, is the wide variety of opinions that are still being generated on virtual world forums (the most recent response to the Virtually Blind story was just last week, the responses to Shataina's article in GameGrene went on for over two years with the last only a couple months ago). Why does the idea of rape or even sexual harassment of an imaginary figure push so many hot buttons for us? Most of the responses to this issue point out that the avatar is controlled at a "safe" distance, that there is no reason the person behind the av can't just tp out, mute the assailant, or turn off the computer and walk away. Other responders point out the strong identity connection to the av that the real person behind the controls has and how such an assault could disorient the real person behind the av.

The fact of the matter is that there are clear cases of sexual harassment in SL. I've met male avatars (thankfully not a lot) who have launched into graphic descriptions of what they "are doing" to my avatar--descriptions that involved graphic sexuality up to and including forcible rape scenarios. My response to that kind of behavior--if they don't take the initial response of "No thank you! I am not interested in having virtual sex with you!"--is generally something like: "are you such a lousy lover that you find it necessary to force yourself on women like this often?" My second response is to mute them. But I can see how, to someone who is young or insecure or (worse!) someone who has been a victim in RL, such an "attack" does in fact feel like rape. Is it prosecutable? Probably not. But you can report it and maybe even get an "attacker" banned from SL for such behavior (see: How to File an Incident Report).

The bottom line is that this issue is real. While it may not be rape, it certainly is rude, and that is ultimately not acceptable behavior. And lest we not forget, ladies, this door swings both ways. I'm heard from men in SL, too, that they have been put off of virtual sex because of pushy or aggressive women (all too often these are escorts looking for business). Many times in RL sexual assault cases turn into "He Said/She Said" debates. The point here is not to debate the issue, but to adhere to some standards of polite behavior to avoid such conflicts in the first place. Here are a few simple guidelines:

1. First and foremost, be certain the person you are chatting up is really interested in sex with you BEFORE launching into aggressive or sexually graphic chat. Ask not just once, but 2 or 3 times: "Say I'd like to make love to you . . . would you like to come back to my place?" If he or she says "no," that's it. Game over. No means no.

2. Pay attention to the cues they are sending you. Are they really responding to your flirtations? Or are they making polite non-committal noises? Much of the innuendo and inflection of real conversation can be lost in the use of IMs. Don't assume everyone is into virtual sex. Don't rush anyone into bed, don't let anyone drag you there against your better judgment. (An addendum to this one for escorts is that if you have not negotiated a price UP FRONT before the deed, then you don't get paid. Extortion after the fact is just as unacceptable as sexual harassment.)

3. If you are not comfortable with what someone is saying when they are flirting with you, tell them to stop. Tell them you aren't interested. If all else fails stop talking except for typing an an emote in the public chat like: "/me SLAPS YOU HARD ACROSS THE FACE". BTW, gentlemen, even if that person harassing you is a woman who doesn't want to take no for an answer, you can go ahead and slap her, too. Sometimes someone gets so caught up in the role they are playing they forget that not everyone wants to play along. You need to get your assailant's attention to make them stop.

4. If you are in a public sim, like a club, appeal to the owner or host for assistance. Sometimes a third party can get the attention of the assailant who is just lost in their own fantasy. At the very least a sim owner deserves to know what is going on so he or she can ban such a person from the sim and stop them from harassing others there.

5. If all else fails mute them, leave the area, or log off.

Sex, whether in SL or RL can be a wonderful mutual connection, a joyful coming together of willing lovers, of consensual adults. It should never be one-sided or hurtful. Being aware of your potential lover's real wants and needs, their stopping points and their go-aheads, is part of the learning curve of love. Take the time to do it right.

Song du Jour: The Guild - "Do You Want To Date My Avatar?"

OMG! ROTFLMAO!

"Strolling Through Graves" - Music Machinima

Great music, Hot dancer!

(/me whispers) GF! Where DID you get that hair?!

Trivia night at Callahan's

I was frustrated after a long day where all my words came out wrong somehow. You know how it is on days when you just seem to be unable to say things in a way people will understand you? So to blow off steam, I went in world. Callahan's was having Trivia night. Tolkien was the subject--I could not resist. I have read the LoTR more than a dozen times, it is my comfort literature... the stuff you read and reread and reread.

I missed the first half hour of the contest. But as I walked up the walk I heard: "Seven for the dwarf lords ___________" and as I walk in the door, I automatically say "in their halls of stone." I got the point. It was pretty much a walk in the park from there.

I told them I was kind of a ringer on this so I would happily not play if they thought it was unfair. They said that in depth knowledge didn't disqualify me by the rules. There was one guy, Zonker, who had 3 points when I came in who, after a couple more questions that I took, said he was gonna give up and just stare at my avatar instead. I liked that. Puts a girl in a good mood right away when someone likes what they see. Other people here and there had a point or 2 each. Only 3 or 4 questions got away from me after that. A couple I really didn't know, a couple I was not fast enough for.

I ended the evening as the winner with the scores being: me with 14 points, Zonker with 5 or so, and other people had 1 or 2 each. I told them I didn't feel right about taking of the prize (a gift certificate for all the Callahan's books from Amazon), so next week's trivia winner (the subject is Larry Niven--do you see a scifi author trend here?) will get it. The other half of the prize was that I got to pick the trivia subject for 2 weeks from now. I took Zonker's recommendation for Robert Heinlein. Now I have to come up with 25 Heinlein trivia questions. How well do you grok Heinlein? Wanna help?

After the contest was over most people went away, some stayed and talked Scifi Lit for a while. That was fun. Turned out Zonker is a Dr. Who fan. There was another fellow had come late and missed the contest, but who wanted to chat. He was being a bit flirty and came and stood by my chair. But then he turned voice on, while everyone else was still in text--I think that is kind of rude, so I was not impressed. He just talked over everyone's text, too, the kind of guy who wants to hear his own voice over everyone else's. When Zonker stood up to leave, so did I.

The thing about Callahan's is that everyone goes out the door before TPing. It's a kind of courtesy to maintain the illusion that this is a real bar. When I left the golden boy followed me and kept talking. I just kept walking, but then he asked: "how do you pronounce your name?" Now I am a sucker for a man who asks me about my name, so I stopped and turned. "It sounds like 'sigh', " I said. It all went downhill from there.

"No, that's wrong," he said, and proceeded to give me a lesson in Chinese language as he saw it. He told me that my name should be said "da-zigh" because the T becomes a D sound as in Mao Tsetung (which he pronounced Mao Duh-zee-dung). I told him the Chinese Hanzi characters are not the same, this is a soft C sound and would be spelled "Cai" in modern Romanized Pinyin Chinese. He proceeded to lecture me on Chinese and its many dialects. I said, "I know--I speak Putonghua." He said that he didn't know that one, he was talking about Mandarin Chinese. I tell him Putonghua IS what we Americans call Mandarin! But he is off on the next topic already, India. He says many dialects there, I say many distinct languages, and I begin to list them: Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu, Nepali, English. . . .

It is a bad move trying to argue with him. Like talking to a wall. Maybe I should have turned my voice on, while he kept rambling off on different tangents to impressed me (not!) with his knowledge (wrong!), I could have cussed him out in Mandarin, and then Mongolian, and French, and thrown Latin in for good measure. I think that he thought this was the way to impress a woman. I also think that he's an idiot and picked on the wrong woman. Now I was getting pissed.

Next golden-boy goes off into a sort of rambling diatribe and tells me Sanskrit is written in runes. I say glyphs, and he tells me again I am wrong, because he's read a lot and knows better. We argue the meaning of the word hieroglyphs. He: "picture" writing, so Sanskrit is "runes" because it is not pictures. I say: "sacred" writing, and BTW sanskrit also means "sacred writing," and besides, runes are purely Teutonic script. And I was determined to make him see his error (though why I felt the need to prove myself to this guy is beyond me at the moment).

Then comes the clincher. He tells me that he knows all about Sanskrit (and Cuneiform, too, BTW); he first learned about it by watching the movie Journey to the Center of the Earth and I suddenly realize that I have been trying to prove myself to someone I likely wouldn't bother with in RL. Someone who is probably a kid who lives in his parent's basement with his computer, his video games, and his movie collection. Someone I would not stoop to conquer in real life. How odd is that?

Now I feel like an idiot. I tp'ed home and sat on the couch and reread my conversation with him. Why on earth did I even in engage in that exchange? Okay, I was feeling cocky and smart (having won the contest and all), and I was coming off a week full of missteps and insecurities in RL (some of that has to do with goings on at work, a coworker with whom I can't work). And some of it has to do with the way the universe has been unkind about a number of real life romance things.

But still, I have behaved like an idiot. Had to prove myself. But to whom? And why? It did neither me nor Golden Boy any good to try to one up each other. And it ruined any chance of a normal conversation between us ever again.

Here's the thing about SL. We put on avatars and suddenly we need to be larger than life. We script our own movies. We are the stars of our own melodramas. What is up with that? Are the emotions higher in SL? Hearts worn on the sleeve and all? Or are we just so damn wrapped up in the roles we play that we forget about the other people in the movie with us?

I am a firm believer in Serendipity. That there are lessons all around us if we only take the time to listen rather than trying to force our own will on the universe. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'll just sit and ponder on this for a while.

A Second Life. . . or why am I here?

You are asking yourself what is this woman talking about? A second life? It's true . . . but to really understand my second life, you need to experience Second Life.

I admit it, I am addicted. I'd like to blame Bobby and Amanda who first mentioned it. Or Rhiannon who got me to watch over her shoulder, but the truth is I am a sucker for a good storyline and the beauty of SL is that you can write your own story. It is role playing. It is the holodeck and the replicator (that's Trekker speak) all rolled into one. It is another reality and it is escapism.

So because it was almost summer and I had the time, I joined. Two years ago today. Next I needed money. Gotta buy clothes (don't want to look a total noob) and bling  from the designers and the scripters (because SL is also capitalism at its finest). The money here is called "Lindens," and one US real dollar is worth around 250L. So for about the price of a cup of Starbucks coffee I can have 1000 Lindens to play with in the Second Life world(s). Not bad. You don't have to really eat, or mow the grass, or do the dishes (unless you want to--just about anything can be put into gestures, a string of actions that your character or avatar can do). This includes virtual sex.  Best of all though is the dancing. Alone on a club floor, in the arms of a handsome avatar, even all by yourself in the moonlight. 

And then there is SL sex. Think about it.  No bugs to catch. You can say YES. Maybe get money for saying yes, maybe get presents, maybe just do it because you want to connect to a special someone. And you can say NO. And no one can force you. Don't like the guy who is coming on to you? Mute button. He follows you around? Delete him from of your friends list and he can't see you. Corners you? TP (teleport) out. Harrasses you? Report him to the PTB. All in all that adds up to the potential for a lot of fun, and no foul.

Beware, though, SL is addicting. Don't let SL occupy you so much that you forget that you have a Real Life (tm) too. And don't mix them or there is a big broken heart potential. Don't share RL info in SL with anyone you do not know VERY well. Don't be surprised when (if you share SL info with them) RL friends think you need therapy.

A good thing to keep in mind is that this is role playing. Your avatar (your SL body) is both you and not you. You can look anyway you want. In fact, most of the avatars look like gorgeous sexy 20 somethings. Never assume that how the avatar looks is the same as how the person looks in RL! Many of us do try to stick somewhat close to our ideal RL selves. I am, for instance, really an RL blonde, but in RL my eyes are more grey than green or blue. Some of us choose to be another gender, or another creature. I can be a smoke demon. Or a lust demon. In SL we can have any face and hair and body and clothes we want (or can afford). We can have wings, fur, feathers, elf ears, vampire teeth, horns, scales, or tails. I know of one fellow who lives most of his SL life as a Cheetah. I've met another who was a robot. And there is no way to tell what anyone's real age is. All of this is NP (no problem) if we don't lose control, if we don't forget which life is which.

An Apology to Ms. LilyBell Snoodle

Dear Readers, I have perpetrated a grave injustice on a lovely and delightful Lady Genetic Construct. Yesterday, when I told you all about my visit to the Firefly Bar, I mistakenly referred to LilyBell Snoodle, the beautiful bartender there as a "Neko." Which just goes to show we should never make assumptions about someone based on ears alone. Mind you, the adorable ears do make one form assumptions, but as Lily herself told me in a comment on my blog post: "Her am not a cat!"

According to her blog LilyBell is in fact a genetic construct. Now I am not sure what exactly a genetic construct is, but it seems to have something to do with Recombinant DNA, a computer, the Reavers, and a (cat?) collar. According to her blog, "She was created to achieve one thing and one thing only. But her designer and creator (his name is Mindo but that's another story for another time) had his own agenda. Not a bad guy, Mindo. Just a little...well...a romantic at heart I suppose one could say. And he loved his creation." And what Lily was created to do was to mate. With a computer.

Not so unusual to those of us living second lives. Some of us mate with computers. . . or rather use computers to mate with each other . . . all the time! We call it virtual sex.

In Lily's case, however, something went wrong, someone pushed a button on her collar, and "Pressing the 'recombine' switch was effectively a 'reboot' - Lily as she was known and as she knew herself would go away and the genes used in her creation would recombine in a new sequence. She's still be in there...just a bit in disarray if you'll forgive the pun."

You can read more about LilyBell's adventures at: http://lilybellsnoodle.blogspot.com./

And to you, Ms. LilyBell, I do hope you will forgive my misunderstanding on the nature of your being and accept my apologies. You do serve a fine sake there at Firefly, and I intend to return for another sample!

Love like you'll never be hurt, dance like nobody's watching...

I thought I'd post this picture of dancing with a special friend in Valis. . . . just because sometimes we are so very pretty.

[Fashion by Emo-tion, Dirty Lynx, Bird of Prey, and DE Designs]

Virtual Sex in Second Life

Yet again, SL Divorce hits the News

My friend Corwyn sent me this piece from the London Times: Second Life affair leads to real-life divorce for David Pollard, aka Dave Barmy. Now we've all heard the stories of SL romances breaking up RL marriages, Dutch and Tenaj, Rene and Dina, but bear with me here, folks, this one has a new twist. It began in Second Life in the first place!

"David Pollard and Amy Taylor met in an online chat room in 2003 and married after discovering a shared love of the internet game Second Life. . . . The couple met in an internet chat room in May 2003 and within six months Ms. Taylor had moved from London to Mr. Pollard's flat in Newquay, Cornwall. They married at a register office in St Austell in July 2005 and held a virtual wedding for their avatars in Second Life. "

That alone would make you think that the idea of a virtual love affair should not come as a surprise to the wife here, but no.

"Ms. Taylor, 28, filed for divorce on the ground of unreasonable behaviour after her husband admitted falling in love with the virtual female character. She discovered the affair after a rare break from her computer. When she returned from a nap she caught a glimpse of her husband's avatar in a compromising position on a sofa with a female avatar."

So she goes to take a nap and hubby, who fell in love with her on-line, falls for another woman on-line. But wait, there's more. Is this the first time hubby has messed about on wifey in SL?

"Ms Taylor's suspicions were aroused in 2007 and she hired a Second Life private investigator. The virtual sleuth, called Markie MacDonald, caught Dave Barmy in flagrante and he apologised to his online and real world wives."

So as far back as 2007 he had different SL and RL wives? Do we see a pattern beginning to emerge? And what do the unhappy couple have to say about it?

"She said: 'I was so hurt. I just couldn't believe what he'd done. It's cheating as far as I'm concerned, but he didn't see it as a problem and couldn't see why I was so upset. He said I was just making a big fuss and tried to make out it was my fault for not giving him enough attention.' . . . Mr. Pollard, 40, said yesterday that his former wife was more interested in her life online than she was in him. 'If I wanted to spend time with her I had to ask.'"

You know what is really sad about this? Not that they are divorcing. But that they are sad people who both blew it. Yes, BOTH. There were expectations on each side of that relationship that were not being met. One wonders if they ever even communicated their expectations to each other.

Wake up all you lovers, RL and SL, out there. Love is NOT easy. Like anything that is worthwhile, it takes hard work. If you expect your partner (RL or SL) to spend time with you you need to get off you real (or virtual) ass and spend time with them! Make time. Go on dates, dammit. Spend a romantic evening AT LEAST once a week doing something nice for the other person. Don't just wait for them to do stuff for you! Do stuff together.

Find things you have in common. Is he a craftsman in RL or builder in SL? Girl, get him to teach you or at least be there helping him, admiring and critiquing his work! She writes? Dude, read her blog/poetry/stories and offer your advice and support! Look for ways you compliment each other and for pity sake COMPLIMENT each other! If nothing else, SL offers worlds upon worlds to explore together, and guess what . . . SO DOES RL!

You know, the sex may have been what attracted you to each other, but the connections you forge are what keeps your partner coming back for more. If there isn't more there, boys and girls, someone is gonna go looking elsewhere.

Song du Jour: Gavin Rossdale's "Love Remains The Same"

I can't help but think of Draven when Rossdale sings, "Gravity like a lunar landing." It's that pose he has with fists at his sides.

SL Sociology 101 by Corwyn Allen

[The following is an article written by an RL friend of mine who has recently discovered SL and who, familiar with the many masks of role-play, has taken a close look at what he sees in the world of SL fantasy. --Tsai]

All the World’s a Stage

So here I am, chatting up this lovely young avatar in Second Life, telling her how I’m going to eventually buy some land and start building a place of my own when she asks me, “So what will you be role-playing?” I had to take a long pause. I’d never heard that question asked in SL. Granted, I’ve only been playing a scant few months, but still, it’s not even a question I’d asked myself. Why? Because to me SL *is* role-playing. I mean, here we are, taking new names, creating new bodies for our avatars, and putting on clothing (or in some cases taking it off) that we’d never be able to wear in Real Life (RL from here on out). We’re creating characters that are sometimes extensions of how we see ourselves in our minds' eye, and sometimes characters that are so far away from who we are as to be completely unrecognizable by even the creators of that character. Then we create personal spaces, homes that are castles or pagodas, or high rise apartment buildings, sometimes even floating in the sky. And let’s not forget the virtual sex. It turns phone sex into a cheap date. Now if that isn’t role-playing, I’m not sure I know what is. To me, all of SL is role-playing no matter what you personally do with it.

You Can Lead a Horticulture…

I guess that needs clarification. There are many more different cultures in SL than one can ever find outside of science fiction or fantasy novels in RL. There are of course those that spill over from RL, the Goths, the Vampires, the Furries and others who inhabit Sci-Fi Cons (science fiction conventions to the initiated). These people create their own spaces and avatars that emulate what they do to a lesser degree in RL. The Nekos, or Cat People, are one example. These folks create avatars that look like Anime humanoid cats. I have seen examples of people in RL getting piercings and tattoos and even skin implants to emulate given animals, like one man who had implants put into his upper lip so he could attach cat whiskers, and then got cat’s eye contact lenses and wears ears and fur and cat makeup. And a guy who got an all body tattoo to resemble lizard scales and skin implants to make his head more lizard-like. These are considered extreme in RL, but in SL it’s all par for the course because the ears, whiskers, and even tails become part of your SL body. And you don’t need to mutilate your RL body to do it. In fact you can change your body any time you want. I only wish I had the physique in RL that I have given myself in SL. Woo-hoo!

Tripping the Light Fantasia

But let’s not forget the folks who just go for a relatively normal appearance. Ok, so there’s nothing “normal” about everyone looking like they just stepped out of Cosmo or Today’s Man, but that’s not the point. No one in SL, at least no one I’ve yet encountered, ever builds an avatar that looks enough like themselves in RL that you could put their RL picture up next to their SL picture and not be able to tell them apart. They want an idealized version of themselves. So even if they don’t go Goth or Neko or LGM from outer space they’re still a fantasy character.

So what does that mean? It means that we’re here for the fantasy. We can do things in SL we can’t do in RL. I’d love to be able to fly without having to use an airplane or even have wings. I’d love to be able to teleport from one place to another. But more than that, I’d love to be able to chat up or flirt with a pretty young woman I’ve never met without fear of getting hit with a sexual harassment suit, or just plain hit. (Ow!) But it’s even more than that. We’re here for the relationships. So let’s talk about that.

There are all kinds of things one can do in SL with a partner (or partners if that’s your thing). From simple cuddling on some cushions, to dancing to . . . well, you get the idea. And there are graphic, um, aids, that can enhance these experiences. And this leads to arousal of varying degrees in RL. I have to admit to feeling aroused while slow dancing with a pretty avatar. Just watching the avatars interact can be very stimulating. And once you get to intimate chatting with your partner the experience increases.

Only the Lonely?

So why do we come to SL to do this? I think because in many cases we simply can’t do it in RL. Oh sure, we might be able to if the opportunity presented itself, but that’s the point. For some people that opportunity is not going to present itself in RL for a variety of reasons. One person may not be what is considered physically attractive. Another may have the social skills of a goat. Yet another may simply be afraid of social encounters. But in SL you can find those opportunities in wild abundance. The chances for casually intimate (no, that’s not an oxymoron) relationships in SL are as abundant as wild flowers in a spring meadow. Let’s revisit the avatar’s appearance for a minute. Someone is going to build the most attractive avatar for themselves that they can. They've created a flower to attract butterflies. In RL they may not be that pretty flower and the people they would want to attract in RL wouldn’t give them the time of day. But in SL it’s easy. And once people come up to you or allow you to approach them the door is open to further social interaction.

But it’s not all about the appearance. That’s just the initial attractor. Remember I said that our characters are extensions of our RL selves. How we physically see ourselves in our own minds. So once the initial virtual pheromone has been sent out by way of the appearance of the avi (short for avatar) one now has to introduce the persona. We have to speak and act a certain way in order to maintain the attractiveness. Some personae, once they open their virtual mouths immediately turn other persons off no matter how attractive they are (gee, just like in RL). Still others have a way with words that enhance the visual attractiveness. This is what I call the Romance Factor.

Romancing the Grid

I think we are all looking for romance in one form or another. For some romance can take the form of the casual liaison or even just sex, virtual or otherwise (I have to pause here and quote a favorite writer, Spider Robinson, who had one of his characters comment on making love vs. just plain having sex as saying, “I tried fucking. There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s just not enough right with it”). For others it’s all about how the person you’re with makes you feel by what they say to you and how they phrase it. Some people in SL are looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend that they can’t manage to find in RL. Someone who makes them feel special or cherished. They come to SL because they’re lonely and need that romantic lift in their lives. They need to be able to speak openly and freely without fear of the consequences or repercussions one might encounter in RL. Some want to have multiple and varied partners perhaps because they don’t want to be tied to one avi or because their own fantasies cover different venues, one time being an elegant Regency Period gentleman, the next a Medieval Lord or a Harley Biker with a jet pack. The roles can change in SL. They don’t have to be static. And so the Romance Factor is further enhanced.

Lookin’ for Love in all the Virtual Spaces

We must, however be sure not to confuse virtual romance with real love. And of course that brings us to an interesting question. Just what is love and how does it equate through feeling romantic in a game? I’m not sure I know the answer to that. (Anyone? Bueller?) I think there is a danger of “falling in love” with an avatar as opposed to the persona behind the avatar. I’ve known at least one real person who has come to love an SL persona, but their relationship, while totally electronic (they live in different part of the country and have never met outside SL), has been fulfilling for both and they have related on both an SL and an RL level. This is a romance between the real people behind the personae, not just between role-played avatars or those avatars' personae.

In any case, I think one should approach SL relationships with caution. Feelings can be just as fragile in the virtual world as in the real. Be up front and be honest. You may find it’s much easier in SL than in RL. In fact, SL may actually make social interaction easier for the person who is more socially inept in RL who can interact here with people up front and honestly without being overtly offensive or worse, being terrified to act at all.

The Final Frontier

In summation, what we have is a lot of people leading dull, dreary, lonely or just plain uninteresting Real Lives looking for the excitement of romance in a personally tailored Second Life. But unlike RL, in SL you can put less in and get more out of it. But of course SL isn’t inhabited by only those looking for romance. A good time can be had by all, and that good time varies with personal interests. The intent of this article is to only focus on the role-playing and romance aspects of SL.

So at the end of the day we find ourselves drawn to our fantasies, be they bodice-ripping romance novels, a favorite television show in which we become invested in the characters on the screen, or Second Life. The real world around is vast, but at the same time too constricting. We must obey the laws, whether of physics or of government. We must be aware that in RL one person’s charming conversation is another person’s sexist or racist remark. If you bump into someone you should ask their pardon, and you can’t walk under water. But in SL, if at first you don’t succeed, redraw your avi and start again. No one is going to have you arrested, or sent to court and fined, and the worst that can happen is that you can get booted off SL for abuse (see their terms of agreement). You can do a lot with SL as long as you remember it’s only a role-playing fantasy and RL is still out there waiting for you to get up on Monday morning and go to work so you can continue to pay for your SL account and Internet access. Just a final word of caution; be careful about letting your SL spill over into your RL. That man you’re kissing may just turn out to be a woman.

Second Life Places To Visit: Grendel's Children Revisited

A week ago I told you about a lovely sim called Grendel's Children, well . . . since then I have had the chance to revisit that place, explore it further, and it is even more impressive than I thought. Grendel's is the brainchild of Flea Bussy who has made a secondlife career of unique avatar design. From dragons to dark fae, robots to raptors, sirens to succubi, trolls to tanks, you can find anything you can envision becoming in Grendel's. In a recent interview with Not Possible in Real Life, Flea says that: "I'm one of those people who's bread and butter is imagination. I always wanted to make, say, 'stuff for video games,' a very common dream of teens 'n such, 'n then you grow up realizing it's not easy, and not like you'll just get scooped up by some game company 'n be all hailed. And, over a bit of time, I realized I'd hate (it) if all the things I invented existed as they do in 90% of games to: 'just kill it.'" Fortunately for us, Flea diecovered Second Life. Now, 4 sims and 800 avatars later, here's Grendel's Children with Flea and a staff of 23 builders cranking out some of the coolest avs in SL, as well as building and nmaintaining a vast and gorgeous landscape to role play those marvelous creations in.

This is me in my new Lust Demon hair, eyes, and wings from the av collection there.

There are three floors of skybox shops in Grendel's, and all the avs come with full pacakges of skins, shapes, hair, eyes, and clothing--most of them for under $100, and many of them for free.

Don't just take my word for it!

• See some of the amazing pictures of Grendel's on Arahan Claveau's Flickr set.
• Read Natalia Zelmanov's extensive post about Grendel's Children in her Mermaid Diaries!
• See what Lillie Guildenstern has to say about the sim and her new siren av in her Lilikin's Blog.

And then just go visit it yourself in Avaria!

Black Swan, The Lovers

Black Swan, The Lovers
Originally uploaded by Tsai Jie

Black Swan is a lovely sim that has some remarkable statuary, moving bridges, and incredible surreal art. At the center of the sim is this incredible Lovers statue which is over 100 meters tall. Another, called "Night Girl," comes to life when you touch her. The creator of this fantastic art is an avatar named Light Waves. Read more about Black Swan and other fantastic building going on in SL at the Not Possible in Real Life blog.

On Getting Married in Second Life: Part 2, The Day

So here it is, my friend's big day, and I gotta say that even if I am not fond of weddings I have been looking forward to this (despite having to wear pink). I'm looking at it as a sort of a cross between social engagement and sociology research. We have been instructed by the Wedding Planner (read "Wedding Nazi," the Barbie doll from last night's fracas) to be at the Chapel promptly one half hour early. I arrive on time with the friend who is giving the bride away, the DJ is there, too, and with in a few minutes the groom and the best man arrive. The bride is within teleport distance for quick arrival at the appropriate moment. And then the Wedding-Nazi shows. I am beginning to suspect dramatic entrances are her best (or only) trick. At least she is wearing a skirt that covers her ass today.

She gets up a group IM conference to give up our instructions and cues (so what was the purpose of that rehearsal last night then, huh?), and she begins role call. "Is the bridesmaid here?" Hello! Right in front of you! "Where's the best man?" Hello again, right in front of you! "The groom? Speak up! Tell me if you are here!" He is also in front of her. I begin to suspect a vision problem. The bride accidentally loses connection to the group conference and the Wedding-Nazi informs all of us as she "slaps the nervous bride" (Slaps! No shit!).

Meanwhile an early guest who's profile proclaims her to be a Model/Porn Star (and which says "Just IM me if you want any of those things") can't seem to find her way out of the aisle and to a seat. Or it may be that she was too distracted trying to pick up the friend who is standing in for "father of the bride" (aka the FOTB). At this point Barbie the WN tells the bride and groom they will have to shout during the ceremony because the back row (where no one but the DJ is sitting) is out of chat range (so, like the DJ couldn't move up a row?). Promptly on the hour, even though not all the guests are here and the ones who are are still milling about and not sitting down, the DJ cues the wedding march and it is GO, GO, GO!

The ceremony is mostly cool. Guests wander in and take seats. There is a slow moment when the best man can't find his pose ball, and the groom has forgotten to change his group tag, so we have a Bride & Social Worker--which I think is kinda cute in a semi-surreal way. The WN now in her role as minister SHOUTS the service and a lot of stuff about God and Faith and True Love and The Institution of Marriage, and I begin to wonder if someone should remind her we are a bunch of cartoons in a fake world here, but I decide to let my inner Daoist just take it all in stride. I do have to pause and wonder when she does the "in sickness and in health part" (I just keep seeing some SL bride saying "Yes, dear, I still love your avatar even though he is now grossly deformed by the pox"). But the Bride and Groom/Social Worker seem happy and that is what counts.

Then there are rings and the "Man & Wife Pronouncement" and Voila--they are kissing. For like forever. And whispering sweet endearments to each other. But the Wedding Nazi is insistent--it is photo time. There are pose balls for this, too. And it is "line up" and "not there, over there" and much snapping of photos (3000 Lindens for 10 professionally taken pics). The best man has booked already, so the FOTB has to get in the pictures. Next it is across a little bridge to the reception area.

"First we must cut the cake!" yells the Barbie the WN, who is for some reason is still shouting. "Smear it on each other," she instructs the happy couple. (First "Slap," now "Smear"? Truly charming . . . Not.) The wedding guest model/porn star wants to dance with the FOTB and is loudly announcing to the crowd that she's three weeks pregnant. "Can you see the bump?" she asks all and sundry. Oh goodie, a PPSM (pregnant porn star model)!

And then we have to toast. "Touch the champaign bucket!" Barbie insists. I pick up my glass of champagne and refrain from correcting either her spelling or her manners. But I am having a good time dissing this WN in IM with the FOTB who has managed to escape the clutches of the PPSM (you are following all this alphabet soup, right?). Then there is also a flinging of the garter. Well, at least there would have been one anyway, had the animations done their job like good little animations should. And finally it is time for Barbie-doll-the-Wedding-Nazi to leave. "Don't forget to show your appreciation at the tip jars," she tells everyone (I have counted 3 for her and 1 for the DJ), and it's kiss-kiss and she's gone.

The bride and groom mingle and chat with the guests. I dance and flirt heavily with the very handsome FOTB (and shortly after that we wandered off together for more "intimate" dancing). The remainder of the evening being left to one very happy couple and their happily partying friends. All in all, an interesting experience. (Do you know the ancient Chinese curse that goes "May you live in interesting times"?)

On Getting Married in Second Life: Part 1, Rehearsing

I am having a unique experience this weekend (No, I am NOT getting SL partnered--perish the thought!), I am going to be a bridesmaid in an SL "wedding." No shit. Me who doesn't even like to go to weddings in RL! This is a favor for a friend of a friend, and so far I gotta say one of the oddest things I've done in SL to date.

Last night was the wedding rehearsal. Clearly this is a big deal for the folks who do this stuff. But I have to wonder how much of marriage today is a demonstration of the love between two people and how much is due to our indoctrination (through media hype) that has pushed us as a society to believe that all relationships must end in monogamy and be blessed, not just by a church or the state, but by an over-commercialized capitalist economy that sells expensive white dresses you can only ever wear once?

But okay, never mind all that. Here I am, having agreed to walk down the aisle and support a friend on her special day, and we arrive at rehearsal time at the "Wedding Sim" a mostly lovely place with waterfalls and a park and flowers. Unfortunately the pretty little chapel area, with its white benches, rose arbor, and pink ribbons, has also got a great mucking huge tacky sign that tells you the cost of everything. 10,000 Lindens it says just for invitations!

The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for 5:30 pm. Everyone was there, the bride, the groom, the best man and me, and the friend who is giving the bride away, everyone but the person who demanded there be a rehearsal: the wedding consultant/minister/woman who makes her living on these events. So we stand around and wait for the "Minister," and all the while the tacky sign spews out periodic clouds of particle doves flying (it appears) sideways. We get to try on our wedding finery (I am wearing pink) and discuss flowers and shoes, but then we give it up for the evening.

Two hours later the minister-person IMs us all and asks us to please assemble immediately at the Chapel area. So like good little sheep we trot over. All of us but the best man who is having log-in problems. The woman in charge (let's call her "The Wedding Nazi") is a nine-foot tall Barbie doll avatar (huge boobs, tiny waist, that shiny plastic skin look, and an outfit worthy of Ballerina Barbie) who--despite the tag over her her head that describes her as "Charming"--begins barking commands at us like we are second-graders on the short bus. Now I am not all that wed-tiqutte savvy, I know, but how much intelligence does it take to step on an animation that takes you down an aisle and from there leap to a pose ball?

Ms. Wedding-Nazi makes us all jump around a bit on command, and then the best man finally arrives. Now never mind that she was 2 hours late (for which I never heard her apologize) and has made the rest of us jump through hoops, the first words out of her mouth to the best man are to insult and laugh at him. What happened is that as he is rezzing, his textures don't appear. So we have a fellow in white and black with "missing textures"--hey, no big deal, it happens. Polite people might realize we can't always see when we are missing textures and suggest a rebake. But in this case he also has his genitals on and they have materialized outside the missing textures. This is an also not-uncommon, and sometimes unavoidable, occurrence in SL. Polite people would send a private IM saying something like "don't look now but your cock is showing," but not her. She cackles out loud, and in public chat does the SL equivalent of point and laugh--charming indeed.

This afternoon is the wedding. For the sake of the Bride and Groom who really are lovely people, I am just hoping that "Ms. Manners" manages not to: A) be late, or B) insult any guests.

I remember a co-worker once telling me that "every little girl dreams of her wedding day. . ." and I wondered what was wrong with me that I really didn't give a damn about the day, but I had some really clear visions of what the any man who wants to tie me down had to be! Somehow in this whole "wedding thing," it seems to me that people get crazy and get all hung up on dresses and tuxes and cakes and invitations and forget about the lovers. If you ask me, that misses the entire point of what real love should be about. N'est pas?

To be continued . . . Tune in tomorrow for "Part 2: the Big Day"

SL and RL: Where They Touch and Where They Collide

Funny thing about having a Second Life is that it can be so much like all the good parts of Real Life (tm) without the negatives. In both there can be dancing and sightseeing, sporting events, movies, books, concerts, there are good friends and good conversation, and there is flirting and romance and even sex.

But in SL there are no dishes to do, no laundry or cleaning, no house painting (unless you count building textures), and landscaping and repairs don't involve getting messy or dirty or tired or sore. No one has to make the bed. Taking out the trash is just a click of a button. In SL with the right partner there can be very good sex--even if it is in the form of mutual masturbation.

One of the most obvious things most people notice right away about SL is that, although it removes the bumps and discomforts of RL, it also has it's own brand of limitations. In SL I can fly, in RL I am afraid of heights; in SL I can breathe underwater, in RL I can't even swim; but in RL I am an excellent dancer, have been a professional bellydancer, in SL (and for me here is one of the disappointments of SL) I am frustrated by the limitations of what a script, a dance pole, or a poseball will let me do.

SL relationships also suffer from similar deprivations. The lovely folks at Xcite! and Strokerz have given us virtual genitalia, love animations, and sex toys. Those things, together with a sexually experienced partner who has good narrative skills, can be very stimulating, but there is one significant element missing. Human touch. The feel of your lover's hands running over your flesh. The touch of your lover's mouth on yours. The soft, salty taste of skin. The sweet hot pleasure of penetration. These are things that cannot be replaced by virtual games. Or can they?

Now there are people working on the technology to provide some of that. Believe it or not, this is a serious field of technology which is called "Teledildonics." Now you can buy a kissing phone that will give you a kiss matching the kiss of your lover on the other end. You can get a shirt that allows you to feel hugs from your distant partner. And (no shit!) there are electronic vaginas and penises through which you can stimulate each other to orgasm!

doubt that anything will ever replace the desire for real human touch, and I am sure most of us don't have the funds to invest in an arsenal of electronic devices. But there is a trend for relationships begun in SL to escalate to higher and higher levels, including spilling over to RL, and maybe this sort of electronic toy is the answer to keeping your RL and SL from overlapping or worse from colliding.

Now I am not saying you shouldn't mix SL with RL, that is of course a personal choice. The difficulty is making that choice reasonably and rationally, and--being human and fallible--if we aren't careful we can make choices that affect us or our RL loved ones badly.

The press is full of articles that bash Internet relationships. There was the story of the fellow who spends nearly 20 hours a day in SL neglecting his real wife for his SL wife. Even if you are single you can make choices that turn out badly, like the chick whose ex-online lover killed himself leaving her with no closure, or the one who is moving to the city of her Internet pal but fears becoming a homewrecker. And, when online lovers do meet, there is the issue of possibly spreading sexually transmitted diseases from meeting online partners for a quick tryst in RL.

What we never seem to hear about in the news are the many couples that meet online and then succeed in establishing solid RL relationships. I can think of a half dozen among my friends and acquaintances in SL alone. In an SL interview with Reuters SL News Center, Internet entrepreneur Arianna Huffington has even noted that:

A lot of people who want to explore different possibilities, they can now do it in Second Life instead of, say, leaving their wife—fulfilling some other fantasy. Why not experiment? I think Second Life will save marriages.

And she may be right. While many people push the online envelope into their real life, there are many more who are perfectly happy having their cake in SL and eating it in RL, too--taking the stimulation they feel by sex in SL back into improving their real live relationships and experiencing with their real partners that experimentation they have been able to explore online in a safe environment first.

So once again it all boils down to choices. Have SL sex? Why not. It is safe and it can be fun. Is it cheating if you are already RL married or committed?--only you (and your partners) can decide that. (Hell, I have one RL girlfriend who considers her BF looking at porn magazines a form of cheating.)

Should you meet that online partner in RL? Now you need to slow down and think it through. There are a whole lot of "what ifs" to consider. If you are committed in RL will it hurt that relationship? Maybe a Same Time Next Year scenerio will hurt neither of you, but what if one of you wants more and the other doesn't? What will you do if you don't like the real person as much as you do the avatar? If he/she finds you unattractive in RL? Or, worse, has lied about his/her real self? These are things to consider before you let that second life collide with your real one.

The bottom line is that there are many wonderful things about Second Life worth exploring and enjoying--especially safe virtual sex--without worrying about how much better it could be in RL. Maybe we need to take each for what it is worth. Enjoy RL for RL's sake, and enjoy SL for SL's sake. I can dance in SL for or with a partner and enjoy it for what it is--virtual communication. And I can dance in RL with or without a partner and enjoy it for the exercise of my talent as well as the potential for human touch. These worlds may touch for me someday if I find the right partner to dance with in both--and I do mean "dance," in the ballroom and in the bedroom, with a partner who I trust in both RL and SL.

On the other hand, unless it is right for both of us, these worlds may forever stay separate. It really doesn't matter as long as I make the choices wisely. In the meantime I intend to enjoy each venue for all it has to offer.

Video for the weekend: "So Much Cooler Online"

Because YouTube doesn't have embedding for this video I have to just give you all the link . . . But you have to go see Brad Paisley's "So Much Cooler Online." This is for all us SL junkies who have made our avatars way cooler than RL lets us be!

When the going gets Tough, the Tough go Shopping

So after a long hectic week what else is there to do but go get your hair done. I did, and the result is a mane down to my ass like I haven't had in ages. Finally! Long prim hair that doesn't move like steel spikes! The hair is from Calico Creations in Calico Kitty. The outfit is called "Huntress" and came from DE Designs. The rug, you ask? Sexgen . . . of course!

Second Life meets Television

No doubt like most of us, you already have problems explaining to your mother, your spouse, or other "concerned" relatives exactly why you have become a stripper / hooker / gambler / nameyourvicehere in SL. But brace yourself, it is gonna get worse. At least three major prime-time TV shows (The Office, CSI:NY, and Law & Order: SVU) have now aired episodes in which SL, or an obvious SL clone is prominently featured, and all within a few weeks of each other.

We knew it had to happen, a phenomenon like SL has a built in audience, with numbers the like of which TV advertisers drool over. But the recent exposure of SL in prime-time viewing is less flattering than how we SL addicts would like to be seen.

The least worrisome is perhaps The Office, which is described by Caroline McCarthy on the CNET blog Crave:

On Thursday night's episode of The Office on NBC, dweeby Dwight Schrute (played by Rainn Wilson) revealed himself to be a Second Life addict--something that doesn't require any suspension of disbelief. The Second Life banter began when Dwight's notably less nerdy co-worker, Jim (played by John Krasinski), asked Dwight if he was "playing that game again." "Second Life is not a game," Dwight replied authoritatively. "It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores; it doesn't have winners or losers." With all the deadpan wit that's made The Office the hit that it is, Jim fixed his glance on Dwight and commented, "Oh, it has losers."

So in SL we are all nerds. Not necessarily a horrible image. A tiny bit more worrisome is the CSI:NY episode that features a killer (yep, you guessed it he has an avatar) who is tracked down by the forensic team with the help of Linden Labs and some SL residents. SL Insider notes that:

Second Life, as it is portrayed, is given a pretty reasonable treatment--the skepticism of many of the core characters is not unusual--however, this is not the Second Life you know, just as CSI is not the forensics department you'll find if you go downtown.

Oh, but wait... you missed that episode. Never fear. Aside from being able to watch it on the web through the CSI:NY site, you can now get in the game in SL too. Just go to CBS's Virtual NY and join up to help solve virtual crimes. Yes, the TV marketers have noticed that you are spending more time on the computer than as mindless zombies in front of the boob-tube and they've decided that if they can't lick SL they can join it. All very exciting (like you don't have enough to do in-world already). And you can buy CSI paraphenalia and brands in-world. So we are nerds and they want our money. No surprize there.

The one that was the most problematic was the Law & Order: SVU episode called "Avatar," that aired a couple weeks ago though. In this one it's not called SL, it is "AU," Alternate Universe. And the interface looks like a cross between SL and Facebook. (Watch out all you Internet social networks, you're on the list!)

The difficulty with this episode is not the storyline itself: a young woman is kidnapped from her home by a lunatic who stalked her in the virtual world first and chose her there to be his RL victim. Nor is it the obvious distaste the police have for the idea of virtual worlds, though they gain a grudging respect for the Lab that runs the AU world and which is instrumental in the crime solving. The difficulty is the way this virtual world is portrayed and that all the residents there are seemingly sex-starved pedophiles. I have ranted about this episode before, so I won't go into it further here, except to say that it still makes me angry. More so now having looked again at the website for the show and seen a recent viewer post:

Lexi says: "Every Parent of a teen or pre-teen should have their child watch the 10/2 Avatar episode. It shows what can happen and even has a short "how" it happens. Normally I find the content a bit too mature for my little one, but this epison is six stars in my book for it's educational value."

Lexi clearly missed the point that there are no children in this episode. At all. Ever. That the crime was against a 20-something young woman. Instead what she took away was a need to warn her child about SL-like environments. Oh boy, yeah, that'll keep her baby safe on the street. (I hope Lexi spends more time reading to her kids than she spends watching adult shows with them; besides, given her spelling and punctuation, she could use more reading time herself.) I am not really surprized that Lexi missed the point. It was a convoluted plot. But the take-home message of that show was that SL-like virtual worlds are is a breeding grounds for sex-offenders.

My point here is not to "diss" concerned loved ones, but rather to point out to those of us who do engage in SL activities that we may have the same fight on our hands that the music industry and the gaming industry has dealing with people who want to blame heavy metal music for suicides and video games for school shootings. These recent television offerings with SL or SL-clones will only reinforce the opinions of those who see virtual world residents as nerds or worse as perverts.

So what do you do? Well wouldn't it be nice to see more of the stories about the kindnesses we find in SL? How about sharing some of those with the people who are concerned for your SL/RL welfare? Like the one about the SL widow whose partner died in RL and all her SL friends raised funds to get her a plane ticket to the funeral? Or romantic stories of the real people who meet fall in love and get married in SL as well as RL? And let's not forget the in-world art, concerts, even fund-raising events for RL charities.

Yes, there are people with problems, even violent people with psychoses, in SL--just like there are in the real world. Yes, there are sexual relationships in SL, from flirtations to marriages, and even divorces--just like in the real world. And there are also friendships, love, pain, joy, broken-hearts, great romances, and great creativity--just like in the real world, too. Yes, you can find all that in SL. You also find the bad with the good in the real world . . . But I don't see anyone advocating giving up on real life just because real humanity has its problems and downsides, too.