A Song for a Tuesday: "Glory of Love"

'Cause every girl needs a knight in shining armor who will look out for her...

Men in Tight Pants

So I never ever thought I would admit this (and it is all the fault of three of the men in my life) but I think I am beginning to (gasp!) really like watching professional football! Now I know you are shaking your head and saying to yourself: "Girl, where is your head at?" But seriously. . . I watched (and even enjoyed) the playoff games yesterday. No shit. Of course being a good Midwestern girl I was rooting for my home state team, the Green Bay Packers, and what I discovered is that as a sport, football has several things going for the serious observer.

First of all, there is bling involved! Really! Apparently when these guys win and go to the Superbowl they get sparklies! There's a special ring made just for the occasion! But even more important than bling is the fact that football teams are made up of men. Twenty-two of them at a time, if you count both sides. And I mean BIG men. There is just nothing that can make a girl feel all warm and snuggly as a big strong man with whom to cuddle. But it gets better. All those men are wearing some of the skin-tightest pants you have ever seen! And, girls, those are some fine male tight-ends out there!

Here for instance is my personal "fave," Brett Favre.

Now is that hot or what? Unfortunately my boys lost the game yesterday. (Oh, Brett, you broke my heart!)

So now I have to chose between rooting for the Giants or the Patriots at Superbowl time. And it all boils down to this: Eli Manning?

or Tom Brady?

Help me out here, Ladies. Which of these backsides would you pick to cheer for? (Or play with?)

The SL-Babe Strikes Again!

Remember a week or so ago when I told you that SL Babes picked up one of my photos from Flickr? Well, yours truly has again made the pages of the best Babes website ever! This time in a bikini. . . .
So if you love me (and I hope you do) you'll head on over to SL-Babes and vote for my photo!

And while you are cruisin' their site you can also vote for other hot babes you like too! Some of my favorites are: a dreamy Cleopatra with whom I am sharing the front page today, my friend Callie looking sexy at a haunted house, a beautifully lit blonde on a chair, a tattoed Samurai girl, a dark-haired babe with a great ass and a jeweled outfit to die for, and a great boudoir scene!

You can also vote for my other photos there if you feel the urge. . . .


Chilling in the Kamasutra Temple,

Dancing at Blue Noise,

or at home playing games.
And to all of you who've voted for me already. . . (blows you a kiss) Smooch!

Grand Re-Opening: Lotus Moon

I am happy to say Lotus Moon, one of my favorite clubs in Second Life, has undergone a makeover and is celebrating its Grand Re-opening

beginning today at 1 pm (SL time). Lotus Moon, where my SL dancing career began, has had a whole new redesign by owner Partial Eclipse, all neon and hot! Club manager MaggyMae will be there spinning the tunes.

There will be lovely dancers like Xanna (left)

and yours truly (right) to titilate you. So c'mon down and party with us!

Gorgeous Blonde Tsai with G-String Playing Chess to Win

You may have noticed that I have a Picasa web album (that little scrolling slide show to your right?) Well, I also regularly post some of my photos to groups I belong to in Flickr. Today this photo got picked up by the website SL-Babes!

And I got this sweet message from Angelus: "This wonderful Picture was added to SL Babes - The finest Babes and virtual Women from Second Life. Please post your best SL Babes Snapshots to www.flickr.com/groups/sl-babes/." (Tsai blows a kiss to Angelus!)

So now if you all head on over to SL-Babes at http://www.sl-babes.com/2008-01-03/gorgeous-blond-tsai-with-g-string-playing-chess-to-win/ you can vote for my pic! Vote for the other hot babes you like there, too. There are some pretty gorgeous chicks and some fantastic photographers in SL!

For those of you who are interested in such things:

The dress is "Maia Rose" from Deadly Nightshade by Jennyfur Peregrine
The necklace is “Soulmate Locket Choker” From Isle of Mists by Ashira Legien
The thigh high boots are from DE Designs
The thong is “Black Lace” by Domino Fashions
The game table and chairs are from Bird of Prey by Draven Sautereau

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Last night I got IMed by a fellow I have seen a couple times over the last few weeks. He's the kind of guy who likes to push buttons by saying outrageous things and seeing how a girl will react. So invariably he asks for sex. He also always makes sure to tell me that he never, ever pays for sex, that he doesn't even tip dancers, and that he is poor and doesn't "believe" in Lindens (SL money), whatever that means. Most of the girls at the club have given up on him as a cheapskate, but he's kind of cute, charming and witty even if outrageous, and he's fun to flirt with. So when he asked me to teleport him to my place for a blow job, I tp'ed him to Blue Noise instead. We danced and flirted. Somewhere during the course of the conversation he mentioned he is married in real life. This is not something that bothers me--married or not, it is between him and his wife what he does outside of their relationship. But then he wanted to know if I was married, single, or divorced. Why did that matter, I wondered?

Now, I've given him my perspective on marriage before: It's a great institution, but who wants to be in an institution! Personally I think marriage is good for the protection of children--a safe place to grow up with 2 parents. But if you don't have kids, what is the point of tying yourself down? Most of the time in marriage it is the woman whose freedom is limited by the expectations of society ("Good girls don't") while the man can come and go and play where he pleases ("Boys will be boys").

Think about this: can you come up with one positive word that describes a sexually active woman? No! They are all negative terms. Sexually active women are called sluts, whores, skanks, and tramps. Or we are described by our genitals: cunts, beaver, poon, pussies. The only "good" adjectives to describe women and sex together imply being asexual or having our sexuality controlled by men: maiden, virgin, wife. Even terms like mistress, concubine, paramour, have a negative flavor, indicating women engaged in sex with one man outside the bounds of matrimony. And, Ladies, if you dare to expect to be paid for sex you are a prostitute, no matter how you dress it up (escort, call girl, courtesan). Now try to think of a negative term for a sexually active man--there are none. Men are studs, stallions, or players. Their sexuallity is applauded!

So maybe I shouldn't have been surprised when my friend last night said he'd be uncomfortable with his RL wife having virtual sex in SL, and yet felt fine about chasing SL "tail" himself. Later he qualified that by saying that only casual SL sex was okay, it isn't cheating since it is all a fantasy. I pointed out that there are real people here, the only thing that is a fantasy is the setting. But he was adamant. Casual fuck? Okay. Get emotionally involved in SL? That would be "an affair," thus not acceptible. He seemed pretty pleased that I wasn't looking for a relationship or marriage--that put me in the "non-affair just a fuck" category, I guess.

That was the point at which I dropped to my knees and started to give him a virtual blow job--but he stopped me. His comment was: "Oh, you are one of those!" Now what? Was he having second thoughts about "cheating"? He wanted sex? He didn't want sex? Seems he wanted to be in charge. Its okay to try to seduce a woman and talk her into sex, but if she initiates it. . . . Here's the problem. Our society doesn't expect women to be sexually active or (heaven forfend!) sexually aggressive. Despite the sexual revolution of the 1960s-70s and the ground-breaking work of researchers like Kinsey, there is still an inherently parochial, even puritan attitude about female sexuality in America. And apparently in this fellow, too. Even in SL.

Worst SL Pick-up Lines

There is a closed thread on SL Forums called "Best/Worst Pick-up Lines in SL." Now I know I have discussed this issue before, but some of this is just so damn funny it cries out to be shared. If you go to the thread there is a lot of fun banter among the posters discussing social etiquette in SL as well as sharing the worst they have heard. I found the 23 page (no shit) long thread a fun read for a snowed in Saturday afternoon.

Several people mentioned they had experienced the kind of lines we have all heard, the traditional noob approach, including: "You're beautiful. Wanna fuck?" or (delivered with enthusiastic hope) "We will have sex now! Yes?"

Then there are the broken English (or just limited lexical/grammatical skill) variants: "mak fuk?" and "u r hot. i wan fuk u." and (my favorites) "make sexies now plz?" or "Oh hai! I can has sex wid u now?"

Regarding language, I am in total agreement here with Trout, who said: "The weird thing is that the intimacy and the primary point of sex in SL is what is being said through IMs, chat or even voice. I refuse to believe it's avatars humping on poseballs. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's only part of the fantasy that is being mutually created by the people involved--without the words, it's like watching a movie with the sound off. If the people involved don't speak the same language, how on earth are they going to enjoy the experience? If I were out fooling around with random people, I wouldn't even think to approach someone who doesn't speak English. I can scratch out a little German and some Spanish, but after I count to ten, order a beer and ask where the train station and the bathroom is, I'm pretty much done with them. 'Heh--Eins, zwei, drei, Ich bin Trout. Dos Cervesas. Donde esta la Bana? Mak fuk?' I can't see that as being much fun. . . . it's stupid to try to hit on someone in SL in a language which you do not speak fluently. . . . If you get the language right, it's going to take forever to get through it, and unless you're having weird tantric all-day-long sex with Sting, who has that kind of time?"

As for just plain bad pick-up lines, the fun folks on the SL Forum thread contributed these:

These three get a couple of points for attempted wit: "Hi Red...I'm Blue...I know a couple of poseballs with our names on them" (contributed by Merielle). "Is that a sculptie in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" (contributed by Ylikone). "You are over a year old, that's hot" (contributed by Foehn).

Guaranteed to be taken as a compliment (not): "I love your boobs. I don't like them big" (contributed by Alesia). Followed by its converse: "Hey babe...did you slide those yourself?" (contributed by Giz).

Let's not forget Vampire pick up lines: "Hey baby where have you been all my undeath?" (contributed by Collette).

And one more for the ESL grouping: "Are you agree to give pleausure to me, showing your breasts..? ;-)" (contributed by Taylor). In another post Damianos pointed out that: "When looking for a date, Babelfish is a terrible wingman...."

My own personal all-time favorite bad pick-up line was from a fellow wearing only strategically placed straps who came up to me and said: "You look like you need a master. Are you looking for a master?" To which I responded: "If I was I am certain it wouldn't be someone with your charming approach and subtle sense of romance." He just said, "Okay." Then thanked me for the compliment (compliment? sheesh!) and left. Sarcasm is wasted on some people.

There are, however, men out there in SL who have that certain je ne sais quoi. The ones who know what to say, know when to say it, and have something (taste? tact? poise? manners?) that is also probably working for them in RL as well. So, just to leave you on a lighter note, here are some pick-up lines that worked:

Oryx tells of a fellow who walked up to her in a club and asked, "Anyway a newbie in a bad tuxedo could get a girl like you to dance with him?" She says she couldn't resist that and had a nice evening of dancing with the fellow.

Max's story is from the noob's perspective: "My first day in SL, I stopped at a waterfront home and walked in (hey, I didn't know it wasn't right to do that), anyway, there was a woman there changing clothes with no top on. I said 'Did you know you have no top on?' Well of course nothing happened then, I wasn't out for the sex thing, I didn't even know there was sex in SL at the time, that's how new I was. . . one thing led to another and, after many ups and downs, we are not only married in SL, but engaged in RL. Gave her a one carat diamond ring just last weekend."

My own two best pick-up lines come from men who turned out not be not only erudite and witty, but sexy, romantic lovers as well. One was on a crowded boardwalk where a Spanish speaking noob was looking for help. When I sadly told him I didn't speak any Spanish, only French, a good-looking fellow stepped up and began speaking to the noob in Spanish. Thinking the situation was well in hand, I made to move on when the handsome one said: "Don't leave, you are the most beautiful thing I've seen in SL." What girl could resist a line like that? We are still close friends.

The other best line came from a man who asked me about my name, but since I've told that story before I won't go into it again--suffice to say, girls, that when you find the man who uses the right line, who is creative and intelligent and has a romantic soul, who can make you feel special as well as drive you crazy . . . hang on to him for all you are worth!

cross-posted to Viscious Studios by Vicious Tsai Jie

The Courtesan's Sex Tip of the month: How to get what you really want for Christmas

I found this very useful tidbit on the Ambiance website:

Most people, even those with very passionate love lives, all have a sexual fantasy that has gone unfulfilled. For example, there may be a toy you've always wanted to try, or a position that's intrigued you, or a fantasy role play that you've never acted on. Have you considered the holiday season as the perfect time to introduce the idea to your partner.

Just as most of us give ample hints as to other Christmas gifts we desire, these are no different. A creative way to drop the hint is to leave a book on the subject (with a bookmark in a telling spot) next to your bed or somewhere else where your partner is sure to notice. Or, if you have a close friend who you can talk openly to, have a conversation with him or her on the phone when your partner can hear you. (And butter them up in the conversation, too: "She would look so hot. . . ." or "He would simply make me melt if he. . .") These can both be conversation starters that makes your partner aware of desire.

Or, you could also throw subtlety out the window and simply email a link to a product on a website . . . may we suggest Ambiance.com?

Now those are some good ideas and I do applaud the idea of getting the "presents" you want at the holidays (or, in fact, year 'round), but here's another thought. . . . Get in the habit of talking openly and honestly with your partner (SL and/or RL) about your wants, needs. Most women don't speak up enough about their sexual desires and most men don't push it. So we tiptoe around each other in a state of sexual frustration. Silly, isn't it?

If you are too shy to be up front, well then the hints work, too. Here's a big way to drop a hint. Take him to an adult video store and point out the videos that demonstrate what you want. (Take one or two home and watch them together, you'll get the action you want!) Or take him to the adult toy store and point out the "toy" that looks like fun. (You can even buy him the toy you want and suggest he use it on you.) Or, rather than just strategically placing the bookmark, read the whole erotic passage that turns you on out loud to him. I bet he'll be heading your way and undressing before you can say: "doesn't that sound like fun?"

Two things to always be aware of: (1) if you want sex from your partner be affectionate! Snuggle up. Pinch his ass. Touch him in intimate places. Whisper that secret fantasy in his ear. I lay you odds he'll respond. And (2) pay attention to how he touches you. Most of us touch our partners in ways we want to be touched ourselves. If you pay attention you can decipher the clues he's sending out and respond accordingly. Then when he's all turned on by your responsiveness, tell him what you like. Few of us can read our partner's minds; there is nothing wrong with up front honesty about sexuality (no matter what your mother told you about "good girls").

Good sex is reciprocal, you will get as much as you give. Here's wishing all of you a fantastic season of "giving"!

Oh and, Santa, if you are reading this. . . Ambiance is my favorite toy store, too.

T'is the Season to Shop 'Till you Drop

It is true, we are a consumer culture. Face it, we spend millions on bling here in the USA around this time of the year and billions more on marketing that bling. According to an article on CNN.com/technology, "In the first two weeks of November alone, the company that created Second Life says there were almost 3 million digital objects sold on its site, though it's not possible to tell which of those were given as gifts." Second Life itself is nothing if not the ultimate expression of our very consumer culture. After all there is nowhere you can go in SL that you don't run into a mall or atleast some advertising. But is there anything wrong with giving your virtual boyfriend or girlfriend, your whole virtual family of friends a little something at this time of year?

Cynics say virtual gifts have no meaning. No substance. You can't really wear or use or touch them. the same CNN article also tells us: "Others call virtual gifts a waste of money -- a way of "pouring millions down the virtual drain," says Michael Bugeja, the director of Iowa State University's journalism school. He's been a vocal critic of the resources universities and students are dedicating to virtual worlds. This holiday season, he's challenging people to give money they planned to spend on virtual gifts to charity instead."

The response to that perspective is: "'It's easy to get caught up in thinking that it's not real because it's digital. But we have plenty of digital items that have value,' says Jeska Dzwigalski, who works in community and product development for Linden Lab, the creators of Second Life. 'Have you ever bought a song on iTunes? Have you ever paid for software?'"

The whole argument--is it okay? is it a waste of time? a waste of money?--seems rather spurious to me. We are trained from childhood to think of giving gifts to others at certain times of the year. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. If you don't send gifts on those occasions, you get labeled as a scrooge or a curmudgeon. But think about this: how often have you gotten a gift that is totally useless and sits in a drawer or a closet until you finally ship it off to Goodwill or sell it on eBay or just throw it in the trash? (My RL mother is addicted to Home Shopping Network and infomercials--I have 3 Eurosealers I will never use in a kitchen closet right now.) Isn't it far better to get an inexpensive virtual item for your virtual life that you will actually use instead of a useless item for your real life for which you are supposed to be appropriately grateful?

Here's my take on it. Say I get a fancy dress or toy or household item in SL from a friend or an admirer. Say it costs L700 (we are talking Lindens here, virtual money, so the equivalent in US dollars is $2.94). For less than the price of a large cappuchino my friend has given me hours of pleasure. Unlike a cup of coffee, I can use this virtual item again and again, and each time I wear it I will think of the friend who gave it to me. I'd say that is really what the giving of gifts is all about--the thought put into picking something of value to the person you wish to gift, the connection made, and the fond memories that are evoked every time that gift is used.

But there is an even larger upside to the virtual gift. No waste! The box or package you wrap it in does not end up in a landfill. You have not spent or wasted huge amounts of real cash. And the best part is you aren't broke or paying off huge credit card debt come January. And here's another thought: some of the money you save by buying small inexpensive gifts inworld rather than pricey useless RL ones can be spent on good causes. Bugeja has part of it right, we all should think of giving to charities. And, although we should be doing it more often than just at the holidays, this is the right time to get that last minute tax break, too.

So here is my plan for this holiday season: shop inworld for your friends and family who play in virtual games. Encourage them to shop inworld in SL for you, too. Give smaller gifts to those who are not inworld, but make it gift cards or cash so they can get something they really want. Then take a chunk of the money you've saved and give it to charity. My list for holiday giving includes: Public Broadcasting, the Sierra Club, UNICEF, the Girl Scouts, the World Wildlife Fund, and National Public Radio. Maybe I'll also finally clean out those closets and get all that stuff I don't need to Goodwill, too.

A song for a Hump Day: "Let's Talk About Sex" Salt N Pepa

You know, these ladies make some very good points . . . let's be honest, we are all sexual beings. So go ahead, talk it up, find out about it, do it! Like the girls here are saying: "Everybody should be making Love!"

Black Swan, The Lovers

Black Swan, The Lovers
Originally uploaded by Tsai Jie

Black Swan is a lovely sim that has some remarkable statuary, moving bridges, and incredible surreal art. At the center of the sim is this incredible Lovers statue which is over 100 meters tall. Another, called "Night Girl," comes to life when you touch her. The creator of this fantastic art is an avatar named Light Waves. Read more about Black Swan and other fantastic building going on in SL at the Not Possible in Real Life blog.

On Getting Married in Second Life: Part 1, Rehearsing

I am having a unique experience this weekend (No, I am NOT getting SL partnered--perish the thought!), I am going to be a bridesmaid in an SL "wedding." No shit. Me who doesn't even like to go to weddings in RL! This is a favor for a friend of a friend, and so far I gotta say one of the oddest things I've done in SL to date.

Last night was the wedding rehearsal. Clearly this is a big deal for the folks who do this stuff. But I have to wonder how much of marriage today is a demonstration of the love between two people and how much is due to our indoctrination (through media hype) that has pushed us as a society to believe that all relationships must end in monogamy and be blessed, not just by a church or the state, but by an over-commercialized capitalist economy that sells expensive white dresses you can only ever wear once?

But okay, never mind all that. Here I am, having agreed to walk down the aisle and support a friend on her special day, and we arrive at rehearsal time at the "Wedding Sim" a mostly lovely place with waterfalls and a park and flowers. Unfortunately the pretty little chapel area, with its white benches, rose arbor, and pink ribbons, has also got a great mucking huge tacky sign that tells you the cost of everything. 10,000 Lindens it says just for invitations!

The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for 5:30 pm. Everyone was there, the bride, the groom, the best man and me, and the friend who is giving the bride away, everyone but the person who demanded there be a rehearsal: the wedding consultant/minister/woman who makes her living on these events. So we stand around and wait for the "Minister," and all the while the tacky sign spews out periodic clouds of particle doves flying (it appears) sideways. We get to try on our wedding finery (I am wearing pink) and discuss flowers and shoes, but then we give it up for the evening.

Two hours later the minister-person IMs us all and asks us to please assemble immediately at the Chapel area. So like good little sheep we trot over. All of us but the best man who is having log-in problems. The woman in charge (let's call her "The Wedding Nazi") is a nine-foot tall Barbie doll avatar (huge boobs, tiny waist, that shiny plastic skin look, and an outfit worthy of Ballerina Barbie) who--despite the tag over her her head that describes her as "Charming"--begins barking commands at us like we are second-graders on the short bus. Now I am not all that wed-tiqutte savvy, I know, but how much intelligence does it take to step on an animation that takes you down an aisle and from there leap to a pose ball?

Ms. Wedding-Nazi makes us all jump around a bit on command, and then the best man finally arrives. Now never mind that she was 2 hours late (for which I never heard her apologize) and has made the rest of us jump through hoops, the first words out of her mouth to the best man are to insult and laugh at him. What happened is that as he is rezzing, his textures don't appear. So we have a fellow in white and black with "missing textures"--hey, no big deal, it happens. Polite people might realize we can't always see when we are missing textures and suggest a rebake. But in this case he also has his genitals on and they have materialized outside the missing textures. This is an also not-uncommon, and sometimes unavoidable, occurrence in SL. Polite people would send a private IM saying something like "don't look now but your cock is showing," but not her. She cackles out loud, and in public chat does the SL equivalent of point and laugh--charming indeed.

This afternoon is the wedding. For the sake of the Bride and Groom who really are lovely people, I am just hoping that "Ms. Manners" manages not to: A) be late, or B) insult any guests.

I remember a co-worker once telling me that "every little girl dreams of her wedding day. . ." and I wondered what was wrong with me that I really didn't give a damn about the day, but I had some really clear visions of what the any man who wants to tie me down had to be! Somehow in this whole "wedding thing," it seems to me that people get crazy and get all hung up on dresses and tuxes and cakes and invitations and forget about the lovers. If you ask me, that misses the entire point of what real love should be about. N'est pas?

To be continued . . . Tune in tomorrow for "Part 2: the Big Day"

She Comes First: Oral Sex Tips for Men

The article below, "She Comes First," was posted on AskMen.Com as part of their guest authors weekly features. I stumbled across it this morning and decided it was worth sharing with all you Second Life Lovers who may be wondering how to describe your oral sex technique to your girl, or how to tell your guy what you want. I can say from experience that any man who can do this, in real or virtual sex, is worth hanging on to. Just reading this made me hot, made me think about the men I love, and got my juices flowing. <wink> So read on, gentlemen, and be sure to use these tips next time you go down on your lady whether in SL or in RL.

*******************************************************

In this excerpt from She Comes First, author Ian Kerner stresses the importance of the first few touches when it comes to pleasing your lady, and how a good "first impression" will dictate how the rest of the oral sex session goes.

The approach
Never underestimate the power of first impressions, especially the impression of your lips against her vulva. This first kiss atop a woman's vulva is often the most exquisite of all possible kisses and can literally take her breath away.Approach the first kiss as an event, as though tasting the first sip of an expensive bottle of wine that you've been saving for that special occasion. Don't just pop off the cork and start swigging: Let it breathe, sniff and savor the bouquet, admire the body, note the complexion and tone, and then, finally, take that much-anticipated first sip. Allow yourself to appreciate the full experience.

Run your fingers gently through her pubic hair.

Be sure to tease her amply. Kiss her softly on the inner thigh, as well as the smooth skin adjoining her vulva. Kiss her with little, succulent smacks (lips pursed, no tongue) on her inner and outer lips, or even on the top of the head. Make sure that your first kiss is less about direct contact with the clitoris and more about appreciating the entire genital area.
Breathe hotly on her vulva.

Blow, ever so gently, on her clitoral head.

If she's still wearing her panties, kiss her through them. Then delicately peel them to the side to reveal the glistening wet vulva.
Caution: Never, under any circumstances, blow into a woman's vagina as though trying to fill it with air. Doing so is seriously dangerous. Blowing into a woman's vagina may cause an embolism and lead to death. Breathe on her; blow lightly on her; never blow into her.

The moment before
Before you move in for the first kiss, take a moment to acknowledge the presence of the vulva: your partner in pleasure. Prepare yourself mentally for the experience ahead. Remind yourself that you are there to lead her steadfastly through the process of sexual response to orgasm.

And now it's time for the kiss...

This is a great time to remind her of the Three Assurances:

• Going down on her turns you on; you enjoy it as much as she does.
• There's no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.
• Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: It all emanates from the same beautiful essence.

Like a guest arriving at a much-anticipated dinner party, let your hostess know how excited you are to be there, how beautiful she looks, and how much you're looking forward to the meal ahead. Put her at ease.Tease her, taunt her, tantalize--make her think she's not ever going to get it, ever, and then, just when she's on the brink of utter madness, give it to her.

The kiss
Make your first lick a slow and tender "ice cream" lick from bottom to top. Make it long and lasting. Take it all in.

Start at the base of her vaginal entrance, the fourchette, and work your way up.

Take in the full length of her labia minora (inner lips) and let your tongue rest briefly against her frenulum, the area just under the clitoral head.

As you go over the head, brush it lightly as a feather, and then proceed to her front commissure (the area just above the head).

Push down on her front commissure with the tip of your tongue and feel the sinewy clitoral shaft beneath it.

As you kiss her slowly from top to bottom, press your finger lightly against her perineum (the expanse of skin just below her vaginal entrance).

When you lick the full span of her vaginal entrance, place your hand atop her mons pubis and nudge it gently toward her abdomen. This will stretch the skin and tighten her vaginal entrance, enabling you to lushly encompass her sensitive inner labia as you lick.

As an alternative to the standard position, grab hold of her upper thighs prior to the first kiss and pivot her legs up into the air so that only her butt is touching the bed and her vulva is completely exposed.

No matter what your approach, take it long and slow, from bottom to top, and savor every step of the journey. Now that you've lavished her with the first kiss (that long full lick), let your tongue rest flat against the length of her vaginal entrance. Encompass her vulva with your tongue. Take a moment to let the experience of the first kiss resonate.

Make sure it's love at first lick.

Song du Jour: "Patience" by Guns & Roses

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now

Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Patience...

I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider

Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it....

full lyrics here

How Not to Charm a Girl in SL by Lashxevious

Poking about the Blogosphere this morning I encountered Lashxevious, another SL blogger with a great sense of humor. Here's her take on how not to go about picking up chicks in SL:

How not to Charm a girl in SL by lashxevious
. . . Anyway, here are some things about SL guys that annoy me.

1. Moving too fast. SL is good for flirting. And flirting is fun! So why the hell ruin it by going into "Exclusive boyfriend" mode? That whole dancing the girl around and giving her the "I think I'm falling for you" spiel ... yeah, we know that line. And we know that's bullshit, especially if the most you've known the girl is 2 weeks and the most extensive conversation you've had was how much work your boss gave you. Usually if she does give it to you, she's just as ready to use you and spit you out, so well ... at least those fickle feelings are mutual.

2. Cheesy, Lame Casanovary. So you tp'd her to "Lover's Ultimate Uber Snuggly Heavenly Paradise Nirvana Utopia" where cuddle balls float atop primmy clouds and caves behind waterfalls harbour sexgen beds with 524,986 different poses where you can work your kamasutra mastery. Dude. It's. Not. Fun. Any girl worth her weight in online gaming will not think a laggy stroll through White Outline Tree park is fun. Fun is where there is opportunity for hilarity and goofiness. Let her whip out the katanas and spend an hour or so plummeling each other and throwing out cheesy kungfu dialog. She gets to be aggressive, you can be a man. It's flirty, it's friendly, and is about the closest you'll get to foreplay at the moment.

3. Having the audacity to think you can dress her better. Unless you were raised from birth by a pack of knowledgeable, posh fashion experts, there's no friggin chance in a mealyworm's rectum that you would know how to dress a woman. 9 times outta 10, that store you're taking her to is a direct replica of the Skanky Stripper 101 catalog. Now I wanna be sexy like anybody else, but there's sexy and there's skanky. Skanky is not hygienic. And giving her money to buy these things doesn't earn you points either becuz SHE HATES IT.

4. IM Whoring. Another peeve of mine. You invite the girl over and as soon as she is standing in front of you, you slump into a catatonic state. Head darting to and fro, revealing all too well the signs of IM ADD. Dude, if you invite her over, anyone over, pay attention to that person, since they obviously agreed to be pulled away from whatever it was they were doing to look at your sorry mug. If you can't be gracious enough to follow through with the invite, continue on with your precious IM's ... ALONE, ya spacey bastard.

5. Getting too sappy. I hate these lines: "I never felt this way before"-"I'm amazed by you"-"I love you now and forever" and UGH I can't continue on cuz the bile is rising up my throat. First of all, if ya wanna say such nonsense go to a karaoke bar during Lionel Ritchie night. And second, it's scientifically known that too much sap on an ass can actually lead to a nasty burn. And any guy that gets really sappy during cyber sex is just weird. Get out and bang some real flesh already. Sex is not about doves singing and feelings soaring to the heavens. WTF.

6. You nasty POS. It goes both ways. Being too perverted, too technical. Anytime colon, perineum, bubble, and whisk is combined into a sentence GTFO. Okay, okay, let's say the girl you're with is just awesomely arousing to you, that aint no excuse. Stop trying to hump her every time she merely smirks your way. Hi, babe *humps your face* How's your day, hun? *humps your face* Umm, wanna just do my leg? I'm trying to build here. *cums*

7. Dragging in the muthaeffin entourage. I don't get how one person can have 16 different best friends all of the opposite gender and insist he's not screwing around with any of them. If he's straight anyway. Nothing ruins a moment faster than teleporting in 2 of your "gal pals" while snuggling the girl you're supposedly wooing. No, she will not trust you. No, she's not impressed you know someone who makes hair. Let's flip the tables on your ass and see how it feels when two random guys pop in to watch.

8. Prissy Lil Know-It-All. I know I'm not perfect. I don't have an answer for everything. I'll say I dunno, or just don't care. I'm a typo-du-jour. And I appreciate a good critique or sensible tip to guide me to bettering what I'm doing. But I do not like being corrected all the freaking time. To even go as far as correcting a wisecrack is not cool either. Just shows you have no sense of sarcasm and got a major stick up your butt. Smart guys are awesome if they're not acting like pricks due to their intelligence. Showing off those brains might mean you're compensating for something anyway, like CHARM.

9. Muscley-Caveman-Fabio drool. Ah, aren't I just the pickiest? I can't talk to these types. "U want dance" Umm was that a question or a statement? "Me laik U" In what sense? Species? Evolution? Prolly not the former. "U want sex?????//" Oh dear god ... just zap out my genitals now lest I accidentally procreate with this thing. Talk dammit. Talk right. I like guys who know how to spell or at least try. So what he spelled "triangulate" wrong, he at least has the brain cells to use it in a sentence. I know some guys who can pull off the abbreviated way of chatting well. It's cuz they make up for it in wit and overall expression of thought. So do the short hand type, but just make some frigging sense. SL is all about communicating, typing won't be phased out by Voice anytime soon.

10. Desecrating Dante. You know who you are. Or the people around you know what you have done. What is with these guys that have extremely bulky shoulders and teeny heads that remind me of the buckets at the dime casino. Bucketheads. What possesses you to make yourself grotesquely unproportionate? Muscles maxxed to 100. Arm length 30. Foot size 100++. And if that's not enough, you use DANTE to cover your obtuse features. Look at the damn poster when you buy that skin. You can't possibly think there's a similarity. Dante alone won't help you. And poor Dante, so beautiful, and so abused.

Here's a tip: the tip of your fingers should be touching midway down your thigh. Your hand should be a lil over half the length of your forearm. You buckethead should be more than 50 size. Your feet-coinpurse-muscles should never be 100.

Or just wear an intricate robot avie or something. Deformed human forms distract me from focusing on the personality since in my head I'm tweaking things. Give me nightmares why don't ya.

And there ya go, I guess there is more, but they're more about nuances I find in RL. I just wrote this at work to kill time. I needed something to amuse myself. >.<

You rock, Lash! Hey, boys? Hope you are paying attention!

Courtesan's Sex Tip of the Month: Sharing a Fantasy

Thinking about sex is almost as much fun as doing it. So brush the cobwebs out of the brain by building fantasies in your mind and then stir up your partner's libido by sharing them. This tip comes from the pages of Cosmo:

"Whisper a naughty story in his ear. Think about sexy taboo situations that you'd never act out. . . and be prepared to give the details. Just helping him to imagine stepping outside his comfort zone can get his adrenaline racing, Maybe the story involves letting him watch you pleasure yourself. You can even push the erotic envelope further by introducing some light bondage and tying his hands to the bed. Don't worry about whether he can escape--the idea of being held captive is thrilling enough."

This kind of fantasy sharing is tailor made for SL. Most guys love to be told your deepest fantasies, so go ahead and share. The more risque the better. And, fellas, this is a two way street. Tell your girl your fantasy and I bet you get her adrenaline going too! Sexy man telling me his deepest desires? I know that works for me!

Locker Room Lingo, Pick-up Lines, Flirtation, and SL

I was cruising through the archive of The Word Nerds, a podcast about words, language, and why we say the things we do, and came across Locker-room Lingo, Pickup Lines, and Flirtation (episode 52) in which Dave and Howard discussed the language of flirtation and sex. It is fascinating to think about the language, the euphemisms, we chose for discussing sex. The ones I find particularly peculiar use animal metaphors for masturbation: spanking the monkey, walking the dog, and for sex: bash the beaver, feed the kitty, riding the pink pony. Sadly, these odd and interesting, but highly unromantic!, locker room phrases just go on forever. The Word Nerds suggest that we do not grow out of the high school locker room lingo just by getting older. I hate to say it but my experience in SL has lead me to believe this is true. In a virtual world like SL where lovemaking is word-driven, the choices we make in language become critical to how we both view and are viewed by others. So how should we use language to approach sex?

Pick up lines, the Word Nerd boys tell us, need to be quick, catchy and imply that the object of the pick-up is attractive and interesting. those kind of lines are (again, sadly) few and far between. There are over 14 million hits on Google for pickup lines, and one site, by Matthew Montoya, even categorizes pick-up lines, the dumber/cruder of which fall under: Worthy of Beavis and Butthead (Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.), Straight to the Point (Hey, Baby, Wanna get lucky?), Cheese (What's your sign?), and What? (I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?). My personal favorite category is the Left Field Approach which includes the [sarcasm mode on] sparkling wit of lines like: "I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?" and "Is it cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's?" Just for future reference for all you guys who think any of these sound good, that crunch you just heard and the pain you are feeling is her knee connecting to your groin.

So how do you get to talk to the pretty girl? You are gonna have to go for creative without crude. I know may involve brains, but pull yours out and dust it off and give it a shot. Howard mentioned a success he had with a girl who had the name Phoebe on her name tag. He said, "Did you know the name Phoebe means bright and shining?" And as he said it he saw the light come on in her eyes and the interest flaring. I can tell you from personal experience that asking or talking to someone about their name is almost a sure thing. You are demonstrating attraction in a way that says you are neither crude, nor overloaded with clichés and that you are actually thinking about the person, that you want to know her, and you are not just thinking about getting into her pants.

Howard and Dave said, and I highly agree, that where flirtation works best is where you just speak normally to someone and talk about normal topics. Get her attention with a sincere compliment. Try putting yourself out there and connecting on subjects you may have in common. Good flirtation involves the same behavior as making friends. Being charming, putting your best behavior on, making yourself likable. Being real.

Remember the manners you mother said were important your first day of kindergarden? They still are. Be polite. Don't touch someone, even virtually, unless you ask first. Say please and thank you. Share the toys--don't hog the conversation airing your personal dirty laundry, ask them about themselves. You fear you are not interesting enough? Do you read, go to movies, listen to music? Bring up a book, film, or song lyrics and share what you like about them. In SL you can mention interesting places you have seen in-world. If you can't think of any of these things then maybe you need to re-think how you are spending all your time! And for godsakes don't let the first words out of your mouth be to brag about your bedroom skills! Flirtation is about innuendo--implying sensitivity and sensuality without saying sex.

Whether your goal is to add to your friends list or to score a one-night stand or to find the girl of your dreams, remember, the locker-room humor and crude behavior doesn't cut it. In SL, or in RL.

Special thanks to Dave and Howard for their wisdom and advice. In case you are interested, The Word Nerds can be found at Podcast News Feed: http://thewordnerds.org/rss

Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying: Fulfill a Phone Fantasy

From the pages of Cosmo Magazine online comes this tidbit of advice that may be well worth applying to your love life in SL. . . .

Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying: Fulfill a Phone Fantasy

These days everyone and their dog has a cell phone. Okay, maybe not everyone. More like 156.6 million Americans over the age of 12, according to the global market-research group GfK NOP. But how is our main mode of communication impacting our sex lives? Turns out, it's making couples more courageous. "Interacting via technology rather than face-to-face provides an anonymity that often makes it easier for partners to express their desires," explains Lisa B. Schwartz, Ph.D., a sex therapist in private practice in Pennsylvania. "More couples seem to be exploring this freedom and sharing fantasies this way."
If the thought of partaking in phone play leaves you kind of speechless, this passion plan will loosen you up. First thing in the morning, lock your guy in for the evening with a firm text message. (Cancel your plans. U R mine 2nite.) At noon, divulge more of your pleasure plot in a second text (My place. 8. Bring a necktie and whipped cream).
When he shows up at 7:25 (the man will be eager, girl), grab the props, make him comfortable on the sofa and quickly retreat to another room. Then dial him up on his cell from behind closed doors and tell him step-by-step exactly what you wish you were doing to him ("I want to tie you to my bedpost and lick whipped cream off every last inch of you"). Keep up the delicious banter until he has no choice but to hang up and barge right in.



Now how to translate that to SL? For one thing, before you even hit the virtual bedroom start in IMs telling him what you want to do to him when you see him. Just as the Cosmo Tip suggested build the anticipation for him.

Let's face it, SL is basically phone sex when you use voice. Use the private call feature in SL voice. Your sim doesn't have voice enabled, you say? NP! Get your partner to load Gtalk, or AIM, Yahoo Messenger or any other voice capable chat program that both of you can run. Then run your voice conversation separate from your SL role play. In fact the connection is often cleaner and clearer through a chat program than in SL voice.

Why add this dimension of sound? Believe me when I say it is an incredible turn on to hear your partner's pleasure. No more typing of an emote (/me moans softly)--just do it! Hearing your partner's voice can help you gauge his responses better, too. Is he quiet, not saying much? Take a different tactic. Move from vaginal to oral sex talk. Is he saying "yes, oh god, yes!" in that I-am-going-to-explode tone of voice as you tell him what you are doing to him? Then you are heading in the right direction. Voice adds a whole new sensation to SL sex. Give it a listen!

Song du Jour: Tracy Chapman's "You're The One"

A song for all us girls who love to love all those bad boys out there....

Identity and Alternate Avatars

One of the most fun things about Second Life is designing your avatar. For those of us familiar with roleplaying games this is easy, we don and doff alternate personas as quickly as real people change shoes. How much or how little these avatars, our second identities, resemble us seems to depend almost entirely on how much we like who we are in Real Life (tm).

I started out with a prepackaged avatar--you can buy skins and shapes that someone has already made beautiful for you. But my girl looked a bit artificial to me. . . too "Barbie doll." And, I have to admit, I had fun redesigning my avatar. . . Tsai is now shaped more like the RL me (well, the tits and ass part anyway, though I am somewhat thicker waisted, more cylindrical where she is hour-glass). Her nose is definitely my nose (kind of pug), and the shape of the face is close, though I think I am more square-jawed. Here's the thing, if you want your av to look like your real self (albeit a bit better) get an artist to help. My artist friend sat next to me as I built my avatar. He'd look at me, then at her on the screen and say, "No, higher cheekbones. Yes. . . No, a bit more muscle in the thighs. Good." and so on. When we were done I still thought she was far too pretty. But then what is the point of making a new you if you don't make it better?

So we are drawn to recreate ourselves new and better in SL. And we go on gathering friends and having fun, and suddenly second life is work. We get jobs to support our SL lifestyles, we do business, make partnerships, or at least acquire friends and fuck-buddies. It all gets overwhelming and sooner or later we get the idea we need an "alt" (alternate avatars). C'mon, admit it. How many times have you said you wished you could clone you to do all the things you'd like to do in a day. (For a really good idea of how alternate avatars should work read David Brin's sci-fi novel Kiln People.) By alternate avatar here I don't mean just changing skins, costumes, or species. I mean a whole new account so you can be multiple different people in SL. But the problem with alternate avatars is (even if you can run multiple computers and have them all going at the same time) you still need to split your attention. Who (avatar-wise) gets to be "on"?

There are some good reasons for alts. Say you want to be different genders or different species at times. Or say you need an avatar for RL work (and, yes, some of us do), for professional reasons you might want to have a different av for fun, too. One couple I know have alts for when they want private times (sort of like turning the phone off at home--no one can find you if they don't know who you are). Then there's the fellow who uses alts to keep all his lady friends from finding out about his multiple affairs. He has created seven different alts, he calls them "brothers," and each is "faithful" to a separate girlfriend. (I do have to admit I have a problem with this use of alts, as it seems a bit sleazy even to me who makes an SL living at selling sex!)

For whatever reason, the stats seem to indicate that one in four SL residents have one or more alts, and that if you are into having alts, the average number for an alt user is five. That said I admit, I too have created an alt. But here's the interesting part. Try as I might, she isn't much different from my primary av. I made her a bit less sexy, and I really tried to find blonde hair for her that was more like my real hair (of course, now I find I would like to have that hair on Tsai, too). This leads me back to my original point about identity. How much are our avs like our real selves? Clearly if you are a Neko (the SL term for Furries, from the Japanese word for cat) your av "looks" different, but are you roleplaying or is this just the real you in a furry suit? If we strive to be more like our RL selves in our SL selves is that an indication of self-liking? Or just a lack of imagination?

All this avatar shaping has made me think about my own identity in RL as well. Are we shaped mentally, emotionally, by the physical bodies we inhabit? Does the color of our hair, our skins, our eyes, really matter? I am more comfortable when my av is a blonde--is that because I have always been a blonde in RL? Here, where I have the chance to be anything, why am I going for the same hair and eye colors?

In RL it seems like most of us aren't happy with the physical forms we are given. If we were, why would we spend so much time, effort, and money to dye our hair, have surgery to change the shape of our breasts, work out to build the perfect abs? If you are prettier or more handsome, are you happier? You might be if that sense of attractiveness could make you more confident. But if we were confident in ourselves--in our Real Lives (tm)--would we need Second Lives at all? We all certainly seem more confident in SL. Women are sexier, men are tougher, everyone is acting happy. In SL it is easy to be confident simply because we tend to stay behind our masks, never showing our real faces to each other. This begs the question: can anything in SL ever be real? Can we ever trust one another when we never really know the other?

I have no answers. I'm just thinking out loud here . . . and wondering about the faces behind my fantasies.