A poem for a Lost Love

When We Two Parted
by George Gordon Byron
When we two parted In silence and tears, Half broken-hearted To sever for years, Pale grew thy cheek and cold, Colder thy kiss; Truly that hour foretold Sorrow to this. The dew of the morning Sunk chill on my brow-- It felt like the warning Of what I feel now. Thy vows are all broken, And light is thy fame; I hear thy name spoken, And share in its shame. They name thee before me, A knell to mine ear; A shudder comes o'er me-- Why wert thou so dear? They know not I knew thee, Who knew thee too well-- Long, long shall I rue thee, Too deeply to tell. In secret we met-- In silence I grieve, That thy heart could forget, Thy spirit deceive. If I should meet thee After long years, How should I greet thee?-- With silence and tears.

--shamelessly stolen borrowed from www.poets.org
(check out all their Valentine's Day poems at: Love Poems

Song du Jour: "Undo it" Carrie Underwood

This song is for Silver. Keep singing this, Baby, & it will be all right. 


I should've known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should've walked, but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand, and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be the way
It was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely, and took me for a ride
And I wanna undo it

You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna undo it

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name, and I never will
And all your things, well, I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always going to be the same
Oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely, and took me for a ride
And I wanna undo it

You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna undo it

You want my future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely, and took me for a ride
And I wanna undo it

You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely, and took me for a ride
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna undo it

A Song for a New Year: Amanda Palmer "Hurt" Boston Pops - NYE 2009

In her introduction to this song Amanda Palmer says everything I have been feeling for the past three months:

Amanda Palmer: "It's been a really hard year for a lot of people and for me in a lot of ways... I am a firm believe in that there is no darkness without light and no light without darkness... If you can't go to the really dark places then you can't really have much joy... I have lost other people this year... I want to dedicate this song to putting everything in this year behind us...."

I hear the fat lady singing...

This has been a week of weird reflections for me. Thinking about the end of things. We are winding down to the end of the year. It is the end of the semester in school. In real life I am dealing with a death in the family.  But--and here is irony for you--it is the end of a love affair in Second Life that has hit me hardest of all.

I have avoided talking about all this in my blog here, because he never liked being the object of public discussion. He used to read my blog everyday. We used to chat everyday, we used to email, call, share our SL and RL lives. Then again, he used to love me. Ah well, things change. He doesn't read my blog any more (Google Analytics shows that to me). And he doesn't talk to me anymore. Not really. I get polite emails from time to time. Those friendly emails can hurt more than when we used to fight just because they are so polite, so cool. Distant, emotionless.

This week I realized (I have had some very long hours in the car thinking about stuff) that I have been spending most of 2009 waiting for "things to get better"--when all that happened was things got worse.

I could just count my blessings. I met him fell hard and fast, and had a glorious, wonderful, romantic nearly two years. Most of 2007 we were like (he used to say) teenagers in love. He was my obsession, and I was his. We couldn't keep our hands off each other.

All of 2008 we built our life together in Second Life. I gave him land in Valis for his rez day. We had an Italian villa he designed for me. He made me a studio to write in on the second floor. Then we bought airships and moved high in the sky. He had his shop on the ground. I was--still am--so very proud of his designs. We talked, laughed, had fun together. Couldn't bear to be apart for more than a day at a time.

Real life had demands on both of us. Real life came first we always said.

I remember once, after a fight, when we both went away angry and both immediately turned back around, he pointed out that we really were not capable of walking away from each other. He said: "I can't leave you. I always come back to you."

Here's a question: do we fall in love with a person? Or in love with the feeling of being in love? Or are they one and the same? What makes love go away? Do we just get tired of each other and the little annoyances become too much? How do you get around that? How do you make love last? Is it even possible?

And how do you let go when you don't want to let go? How do you by the one who left when it is a constant knife in the heart? Is it easier if you end it in anger? Because I can't be angry at him. I just hurt. All the time.

He said "Do you think we are the only star-crossed lovers that ever were? It will get better with time."

He was wrong. We are the only star-crossed lovers I ever was part of, and it isn't getting better.

Song for a grey Monday: "I Believe in You" by Amanda Marshall

Somewhere there's a river, looking for a stream
Somewhere there's a dreamer, looking for a dream
Somewhere there's a drifter, trying to find his way
Somewhere someone's waiting to hear somebody say:

I believe in you, and I can't even count the ways that
I believe in you, and all I want to do is help you to believe in you.

Quote du jour: David Ray

Love dies if you can't get to see her
or if you see her too much,
also from the gossip of vile men.
Or from no cause at all.

--from Not Far From the River by David Ray

Song du Jour: "Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5

Song for the end of a strange week: "Nothing Else Matters"

The funny thing about SL is that sometimes you grow closest to the ones from whom you are farthest away in RL...

And sometimes we just have to hang in there no matter what anyone thinks of what we do....