Quote du Jour: Cesare Pavese

"No one ever kills himself for the love of a woman, but because love--any love--reveals us in our nakedness, our misery" --Cesare Pavese

Courtesan's Sex Tip of the Month: Getting it Wet

Nothing makes the end of the day more special than the thought of a hot bubble bath come the evening. And what better than a bath with your man? "Taking a bath à deux can be incredibly seductive," says Cosmo Magazine. "Just lathering up each other with bare hands is sensual and exciting. . . . So next time you're having a sexy suds-fest with your man, have him lie back, resting his head on the edge of the tub. Facing him, kneel over one of his legs (his thigh should be sandwiched between your thighs), and lower yourself onto him. When he's inside you, wrap your ankles around his calf so you're fully entwined. Then lean forward and hold on to the edge of the tub behind his head to support yourself as you glide back and forth over his body, rather than up and down. The zero gravity of the water gives you a wider range of motion than you'd usually have and lets you experience new sensations every time you alter your movements.

'This position creates a slower buildup, which can ultimately lead to an exciting climax,' says Susan Crain Bakos, author of The Sex Bible: The Complete Guide to Sexual Love. Don't worry about taking too long; you'll have plenty of time to enjoy it. 'Your man is getting less friction than he's used to, so it can delay his orgasm,' she adds."

Translating those moves into your second life is not as difficult as you might think. I know what you will say--a good sex-bathtub is hard to find. You can find sex-animated hot tubs in several shops in SL, and sex animations for showers are everywhere (though the best are still at Strokerz). The problem is that animated bathtubs seem to be a rarer animal. I found one at Neptune's Kiss which took a bit of negotiating. The pose balls slip underwater and you find yourself sitting on the edge of the tub rather than the balls. That is corrected by sliding your camera under the water to "see" and sit on the balls rather than on the edge of the tub, as I found myself doing over and over until I got the hang of it.

But remember, the best part of SL is the dialogue. Pick up any sex or even just a cuddle animation and slip it into your basic tub. Then you and your partner talk through the action. Describe your soapy hands sliding over his skin. Tell him in graphic detail what you want him to do to you, what you want to do to him, and how it feels. Let your imagination run wild, since the best part of sex in SL is that there is no discomfort! (No banging your knees on the side of the tub, no worrying about fitting into cramped tiny spaces, no face full of water when you "go down" on him. . . . ) As in all SL sex, the key is that the more specific and descriptive you make your language of lovemaking, the better the visualization becomes and the more intense the orgasm will be. So get out there, girls, and get wet! And then don't forget to take those Cosmo tips home to your RL lovers, too!

Online Love Life a Threat to Your Job?

My favorite s'expert, Regina Lynn of Wired.com's Sex Drive, discussed in "Teachers Should Blog, Tweet and Flirt Online Like the Rest of Us" a growing concern about limiting the online fantasy lives of teachers. She asks:

What would you do if your employer told you not to use MySpace, Match.com and Second Life because those sites are "too dangerous" and "inappropriate" for you?

If you're a teacher in Ohio, you'd better think twice before you answer, because it's not a hypothetical question. According to the Columbus Dispatch, the state's teacher's unions recommend that teachers not post profiles on social networking or online dating sites because it could lead to the appearance of improper relationships with students.

This hits close to home for me as both an educator and an American concerned with infringement of civil liberties. Note here the phrase: "appearance of improper relationships"--this skirts close to being accused and condemned for a sin you haven't committed yet. Now in Second Life I don't tend to advertise where I live or what and where I teach, and thankfully I don't expect to run into underage students there, but even the thought of censure for my online SL life is disconcerting. I have no intention of having "improper relationships," just a healthy and fulfilling fantasy sex life with other consenting virtual adults. Fortunately Lynn agrees and she goes on to say:

Social networking, online dating and even uploading a pornographic video of oneself to an adults-only online performance space has nothing to do with one's students and everything to do with one's personal life and sexuality. Holding teachers up to a "higher standard"--symbols of an "ideal purity" that the rest of us are relieved we don't have to attain--is not only impossible, it works against our goal of helping young people mature into responsible adults.

She further notes that knowing how such virtual social environments work is likely to be beneficial to educators who struggle to reach the current Internet generation.

All adults who work with youth should be aware of how young people communicate, fall in love and stay connected; I encourage teachers to try social networking services, to have a blog, to text message with their own families and friends. Experienced teachers will not only gain a better sense of the world their students live in--indeed, a world their students are creating--they will have a greater understanding of the young teachers entering the profession. . . . But teachers who understand appropriate relationships with students are not going to "friend" teens on MySpace, text message youth about their sex lives or hook up with minors in role-playing games.

I agree. As someone who has used blogging as a classroom activity and even discussed appropriate Internet etiquette with students, I can see only good in a teacher being hip to the latest in online social spaces. Back in April, Lynn wrote an article dealing with similar issues, about online activity and RL workplace perceptions, "Sex and Nudity Aren't Good Reasons to Fire Someone", in which she asks:

What if we start with the idea that sex is good, bodies are beautiful and exhibitionism is a wonderfully exuberant way to celebrate life, love and the pursuit of pleasure?

What if we take it a step further and admit that technology has opened the doors--and the windows, and the portcullises, and the skylights and the ventilation systems--to a surfeit of sexual expression and display?

Is it really asking too much to suggest that employers stop worrying about how we perform in adult spaces and concentrate on how we perform our jobs instead?

And therein lies the crux of the issue. If your online activities impact your job negatively, then maybe you need to rethink your approach to the games you play. Or even the time you spend playing online. Lynn is righteously annoyed by the puritanical attitude that sees a virtual sex life as abnormal:

I am so sick of the priggishness. Tired of people making assumptions about a person based on their perceptions of the other's sexuality -- especially when they base those assumptions on the single dimension of online expression. Flabbergasted at the assumption that if you participate in adult activity online, you must lack judgment, integrity or reliability.

Getting naked on the internet is an international pastime, not the whim of a handful of sex addicts. Flashing your booty or treating yourself to an orgasm is hardly a sign that you are incapable of doing your job well, nor does it grant permission for others to dismiss your professional competence or authority.

We assume that everyone has RL relationships. No one is faulted for having sexual partners in RL, so why should virtual partners be any different? The key is, as with most things, using your common sense. You don't tell your boss or your customers (or your students if you are a teacher) about what you do in bed with your RL lovers, so why wouldn't you be just as discreet about your SL relationships? Just like in RL, where if you need to talk about your love life you cultivate a friend or confidante in whom you can confide, you can also find someone you can talk to about your online activities. Again, be discreet. Bear in mind that though there are always going to be people who will look for flaws in your behavior, there are also those who will understand (despite the media attention to illegal or dangerous internet activities involving sex) that this is just your own outlet for fantasy or healthy sexual recreation.

Balancing a home life, a work life, and a healthy online sex life is not easy, and it is important not to get so caught up in the virtual game that it spills into and consumes your real life. Or at least you need to be aware of and be prepared to deal with the flack that can cause. But the rewards of a virtual sex life's impact on your real sex life is also there. In the end it is who we love, and that we love, not how we love that really matters.

Another Naked Night at Blue Noise

So tonight was "Blue Jeans Night" at Blue Noise Dance Club in Ongwuti. I wore my cutoffs just to show off the new thigh high leather boots my friend Jinara gave me.

The action was pretty hot on the dance floor. MC was DJing and played my fav, Ben Harper, just for me. Doc (right), Woody (left), and I (middle) made a sexy chorus line and pretty soon all of the customers and staff joined in.









And, as so frequently happens when we are all having fun, by the end of the evening there was a whole lot of naked going on . . . and then of course the spanking begins! See what you all miss by not coming down to Blue Noise!

Shaking Booty at Blue Noise

So it's Saturday night and I am back shaking it in Blue Noise. The best thing about this club is really the people who work here. First there is Rhi, who manages the place, she's gorgeous and witty and has the fellows lining up. Then there are Kat, Roj, Doc, and Nerdi, who host the club's many and various contests. Among the female dancers there is me, of course, and Cordy, Sky, Bobbi, Savannah, Lucy, Harley, Envy, Jinara, Zoya, Sandrene, Lucy, Sandra, and many more. Some of these dancers double as escorts as well and can show you the fun places in Blue Noise's Sister Club, Blue Noise Hideaway. There are male dancers, too, including Jamien, Jara, Konstantine, and Nerdi, as well as several others. The DJs: MC, Patrick, Clinton, and the Radio Trauma gang, are wonderful, and love to take requests.

But the best thing about Blue Noise is that there is a camaraderie among the dancers, escorts, and the staff that is dynamic. On any given night there may be a only few, to a handful, to a crowd of patrons in BN, all having fun on the floor. You might be stalked by a sassy Aussie, or offered a Tesla coil by a savvy fox, or invited by a hot west coast lesbian to join a conga line and strip. Unlike other clubs where there are price guidelines for clothing coming off, the BN bunch is always ready to get naked--usually this is encouraged by one particular bad boy dancer who will challenge the ladies to match him clothing piece by clothing piece. By the end of any night you will find half the patrons naked as well! Expect an offer to go home with our favorite stripper fella to try out his latest set of orgy balls.

On costume contest nights you might find a mermaid in the pool, a sexy dragon on the dance floor, or a hot dancer in fairy wings who has more particle machines than most of SL. Then there's the schoolgirl types,: one in bobbysocks who will stun you with her athletic abilities and another in pink pigtails who can tease a man to orgasm in IM without ever leaving the dancepole. The conversation can ranges from surfing to Shakespeare, from London to Lisbon to L.A., from fav TV shows, to particle physics, to Preraphaelite art, to sexual techniques. A little something for everyone, and never boring.

If you are a Blue Noise VIP you probably know who all I am talking about here, if you are not . . . well c'mon up and see me sometime and I'll introduce you around. . . .