I had an urge to blog today. Had to remember my password. Had to find my login. And then I look at my last post and, lo!, it has been five years since I have been here! FIVE years! Where has time gone? So much water under so many bridges.
I stopped posting all those years ago because it was too painful. If you recall, I was once upon a time deeply in love with a man in SL (let's call him Boston). It affected my RL. He had an RL with a wife and kids. So he broke it off with me. And I was broken. Devastated. Funny how rejection from someone many states away could so greatly affect my both my lives, SL and RL. The last time I spoke to him was well over 6 years ago. Since then I have come to understand the wisdom in the way he broke it off (cold turkey) with me. I have also come to question how much this affair was a fantasy (perhaps of my imagining more than his).
Water under a bridge... mostly. I miss him still. But I think he was wise to dump me hard.
Why? Because over the last five years, my RL Beloved has been having an affair with a woman (call her Michigan) several states away. Much as Boston and I did, my RL man sends cute romantic texts to her, tells her he loves her, has become emotionally attached. Just as Boston made it patently clear to me (all through our brief virtual affair) that he was not leaving his wife, so Best Beloved makes it clear to Michigan that he is not leaving me and that they are just flirty friends.
The irony here is that I know all about Michigan, just as Best Beloved knew all about Boston. (Although, I do not think D ever confessed about me to his wife--or if he did I wonder how he explained it? She means nothing? It was just a game?) The two love affairs are both remarkably similar and completely different.
Let's be clear here, my RL man did have a physical RL affair with real, not virtual sex. It was just one weekend in a hotel in Toledo. When he came home he confessed all. I lost my shit and told him he had to end it with her. He did and he didn't. She moves in a group of people with whom we are RL friends. I can't help bumping into her at various functions. She has told me he is her "soul mate." He says she is "just a good friend." But he continues to talk to her and flirt with her. And this last summer things got physical again. Not sex. Just kissy face and patty finger physical. But it hurt. I considered leaving him and he lost his shit. Doesn't want to lose me. We spent time in counseling. I have spent a lot of the last five years being real.
I probably should be happy Beloved is honest with me. But what it really means is if he can have his fantasy life with her in emoticons in text messages and a series of what if or if only conversations, he is good with that. He has his cake at home, me, and he is eating it too, with her.
Some of my bridges are washing away in the flood....
And this Dear Reader is why I have not been writing. Life is all confusing. Do I still love him? Not sure. Am I lonely. Oh yeah. Because while S is busy emoting with P, he is not talking to me. We move like ghosts through this big house. Living separate lives together.
Stay tuned for how This Girl went back to looking for love in SL while she makes decisions about RL....
I stopped posting all those years ago because it was too painful. If you recall, I was once upon a time deeply in love with a man in SL (let's call him Boston). It affected my RL. He had an RL with a wife and kids. So he broke it off with me. And I was broken. Devastated. Funny how rejection from someone many states away could so greatly affect my both my lives, SL and RL. The last time I spoke to him was well over 6 years ago. Since then I have come to understand the wisdom in the way he broke it off (cold turkey) with me. I have also come to question how much this affair was a fantasy (perhaps of my imagining more than his).
Water under a bridge... mostly. I miss him still. But I think he was wise to dump me hard.
Why? Because over the last five years, my RL Beloved has been having an affair with a woman (call her Michigan) several states away. Much as Boston and I did, my RL man sends cute romantic texts to her, tells her he loves her, has become emotionally attached. Just as Boston made it patently clear to me (all through our brief virtual affair) that he was not leaving his wife, so Best Beloved makes it clear to Michigan that he is not leaving me and that they are just flirty friends.
The irony here is that I know all about Michigan, just as Best Beloved knew all about Boston. (Although, I do not think D ever confessed about me to his wife--or if he did I wonder how he explained it? She means nothing? It was just a game?) The two love affairs are both remarkably similar and completely different.
Let's be clear here, my RL man did have a physical RL affair with real, not virtual sex. It was just one weekend in a hotel in Toledo. When he came home he confessed all. I lost my shit and told him he had to end it with her. He did and he didn't. She moves in a group of people with whom we are RL friends. I can't help bumping into her at various functions. She has told me he is her "soul mate." He says she is "just a good friend." But he continues to talk to her and flirt with her. And this last summer things got physical again. Not sex. Just kissy face and patty finger physical. But it hurt. I considered leaving him and he lost his shit. Doesn't want to lose me. We spent time in counseling. I have spent a lot of the last five years being real.
I probably should be happy Beloved is honest with me. But what it really means is if he can have his fantasy life with her in emoticons in text messages and a series of what if or if only conversations, he is good with that. He has his cake at home, me, and he is eating it too, with her.
Some of my bridges are washing away in the flood....
And this Dear Reader is why I have not been writing. Life is all confusing. Do I still love him? Not sure. Am I lonely. Oh yeah. Because while S is busy emoting with P, he is not talking to me. We move like ghosts through this big house. Living separate lives together.
Stay tuned for how This Girl went back to looking for love in SL while she makes decisions about RL....
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