Got a Fortune Cookie today that read: "THE GREATEST PLEASURE IN LIFE IS DOING WHAT PEOPLE SAY YOU CANNOT DO" I immediately taped it to my computer.
It is true. For example, here are several "you cannots" that I know to be false.
1. You can't love more than one man (or woman). Why? Most of us have enough love for multiple children, at least 2 parents, assorted siblings, many many friends. Why, if no other love is limited, do we assume that romantic (or erotic) love must be limited to one significant other? What is limited is not our love, but our time. And in love we want all the time and attention of our partners. We behave in love like toddlers who say: "Mine, all mine!" Maybe we don't need to limit our love . . . maybe we just need to share our toys better.
2. You can't make love work long distance. That may have been true a century ago when the fastest communication was the mail train and it took months. But today we have the Internet, IMs, cellphones that reach around the globe, text messaging, email, . . . and Second Life. Nine tenths of sex takes place in the mind, the imagination. If you can communicate you can have a romance. And it can be very good. Trust me on this one, I know.
3. He can't (or wouldn't want to) look at other women if he really loves me. Bullshit. Even if you only ever eat at home who says you can't read the menu of the fine restaurant you pass on the street? If your man is looking at other women all that says is that he has a healthy appetite. Ask him what he likes. maybe play out some of those fantasies that are turning his head. Talk about it and it will enrich your own sex life, clamp down on it and all you have is a man who feels guilty for a normal sexuality and who can't talk to the one person (you) he should be able to trust. I fear the day my man stops looking at other women--that is the day he is no longer interested in sex and that means he isn't looking at me either.