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Sunday, September 30, 2007

Chanson de la nuit: "Cadence of her last breath" by Nightwish

Why do I miss someone
I never met, with bated breath I lay
Seawinds brought her to me
A butterfly, mere one-day miracle of life
And all the poetry in the world
Finally makes sense to me

Locker Room Lingo, Pick-up Lines, Flirtation, and SL

I was cruising through the archive of The Word Nerds, a podcast about words, language, and why we say the things we do, and came across Locker-room Lingo, Pickup Lines, and Flirtation (episode 52) in which Dave and Howard discussed the language of flirtation and sex. It is fascinating to think about the language, the euphemisms, we chose for discussing sex. The ones I find particularly peculiar use animal metaphors for masturbation: spanking the monkey, walking the dog, and for sex: bash the beaver, feed the kitty, riding the pink pony. Sadly, these odd and interesting, but highly unromantic!, locker room phrases just go on forever. The Word Nerds suggest that we do not grow out of the high school locker room lingo just by getting older. I hate to say it but my experience in SL has lead me to believe this is true. In a virtual world like SL where lovemaking is word-driven, the choices we make in language become critical to how we both view and are viewed by others. So how should we use language to approach sex?

Pick up lines, the Word Nerd boys tell us, need to be quick, catchy and imply that the object of the pick-up is attractive and interesting. those kind of lines are (again, sadly) few and far between. There are over 14 million hits on Google for pickup lines, and one site, by Matthew Montoya, even categorizes pick-up lines, the dumber/cruder of which fall under: Worthy of Beavis and Butthead (
Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.), Straight to the Point (Hey, Baby, Wanna get lucky?), Cheese (What's your sign?), and What? (I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?). My personal favorite category is the Left Field Approach which includes the [sarcasm mode on] sparkling wit of lines like: "I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?" and "Is it cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's?" Just for future reference for all you guys who think any of these sound good, that crunch you just heard and the pain you are feeling is her knee connecting to your groin.

So how do you get to talk to the pretty girl? You are gonna have to go for creative without crude. I know may involve brains, but pull yours out and dust it off and give it a shot. Howard mentioned a success he had with a girl who had the name Phoebe on her name tag. He said, "Did you know the name Phoebe means bright and shining?" And as he said it he saw the light come on in her eyes and the interest flaring. I can tell you from personal experience that asking or talking to someone about their name is almost a sure thing. You are demonstrating attraction in a way that says you are neither crude, nor overloaded with clichés and that you are actually thinking about the person, that you want to know her, and you are not just thinking about getting into her pants.

Howard and Dave said, and I highly agree, that where flirtation works best is where you just speak normally to someone and talk about normal topics. Get her attention with a sincere compliment. Try putting yourself out there and connecting on subjects you may have in common. Good flirtation involves the same behavior as making friends. Being charming, putting your best behavior on, making yourself likable. Being real.

Remember the manners you mother said were important your first day of kindergarden? They still are. Be polite. Don't touch someone, even virtually, unless you ask first. Say please and thank you. Share the toys--don't hog the conversation airing your personal dirty laundry, ask them about themselves. You fear you are not interesting enough? Do you read, go to movies, listen to music? Bring up a book, film, or song lyrics and share what you like about them. In SL you can mention interesting places you have seen in-world. If you can't think of any of these things then maybe you need to re-think how you are spending all your time! And for godsakes don't let the first words out of your mouth be to brag about your bedroom skills! Flirtation is about innuendo--implying sensitivity and sensuality without saying sex.

Whether your goal is to add to your friends list or to score a one-night stand or to find the girl of your dreams, remember, the locker-room humor and crude behavior doesn't cut it. In SL, or in RL.

Special thanks to Dave and Howard for their wisdom and advice. In case you are interested, The Word Nerds can be found at Podcast News Feed: http://thewordnerds.org/rss

Friday, September 28, 2007

A Song for Lovers: Ben Harper's "In The Colors"

We all know that sometimes the forbidden fruit is the sweetest...

...Come dance with me.

Dessert First

You are intent on the computer, checking your email, planning the day. . . you never even hear her come in the room until she says, "Hey you . . ."

On the tray she holds there are two cups and a pot of steaming coffee--
Mocca Java by the scent that fills the room--and a glass plate holding a couple of chocolate éclairs. You push back your chair from the desk and she curls in your lap like a cat. Snuggles her face in your neck and begins kissing you softly. . . small kisses that trail down the line of your shoulder, your collarbone, then up your jawline to your mouth. "Hungry?" she asks with a mischievous smile. “Want some dessert?”

She reaches for an éclair, runs her tongue over the top, licking off the chocolate surface, then she turns back to you and, with one hand on the back of your neck pulling your face to hers, kisses you deeply passionately—a long, slow chocolate flavored dance of tongue on tongue. She pulls away and as you reach for her, she lifts the éclair to her mouth. She nibbles off the tip of the éclair, murmuring a soft “Mmmmm,” and you watch fascinated as her tongue, pink and wet, laps into the creamy filling. She scoops a bit of that creamy center on her tongue and leaning closer slides her tongue in your mouth. As she pulls back she whispers, “You want some of this?”


Your arms around her, your hands on her hips, you can only watch as she dips her tongue in the cream of the éclair again and again. Then she slides the end of it in her mouth, slides it in and pulls it back out. Slides it in again and sucks hard. She bites and chews and then grins wickedly at you. You see a tiny bit of the cream on the corner of her mouth and lean in to lick it off with your tongue. “Tasty,” you tell her. She finishes off her éclair with slow and deliberate bites. You watch her run her tongue around her lips. As she snuggles in closer and slowly runs her tongue across your lower lip, you are aware of an uncomfortable tightening of your jeans. So is she.

She rises, takes your hand, and pulls you out of your chair. "Let’s go have dessert first," she says, leading you to the bedroom.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A song from last night: Nightwish's "Come Cover Me"

"Come wet a widow`s eye
Cover the night with your love
Dry the rain from my beaten face
Drink the wine the red sweet taste of mine

Come cover me with you
For the thrill
Till you will take me in
Come comfort me in you
Young love must
Live twice only for us

For me
For you
Time devours passion`s beauty
With me
With you
In war for the love of you
(Tonight any dream will do)

Not a world but your fine grace
Seduction in sleepwalker`s land
November dressed in May on your face
Holding us now the lovecropper`s hand

Come cover me with you..."

Quote du Jour: Anais Nin

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Song for a Crazy Week: "Run To You" by Bryan Adams

When it gets too much,
I need to feel your touch...

I'm gonna run to you.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Narrating the Sensual Senses

In RL we are bombarded daily with sensations: sound, sight, smell, taste, touch. In SL we are a bit more limited. All we have is the visual (our avatars and animations) and verbal (chat and IM) for expressing ourselves--although happily that verbal is sometimes now audio (the second life voice viewer is live) as well as text. But without the sensation of touch, the ability to run fingertips over skin, to let lips connect, to feel the pleasure of orgasm and ejaculation, how can sex in SL be as gratifying as that in real life? For some it can't. For those, however, who are willing to let their imaginations go, there is a a remarkable wealth of sensations that can be described and thus imagined along with the physical release that comes from the mutual masturbation that accompanies SL sex.

Think about it. Some of the most remarkable pleasures of a sexual relationship are not in the end product: orgasm, but rather are those small things that trigger imagination and desire. The warmth and strength of a holding lover's hand in yours carries with it the memory every hand that you have ever held, from the security of the parent's hand when you were a child to that first daring time you touched a member of the opposite sex, to the fingers of the most desired lover you can't forget. When you describe twining your fingers with those of your SL partner--describe the way your fingers slide into his, describe feeling the strength of his hand that could crush yours yet holds you with a touch as light as a butterfly--you evoke the memories he carries as well as your own. We connect best in SL when those memory patterns overlap, when both partners have the same sort of pleasurable memories to draw on. Another way of saying this is that you must be willing or able to connect on some inner levels with your partner. Know what he likes and dislikes.

Take scents for instance. Scents are remarkable triggers of memory. Lavender always reminds me of my grandmother, pleasant memories, but not conducive to romance. Jasmine, however, makes me feel sexy, exotic. I can trigger either scent in my own brain by its description, by merely naming it. No olfactory stimulation necessary. So if I tell my lover that I love the way he smells, like cinnamon and deep woods, and when I tell him that if he buries his face in my hair I will smell of oranges and jasmine, I am triggering my own memories of certain sexy men's colognes, of cooking in a kitchen with a lover, and of my own sexual identity.

He, too, has to on some level, think of those as sexy agreeable scents and also be able to imagine them. If he has never smelled jasmine he might be able to as least conjure an image of flowers and connect that to a romantic moment. But if cinnamon reminds him of pumpkin pie and Christmas and family things, that might not be the frame of reference I want to evoke for a truly lusty encounter. The important thing is to listen to what your lover is saying, pay attention to how he responds to your descriptive moments in IM or voice. Don't get so carried away by your own narrative that you forget to listen to what he is saying and especially what he is responding to!

If you can flesh out the narrative, clearly describing what the sights, scents, tastes, and touches are of your lovemaking, and encourage (by example) your partner to do the same . . . SL sex can be as good as (even if different from) RL sex.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Sunday Song: Nightwish "I Wish I Had an Angel"



Nightwish is a Finnish heavy metal/rock band with operatic and classical overtones. I only recently fell in love with their music, not just because of its eclectic qualities, but also for the dark beauty of these lyrics that speak of danger and desire on a muliplicity of levels.

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I'm in love with my lust
Burning angelwings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight...

Last dance, first kiss
Your touch my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts...."


Nighwish's lyrics are rich with religious, gothic, Tolkeinesque, and mythologic imagery. The videos are darkly compelling, often coldly graphic with a chiaroscuro lighting that makes them starkly beautiful. All in all Nightwish is reminiscent of the poetry of Baudelaire, the erotica of Anais Nin, and the cinema of Bergman. If you want to hear more of them see my YouTube playlist. Or email me and I'll send you my favorite songs.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying: Fulfill a Phone Fantasy

From the pages of Cosmo Magazine online comes this tidbit of advice that may be well worth applying to your love life in SL. . . .

Hot Sex Trends Worth Trying: Fulfill a Phone Fantasy

These days everyone and their dog has a cell phone. Okay, maybe not everyone. More like 156.6 million Americans over the age of 12, according to the global market-research group GfK NOP. But how is our main mode of communication impacting our sex lives? Turns out, it's making couples more courageous. "Interacting via technology rather than face-to-face provides an anonymity that often makes it easier for partners to express their desires," explains Lisa B. Schwartz, Ph.D., a sex therapist in private practice in Pennsylvania. "More couples seem to be exploring this freedom and sharing fantasies this way."
If the thought of partaking in phone play leaves you kind of speechless, this passion plan will loosen you up. First thing in the morning, lock your guy in for the evening with a firm text message. (Cancel your plans. U R mine 2nite.) At noon, divulge more of your pleasure plot in a second text (My place. 8. Bring a necktie and whipped cream).
When he shows up at 7:25 (the man will be eager, girl), grab the props, make him comfortable on the sofa and quickly retreat to another room. Then dial him up on his cell from behind closed doors and tell him step-by-step exactly what you wish you were doing to him ("I want to tie you to my bedpost and lick whipped cream off every last inch of you"). Keep up the delicious banter until he has no choice but to hang up and barge right in.



Now how to translate that to SL? For one thing, before you even hit the virtual bedroom start in IMs telling him what you want to do to him when you see him. Just as the Cosmo Tip suggested build the anticipation for him.

Let's face it, SL is basically phone sex when you use voice. Use the private call feature in SL voice. Your sim doesn't have voice enabled, you say? NP! Get your partner to load Gtalk, or AIM, Yahoo Messenger or any other voice capable chat program that both of you can run. Then run your voice conversation separate from your SL role play. In fact the connection is often cleaner and clearer through a chat program than in SL voice.

Why add this dimension of sound? Believe me when I say it is an incredible turn on to hear your partner's pleasure. No more typing of an emote (/me moans softly)--just do it! Hearing your partner's voice can help you gauge his responses better, too. Is he quiet, not saying much? Take a different tactic. Move from vaginal to oral sex talk. Is he saying "yes, oh god, yes!" in that I-am-going-to-explode tone of voice as you tell him what you are doing to him? Then you are heading in the right direction. Voice adds a whole new sensation to SL sex. Give it a listen!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Song du Jour: Tracy Chapman's "You're The One"


A song for all us girls who love to love all those bad boys out there....

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Friday, September 14, 2007

The Heart

The heart is an amazing organ. The ancient Greeks believed that the heart was the seat of reason and the center of intelligence in the body. The Greek philosopher Aristotle claimed it was the most important organ of the body, the center of all life. The physician Galen believed the heart was the organ most closely related to the soul. The ancient Egyptians also saw the heart as the seat of the soul, but saw it as the center of all emotions and place where wisdom resides as well.

No matter what we know from modern science about the heart as a muscle that pushes blood around the body we still think of the heart as the place where emotion resides. When we fall in love don't we feel the heat of our passion spread out from the center of our hearts? And when we are hurt by love don't we feel the sharpest pain of it in our very hearts like a physical blow? We trust the heart as a source of wisdom, saying things like: "The heart knows," "trust your heart," and "follow your heart." But is it wise? Especially when it seems to control all those feelings surrounding that slipperiest of emotions . . . love.

In the Renaissance, Leonardo DaVinci observed the push and pull of blood through the chambers of the heart and said: "At one and the same time, in one and the same subject, two opposite motions cannot take place, that is, repentance and desire." Maybe Leo had something there . . . can love (desire) survive in the same place that constant hurt, pain, or sorrow (regret/repentance) does?

I suspect love never dies easily. Even though that warm hearted feeling can be driven out from time to time by the pain of heartache, love rarely goes down without a fight. And even though we occasionally repent or regret our relationships with our lovers, our desire to love and to be loved will win out if we let it.

Since heart disease has been on the rise, we have been told to take good care of our physical hearts, to eat healthy and get exercise. I suspect this is good for our emotional hearts as well. And we should watch out equally carefully for our lovers' hearts. We ought to feed each other sweet words not harsh, exercise caution before striking out at each other, and sometimes we need to swallow our own harsh words and apologize, swallow the hurts we've been dealt and forgive.

Leonardo is right that desire and repentance cannot exist simultaneously, but in the heart they must exist side by side. It is the push and pull, the give and take, that keeps the heart pumping. It is finding the balance between joy and pain that will keep love working. I would purposely misquote that infamous line in Love Story as: "Love means always having to say you are sorry." Love means accepting that both you and your lover have faults and that you will be probably be hurt when you love deeply. Love means loving someone through their melancholy funks or despite their bull-in-a-china shop ways. Love means loving the whole package, light and dark, yin and yang.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Quote for tonight: from Kahlil Gibran

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

--from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Another love song: "Mystic´s Dream" by Loreena McKennitt


this one is for the black birds...

A clouded dream on an earthly night
Hangs upon the crescent moon
A voiceless song in an ageless light
Sings at the coming dawn
Birds in flight are calling there
Where the heart moves the stones
It's there that my heart is longing
All for the love of you

A painting hangs on an ivy wall
Nestled in the emerald moss
The eyes declare a truce of trust
And then it draws me far away
Where deep in the desert twilight
Sand melts in pools of the sky
When darkness lays her crimson cloak
Your lamps will call me home

And so it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
And now I feel you move
Every breath is full
So it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
Even the distance feels so near
All for the love of you.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Chanson du Matin: "I Won't Last A Day Without You"

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

Friday, September 7, 2007

Song for this weekend: "The first time ever I saw your face"


Sometimes...no matter where we go or who we are with...we can't help remembering the first time we saw someone special, or heard his voice for the very first time....