Quote du Jour: Anonymous FB Friend

"You don't fall in love by choice, but by chance. You don't make love last by chance, but by work. You don't work on love by chance, only by choice."

I found this on a friend's Facebook page. It rings very true. 

A Song for Monday: "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie

The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And she goes
Nobody knows

Frailty, thy name is woman . . .

Yesterday Draven had an hellacious day, and missed our date. This falls under the category of "Shit Happens." But I, with my frailties running full tilt in insecure mode, took all the stresses of the week and blew them out of proportion. I thought all kinds of self-pitying things when he was the one who was really having the bad day. Now I just feel foolish.

What is it about love that makes people behave badly, overreact, panic, flip out . . . all the cliches apply here. I have never been a woman to sit by a phone in Real Life (tm) hoping someone would call. But here I am sitting around Second Life just waiting for him. Hoping. What is it about this one man that can push all my buttons--good and bad--so hard?

And while I am fretting he is stressing in other ways, too. He reminds me that he is only human, can do only so much. He tells me I have an idealized image of him. Do I? I don't know. I do think he is my perfect other half in so many ways--a soul mate. Why? "I have no other but a woman's reason: I think him so, because I think him so."

Patience, I tell myself. This is just the path we have to walk. It is what it is. "Journeys end in lovers meeting, Every wise man's son doth know." I just need to have patience, and faith in Draven. And I need the gorram universe to cut us some slack.

Places to See in SL: the Garden of NPIRL Delights

It is almost too late, this being the last day for this incredible four sim exhibit of fantastic and surreal builds, but if you get time tonight you must go see The Garden of Not Possible in Real Life Delights in Rezzable (click here for the SURL). Loosely inspired by Hieronymus Bosch the Garden is a masterwork of multiple talented builders come together in one spot to create what the NPIRL Blog calls: ". . . not a routine build festival. In fact, it is the first time that such a large number of mostly well-known and well-regarded artists, architects, and scripters have come together to not only embrace and demonstrate art and architecture and landscaping that is 'not possible in Real Life'or NPIRL, but also to construct it around a theme so surreal that a similar effort could not be duplicated in Real Life."

Here is one small example: Last night Draven found himself in a representation of a Salvador Dali painting there! Here's on the left is the original Dali painting, "Crucifixion (Corpus Hypercubus)."
And below to the right is Draven posing on the build in the Garden (or as he put it: "Irish Catholic boy creates Franco-Celtic persona in virtual world and re-enacts The Crucifixion in a surrealist sort of way.") Yes, you too can become one with a piece of art--only possible in SL!

So come out and see the Garden tonight, it's your very last chance!

Online Love Life a Threat to Your Job?

My favorite s'expert, Regina Lynn of Wired.com's Sex Drive, discussed in "Teachers Should Blog, Tweet and Flirt Online Like the Rest of Us" a growing concern about limiting the online fantasy lives of teachers. She asks:

What would you do if your employer told you not to use MySpace, Match.com and Second Life because those sites are "too dangerous" and "inappropriate" for you?

If you're a teacher in Ohio, you'd better think twice before you answer, because it's not a hypothetical question. According to the Columbus Dispatch, the state's teacher's unions recommend that teachers not post profiles on social networking or online dating sites because it could lead to the appearance of improper relationships with students.

This hits close to home for me as both an educator and an American concerned with infringement of civil liberties. Note here the phrase: "appearance of improper relationships"--this skirts close to being accused and condemned for a sin you haven't committed yet. Now in Second Life I don't tend to advertise where I live or what and where I teach, and thankfully I don't expect to run into underage students there, but even the thought of censure for my online SL life is disconcerting. I have no intention of having "improper relationships," just a healthy and fulfilling fantasy sex life with other consenting virtual adults. Fortunately Lynn agrees and she goes on to say:

Social networking, online dating and even uploading a pornographic video of oneself to an adults-only online performance space has nothing to do with one's students and everything to do with one's personal life and sexuality. Holding teachers up to a "higher standard"--symbols of an "ideal purity" that the rest of us are relieved we don't have to attain--is not only impossible, it works against our goal of helping young people mature into responsible adults.

She further notes that knowing how such virtual social environments work is likely to be beneficial to educators who struggle to reach the current Internet generation.

All adults who work with youth should be aware of how young people communicate, fall in love and stay connected; I encourage teachers to try social networking services, to have a blog, to text message with their own families and friends. Experienced teachers will not only gain a better sense of the world their students live in--indeed, a world their students are creating--they will have a greater understanding of the young teachers entering the profession. . . . But teachers who understand appropriate relationships with students are not going to "friend" teens on MySpace, text message youth about their sex lives or hook up with minors in role-playing games.

I agree. As someone who has used blogging as a classroom activity and even discussed appropriate Internet etiquette with students, I can see only good in a teacher being hip to the latest in online social spaces. Back in April, Lynn wrote an article dealing with similar issues, about online activity and RL workplace perceptions, "Sex and Nudity Aren't Good Reasons to Fire Someone", in which she asks:

What if we start with the idea that sex is good, bodies are beautiful and exhibitionism is a wonderfully exuberant way to celebrate life, love and the pursuit of pleasure?

What if we take it a step further and admit that technology has opened the doors--and the windows, and the portcullises, and the skylights and the ventilation systems--to a surfeit of sexual expression and display?

Is it really asking too much to suggest that employers stop worrying about how we perform in adult spaces and concentrate on how we perform our jobs instead?

And therein lies the crux of the issue. If your online activities impact your job negatively, then maybe you need to rethink your approach to the games you play. Or even the time you spend playing online. Lynn is righteously annoyed by the puritanical attitude that sees a virtual sex life as abnormal:

I am so sick of the priggishness. Tired of people making assumptions about a person based on their perceptions of the other's sexuality -- especially when they base those assumptions on the single dimension of online expression. Flabbergasted at the assumption that if you participate in adult activity online, you must lack judgment, integrity or reliability.

Getting naked on the internet is an international pastime, not the whim of a handful of sex addicts. Flashing your booty or treating yourself to an orgasm is hardly a sign that you are incapable of doing your job well, nor does it grant permission for others to dismiss your professional competence or authority.

We assume that everyone has RL relationships. No one is faulted for having sexual partners in RL, so why should virtual partners be any different? The key is, as with most things, using your common sense. You don't tell your boss or your customers (or your students if you are a teacher) about what you do in bed with your RL lovers, so why wouldn't you be just as discreet about your SL relationships? Just like in RL, where if you need to talk about your love life you cultivate a friend or confidante in whom you can confide, you can also find someone you can talk to about your online activities. Again, be discreet. Bear in mind that though there are always going to be people who will look for flaws in your behavior, there are also those who will understand (despite the media attention to illegal or dangerous internet activities involving sex) that this is just your own outlet for fantasy or healthy sexual recreation.

Balancing a home life, a work life, and a healthy online sex life is not easy, and it is important not to get so caught up in the virtual game that it spills into and consumes your real life. Or at least you need to be aware of and be prepared to deal with the flack that can cause. But the rewards of a virtual sex life's impact on your real sex life is also there. In the end it is who we love, and that we love, not how we love that really matters.