Strange Dream

I had the oddest dream with D in it last night. I was in a house that was full of people who were having a secret meeting--I was pretty sure they were industrial spies. Some had come dressed as pirates. They all brought their own folding chairs. I had to stand because I had no chair. The guards on the front porch had guns. One of them told me D was across the street in the darkness, but I couldn't see him. I was thinking that I wanted to see him so much. To see his face, his real face. Then the police arrived and in the chaos D grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the house. He was dressed in a black jumpsuit like a ninja. He looked like the picture he'd sent me long ago--with beard and mustache. But his hair was very short and dark. He didn't say a word. I asked for a kiss, but he wouldn't kiss me; he just shook his head, took my hand and we ran. We ended up at a rocket ship about to launch. On board there were a lot of blue canvas hammocks full of people. Only one empty hammock was left. The captain was a tall white-haired elegant woman. She told me D was wanted for questioning but I knew if we left on the ship now we wouldn't be stopped. D never said a word but we got into the one hammock left and strapped in. I was thinking that I liked sharing the hammock even if he wouldn't kiss me. I was so happy to be in his arms again. I woke up as the ship warmed up for take off.

I woke at 12:41am thinking this dream was so vivid I just had to write it down. Bizzare, huh? I haven't had D appear in my dreams in almost a year. But then it was just a year ago this week that he broke up with me. Exactly one year ago that he abandoned Valis. 


Wonder who's living there now.

Wonder what he was dreaming at 12:41 am last night.

Song for Sunday, and for Thor: "Love is a Place I Dream of" by Luka Bloom

Song from Jamesen for Tsai: "Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places" by Johnny Lee

Missed a date tonight with Jamesen (insert sad face here) because an RL function ran too long. But sweet man that he is he understood and sent me the lyrics to a song.  This song:



I've spent a lifetime looking for someone
Single bars and good time lovers, never true
Playing a fools game, hoping to win
Telling those sweet lies and losing again.

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Hopin' to find a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
Another heart, lookin' for love

When I was alone then, no love in sight
And I did everything I could to get me through the night
Don't know where it started or where it might end
I turn to a stranger, just like a friend

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Hopin' to find a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
Another heart, lookin' for love

Tsai in Valis

Tsai in Valis, originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.


Evening, That moment of peace when the sun touches the horizon and you close your eyes to feel the last rays on your face. It is then when we think about all the things we have seen and done during the day. All the words spoken and unspoken, all the people we love. Hopes. Dreams. Tomorrows.

Song for a grey Monday: "I Believe in You" by Amanda Marshall

Somewhere there's a river, looking for a stream
Somewhere there's a dreamer, looking for a dream
Somewhere there's a drifter, trying to find his way
Somewhere someone's waiting to hear somebody say:

I believe in you, and I can't even count the ways that
I believe in you, and all I want to do is help you to believe in you.

Quote of the Day: Believe

Did I dream this belief,
Or did I believe this dream?

-Peter Gabriel

A Song for Dabrin: "Dream Catch Me" by Newton Faulkner

Every time
I close my eyes
It's you
And I know now
Who I am

Yea yea yea
And I know now

There's a place I go
When I'm alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm fallin'
That's where I'm goin'
Where are you goin'?
Hold it close won't let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all

You do so much
That you don't know
It's true
And I know now
Who I am

Yea yea yea
And I know now

There's a place I go
When I'm alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm fallin'
That's where I'm goin'
Where are you goin'?
Hold it close won't let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all

See you as a mountain
A fountain of God
See you as as a descant soul
in the setting sun
You as the sound
As the silence is lost

I'm young

There's a place I go
When I'm alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm fallin'

There's a place I go
When I'm alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm fallin'
That's where I'm goin'
Where are you goin'?
Hold it close won't let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all

Song for Super Sunday: "This is a Message from Your Heart" Kina Grannis

Don't break me, I bruise easily
The source of both your love and misery
I am steady, beating endlessly
While you are dozing, dreaming pretty things
Lovely things
I don't work for free
Please take care of me

This is a message from your heart
Your most devoted body part
Taking blood and making art
This is a message from your heart
Pounding away into the dark
You could thank me for a start

This is a message from your heart
Don't hurt me,
I bleed constantly
My efforts leave me but flow back swiftly
My rhythm, soothing, like raindrops steady
On foggy windows when you gaze outwardly
Peacefully

I don't work for free
Please take care of me
Please take care of me

This is a message from your heart
Your most devoted body part
Taking blood and making art
This is a message from your heart
Pounding away into the dark
You could thank me for a start

This is a message from your heart
Everytime you sleepEverytime you eat
Everytime you laughEverytime you cry
Every time you love

This is a message from your heart
Your most devoted body part
Taking blood and making art
This is a message from your heart
Pounding away into the dark
You could thank me for a start
This is a message from your heart

for more of Kina's music: http://www.myspace.com/kinagrannis
See her video blog at: http://www.twoweeksforkina.com

Second Life Places To Visit: Grendel's Children Revisited

A week ago I told you about a lovely sim called Grendel's Children, well . . . since then I have had the chance to revisit that place, explore it further, and it is even more impressive than I thought. Grendel's is the brainchild of Flea Bussy who has made a secondlife career of unique avatar design. From dragons to dark fae, robots to raptors, sirens to succubi, trolls to tanks, you can find anything you can envision becoming in Grendel's. In a recent interview with Not Possible in Real Life, Flea says that: "I'm one of those people who's bread and butter is imagination. I always wanted to make, say, 'stuff for video games,' a very common dream of teens 'n such, 'n then you grow up realizing it's not easy, and not like you'll just get scooped up by some game company 'n be all hailed. And, over a bit of time, I realized I'd hate (it) if all the things I invented existed as they do in 90% of games to: 'just kill it.'" Fortunately for us, Flea diecovered Second Life. Now, 4 sims and 800 avatars later, here's Grendel's Children with Flea and a staff of 23 builders cranking out some of the coolest avs in SL, as well as building and nmaintaining a vast and gorgeous landscape to role play those marvelous creations in.

This is me in my new Lust Demon hair, eyes, and wings from the av collection there.

There are three floors of skybox shops in Grendel's, and all the avs come with full pacakges of skins, shapes, hair, eyes, and clothing--most of them for under $100, and many of them for free.

Don't just take my word for it!

• See some of the amazing pictures of Grendel's on Arahan Claveau's Flickr set.
• Read Natalia Zelmanov's extensive post about Grendel's Children in her Mermaid Diaries!
• See what Lillie Guildenstern has to say about the sim and her new siren av in her Lilikin's Blog.

And then just go visit it yourself in Avaria!

On Getting Married in Second Life: Part 1, Rehearsing

I am having a unique experience this weekend (No, I am NOT getting SL partnered--perish the thought!), I am going to be a bridesmaid in an SL "wedding." No shit. Me who doesn't even like to go to weddings in RL! This is a favor for a friend of a friend, and so far I gotta say one of the oddest things I've done in SL to date.

Last night was the wedding rehearsal. Clearly this is a big deal for the folks who do this stuff. But I have to wonder how much of marriage today is a demonstration of the love between two people and how much is due to our indoctrination (through media hype) that has pushed us as a society to believe that all relationships must end in monogamy and be blessed, not just by a church or the state, but by an over-commercialized capitalist economy that sells expensive white dresses you can only ever wear once?

But okay, never mind all that. Here I am, having agreed to walk down the aisle and support a friend on her special day, and we arrive at rehearsal time at the "Wedding Sim" a mostly lovely place with waterfalls and a park and flowers. Unfortunately the pretty little chapel area, with its white benches, rose arbor, and pink ribbons, has also got a great mucking huge tacky sign that tells you the cost of everything. 10,000 Lindens it says just for invitations!

The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for 5:30 pm. Everyone was there, the bride, the groom, the best man and me, and the friend who is giving the bride away, everyone but the person who demanded there be a rehearsal: the wedding consultant/minister/woman who makes her living on these events. So we stand around and wait for the "Minister," and all the while the tacky sign spews out periodic clouds of particle doves flying (it appears) sideways. We get to try on our wedding finery (I am wearing pink) and discuss flowers and shoes, but then we give it up for the evening.

Two hours later the minister-person IMs us all and asks us to please assemble immediately at the Chapel area. So like good little sheep we trot over. All of us but the best man who is having log-in problems. The woman in charge (let's call her "The Wedding Nazi") is a nine-foot tall Barbie doll avatar (huge boobs, tiny waist, that shiny plastic skin look, and an outfit worthy of Ballerina Barbie) who--despite the tag over her her head that describes her as "Charming"--begins barking commands at us like we are second-graders on the short bus. Now I am not all that wed-tiqutte savvy, I know, but how much intelligence does it take to step on an animation that takes you down an aisle and from there leap to a pose ball?

Ms. Wedding-Nazi makes us all jump around a bit on command, and then the best man finally arrives. Now never mind that she was 2 hours late (for which I never heard her apologize) and has made the rest of us jump through hoops, the first words out of her mouth to the best man are to insult and laugh at him. What happened is that as he is rezzing, his textures don't appear. So we have a fellow in white and black with "missing textures"--hey, no big deal, it happens. Polite people might realize we can't always see when we are missing textures and suggest a rebake. But in this case he also has his genitals on and they have materialized outside the missing textures. This is an also not-uncommon, and sometimes unavoidable, occurrence in SL. Polite people would send a private IM saying something like "don't look now but your cock is showing," but not her. She cackles out loud, and in public chat does the SL equivalent of point and laugh--charming indeed.

This afternoon is the wedding. For the sake of the Bride and Groom who really are lovely people, I am just hoping that "Ms. Manners" manages not to: A) be late, or B) insult any guests.

I remember a co-worker once telling me that "every little girl dreams of her wedding day. . ." and I wondered what was wrong with me that I really didn't give a damn about the day, but I had some really clear visions of what the any man who wants to tie me down had to be! Somehow in this whole "wedding thing," it seems to me that people get crazy and get all hung up on dresses and tuxes and cakes and invitations and forget about the lovers. If you ask me, that misses the entire point of what real love should be about. N'est pas?

To be continued . . . Tune in tomorrow for "Part 2: the Big Day"

Friday's Song: "It Won't Rain All the Time" by Jane Silberry

We walked the narrow path,
beneath the smoking skies.
Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
between darkness and light.
Do you have faith
in what we believe?
The truest test is when we cannot,
when we cannot see. . . .

. . . Oh, when I'm lonely,
I lie awake at night
and I wish you were here.
I miss you.
Can you tell me
is there something more to believe in?
Or is this all there is?

. . . Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms,
whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still believe--
but then the emptiness of a burning sea
against which we sail
our darkest of sadnesses--
until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.

When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?

Song for the day: "Temptation" Diana Krall

Diana Krall is amazingly sexy and really does justice here to Tom Waits' song, which seems so appropriate to Second Life where everything is smoke and dreams. . . .

Rusted brandy in a diamond glass
everything is made from dreams
time is made from honey slow and sweet
only the fools know what it means
temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist

Oh I know that he is made of smoke
but I've lost my way
he knows that I am broke
but I must pay
temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist

Dutch pink and Italian blue
he's there waiting for you
my will has disappeared
now confusion is oh so clear
temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist

Song for a New Day: "We Belong Together"

Many times I've tried to tell you
Many times I've cried alone
Always I'm surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone

Don't want to leave you really
I've invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

Chorus:

We belong to the light
We belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words
We've both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We belong, we belong
We belong together

Maybe its a sign of weakness
When I don't know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn't know
What to do with my strength anyway
Have we become a habit
Do we distort the facts
Now there's no looking forward
Now theres no turning back
When you say

(chorus)

Close your eyes and try to sleep now
Close your eyes and try to dream
Clear your mind and do your best
To try and wash the palette clean
We cant begin to know it
How much we really care
I hear your voice inside me
I see your face everywhere
Still you say

(chorus)

Song for this week: "You Lift Me Up" by Josh Groban

An unusual pairing: Josh Groban's beautiful voice singing a song with lyrics that speak to me; add to that a Japanese anime version of Romeo and Juliet. And yet, on so many levels, it works for me. The Romeo of my dreams, on a mountain top. Who could ask for more?

A song for my man: "When You Say You Love Me"

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.

When you say you love me,
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me,
For a moment, there's no one else alive.

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel
sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me
For a moment there's no one else alive.

And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me
In that moment I know why I'm alive.

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

Locker Room Lingo, Pick-up Lines, Flirtation, and SL

I was cruising through the archive of The Word Nerds, a podcast about words, language, and why we say the things we do, and came across Locker-room Lingo, Pickup Lines, and Flirtation (episode 52) in which Dave and Howard discussed the language of flirtation and sex. It is fascinating to think about the language, the euphemisms, we chose for discussing sex. The ones I find particularly peculiar use animal metaphors for masturbation: spanking the monkey, walking the dog, and for sex: bash the beaver, feed the kitty, riding the pink pony. Sadly, these odd and interesting, but highly unromantic!, locker room phrases just go on forever. The Word Nerds suggest that we do not grow out of the high school locker room lingo just by getting older. I hate to say it but my experience in SL has lead me to believe this is true. In a virtual world like SL where lovemaking is word-driven, the choices we make in language become critical to how we both view and are viewed by others. So how should we use language to approach sex?

Pick up lines, the Word Nerd boys tell us, need to be quick, catchy and imply that the object of the pick-up is attractive and interesting. those kind of lines are (again, sadly) few and far between. There are over 14 million hits on Google for pickup lines, and one site, by Matthew Montoya, even categorizes pick-up lines, the dumber/cruder of which fall under: Worthy of Beavis and Butthead (Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.), Straight to the Point (Hey, Baby, Wanna get lucky?), Cheese (What's your sign?), and What? (I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?). My personal favorite category is the Left Field Approach which includes the [sarcasm mode on] sparkling wit of lines like: "I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?" and "Is it cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's?" Just for future reference for all you guys who think any of these sound good, that crunch you just heard and the pain you are feeling is her knee connecting to your groin.

So how do you get to talk to the pretty girl? You are gonna have to go for creative without crude. I know may involve brains, but pull yours out and dust it off and give it a shot. Howard mentioned a success he had with a girl who had the name Phoebe on her name tag. He said, "Did you know the name Phoebe means bright and shining?" And as he said it he saw the light come on in her eyes and the interest flaring. I can tell you from personal experience that asking or talking to someone about their name is almost a sure thing. You are demonstrating attraction in a way that says you are neither crude, nor overloaded with clichés and that you are actually thinking about the person, that you want to know her, and you are not just thinking about getting into her pants.

Howard and Dave said, and I highly agree, that where flirtation works best is where you just speak normally to someone and talk about normal topics. Get her attention with a sincere compliment. Try putting yourself out there and connecting on subjects you may have in common. Good flirtation involves the same behavior as making friends. Being charming, putting your best behavior on, making yourself likable. Being real.

Remember the manners you mother said were important your first day of kindergarden? They still are. Be polite. Don't touch someone, even virtually, unless you ask first. Say please and thank you. Share the toys--don't hog the conversation airing your personal dirty laundry, ask them about themselves. You fear you are not interesting enough? Do you read, go to movies, listen to music? Bring up a book, film, or song lyrics and share what you like about them. In SL you can mention interesting places you have seen in-world. If you can't think of any of these things then maybe you need to re-think how you are spending all your time! And for godsakes don't let the first words out of your mouth be to brag about your bedroom skills! Flirtation is about innuendo--implying sensitivity and sensuality without saying sex.

Whether your goal is to add to your friends list or to score a one-night stand or to find the girl of your dreams, remember, the locker-room humor and crude behavior doesn't cut it. In SL, or in RL.

Special thanks to Dave and Howard for their wisdom and advice. In case you are interested, The Word Nerds can be found at Podcast News Feed: http://thewordnerds.org/rss

A song from last night: Nightwish's "Come Cover Me"

"Come wet a widow`s eye
Cover the night with your love
Dry the rain from my beaten face
Drink the wine the red sweet taste of mine

Come cover me with you
For the thrill
Till you will take me in
Come comfort me in you
Young love must
Live twice only for us

For me
For you
Time devours passion`s beauty
With me
With you
In war for the love of you
(Tonight any dream will do)

Not a world but your fine grace
Seduction in sleepwalker`s land
November dressed in May on your face
Holding us now the lovecropper`s hand

Come cover me with you..."

Quote for tonight: from Kahlil Gibran

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

--from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

Another love song: "Mystic´s Dream" by Loreena McKennitt

this one is for the black birds...

A clouded dream on an earthly night
Hangs upon the crescent moon
A voiceless song in an ageless light
Sings at the coming dawn
Birds in flight are calling there
Where the heart moves the stones
It's there that my heart is longing
All for the love of you

A painting hangs on an ivy wall
Nestled in the emerald moss
The eyes declare a truce of trust
And then it draws me far away
Where deep in the desert twilight
Sand melts in pools of the sky
When darkness lays her crimson cloak
Your lamps will call me home

And so it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
And now I feel you move
Every breath is full
So it's there my homage's due
Clutched by the still of the night
Even the distance feels so near
All for the love of you.

Chanson du Matin: "I Won't Last A Day Without You"

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you