Quote du Jour: Philip Linden on love

Love is the most subtle and complex emotion. It can be experienced at peak intensity only with the full power of the human intellect and in the calm of a fearless and lucid mind. The direction of evolution is toward love. --Philip Linden, founder of Second Life and of Lovemachine:  http://www.lovemachineinc.com/tao-of-lovemachine/


Philip is talking about the impetus behind his new company, Lovemachine, a sort of cross between a Twitterish feed and a merit/kudos employee reward system. In effect it acts like in-house LinkedIn recomendations. A nice idea. But what he says here has a great deal of merit. 


Love is complex, and uncontrollable. I'm not talking about lust here--that is the unpredictable response to biological stimuli, I am talking about the internal feel good you get from loving someone. Love doesn't have to be requited to be real. You can love someone even when they don't love you. Then again, when someone loves you, really loves you and demonstrates that love, over and over, it is difficult not to love back. 


Love does not take place in the groin, that's lust. And lust is a fine thing, too. You got mutual lust going with someone, go ahead, have a great time. Love, however, is that feeling that you can't live without knowing that the other is happy. Their well-being takes precedent over your own. Lust is about you. Love is about him, or her. 


Just as Philip says, love needs a lucid mind. Love is when you see the other clearly--all their flaws, all their faults, and you still love.  Love happens in the heart, and in the head. The very best sex ever is not love unless your head and heart, your mind and soul are engaged. And to be honest--the best sex involves the head as well as the heart. The imagination as well as the body. When both the heartt and head are involved it is so much more than just sex. It is that perfect connection between two people that transcends everything. If you find it, cherish it. It is priceless. If you lose it, you will know it was love by the unfillable hole left behind.

Meeting Mr. Wrong

Last night I got IMed by a fellow I have seen a couple times over the last few weeks. He's the kind of guy who likes to push buttons by saying outrageous things and seeing how a girl will react. So invariably he asks for sex. He also always makes sure to tell me that he never, ever pays for sex, that he doesn't even tip dancers, and that he is poor and doesn't "believe" in Lindens (SL money), whatever that means. Most of the girls at the club have given up on him as a cheapskate, but he's kind of cute, charming and witty even if outrageous, and he's fun to flirt with. So when he asked me to teleport him to my place for a blow job, I tp'ed him to Blue Noise instead. We danced and flirted. Somewhere during the course of the conversation he mentioned he is married in real life. This is not something that bothers me--married or not, it is between him and his wife what he does outside of their relationship. But then he wanted to know if I was married, single, or divorced. Why did that matter, I wondered?

Now, I've given him my perspective on marriage before: It's a great institution, but who wants to be in an institution! Personally I think marriage is good for the protection of children--a safe place to grow up with 2 parents. But if you don't have kids, what is the point of tying yourself down? Most of the time in marriage it is the woman whose freedom is limited by the expectations of society ("Good girls don't") while the man can come and go and play where he pleases ("Boys will be boys").

Think about this: can you come up with one positive word that describes a sexually active woman? No! They are all negative terms. Sexually active women are called sluts, whores, skanks, and tramps. Or we are described by our genitals: cunts, beaver, poon, pussies. The only "good" adjectives to describe women and sex together imply being asexual or having our sexuality controlled by men: maiden, virgin, wife. Even terms like mistress, concubine, paramour, have a negative flavor, indicating women engaged in sex with one man outside the bounds of matrimony. And, Ladies, if you dare to expect to be paid for sex you are a prostitute, no matter how you dress it up (escort, call girl, courtesan). Now try to think of a negative term for a sexually active man--there are none. Men are studs, stallions, or players. Their sexuallity is applauded!

So maybe I shouldn't have been surprised when my friend last night said he'd be uncomfortable with his RL wife having virtual sex in SL, and yet felt fine about chasing SL "tail" himself. Later he qualified that by saying that only casual SL sex was okay, it isn't cheating since it is all a fantasy. I pointed out that there are real people here, the only thing that is a fantasy is the setting. But he was adamant. Casual fuck? Okay. Get emotionally involved in SL? That would be "an affair," thus not acceptible. He seemed pretty pleased that I wasn't looking for a relationship or marriage--that put me in the "non-affair just a fuck" category, I guess.

That was the point at which I dropped to my knees and started to give him a virtual blow job--but he stopped me. His comment was: "Oh, you are one of those!" Now what? Was he having second thoughts about "cheating"? He wanted sex? He didn't want sex? Seems he wanted to be in charge. Its okay to try to seduce a woman and talk her into sex, but if she initiates it. . . . Here's the problem. Our society doesn't expect women to be sexually active or (heaven forfend!) sexually aggressive. Despite the sexual revolution of the 1960s-70s and the ground-breaking work of researchers like Kinsey, there is still an inherently parochial, even puritan attitude about female sexuality in America. And apparently in this fellow, too. Even in SL.

A Song for the Weekend: "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder

Second Life Places To Visit: Grendel's Children Revisited

A week ago I told you about a lovely sim called Grendel's Children, well . . . since then I have had the chance to revisit that place, explore it further, and it is even more impressive than I thought. Grendel's is the brainchild of Flea Bussy who has made a secondlife career of unique avatar design. From dragons to dark fae, robots to raptors, sirens to succubi, trolls to tanks, you can find anything you can envision becoming in Grendel's. In a recent interview with Not Possible in Real Life, Flea says that: "I'm one of those people who's bread and butter is imagination. I always wanted to make, say, 'stuff for video games,' a very common dream of teens 'n such, 'n then you grow up realizing it's not easy, and not like you'll just get scooped up by some game company 'n be all hailed. And, over a bit of time, I realized I'd hate (it) if all the things I invented existed as they do in 90% of games to: 'just kill it.'" Fortunately for us, Flea diecovered Second Life. Now, 4 sims and 800 avatars later, here's Grendel's Children with Flea and a staff of 23 builders cranking out some of the coolest avs in SL, as well as building and nmaintaining a vast and gorgeous landscape to role play those marvelous creations in.

This is me in my new Lust Demon hair, eyes, and wings from the av collection there.

There are three floors of skybox shops in Grendel's, and all the avs come with full pacakges of skins, shapes, hair, eyes, and clothing--most of them for under $100, and many of them for free.

Don't just take my word for it!

• See some of the amazing pictures of Grendel's on Arahan Claveau's Flickr set.
• Read Natalia Zelmanov's extensive post about Grendel's Children in her Mermaid Diaries!
• See what Lillie Guildenstern has to say about the sim and her new siren av in her Lilikin's Blog.

And then just go visit it yourself in Avaria!