Famous Courtesans of History: Lalage of Rome

Homer mentioned her in an ode, saying:

"That smile so sweet, that voice so sweet,
Shall still enchant me."

Kipling dedicated an entire poem to her power over men:

It’s twenty-five marches to Narbo,

It’s forty-five more up the Rhone,

And the end may be death in the heather

Or life on an Emperor’s throne.

But whether the Eagles obey us,

Or we go to the Ravens—alone,

I’d sooner be Lalage’s lover

Than sit on an Emperor’s throne!

But who was she? Legend has it that Lalage was a courtesan of ancient Rome, a woman of beauty, wit, charm, and power in a patriarchal society. But if truth be told, no one really knows if there was a woman such as Kipling's Lalage. We do know that the ancient Greeks had a class of courtesans called hetairae, women who were not just prostitutes or ordinary paid sex workers, but rather educated and highly intellectual, and invariably foreign, women. We also know that the hetaira of Greece and Syria eventually became the meretrices of Rome. What were these women and why were they better than ordinary prostitutes?

In his Dialogues of the Courtesans, Lucian (second century AD) relates an exchange between two friends about a successful courtesan: "In the first place, she dresses attractively and looks neat; she's gay with all the men, without being so ready to cackle as you are, but smiles in a sweet bewitching way; later on, she's very clever when they're together, never cheats a visitor or an escort, and never throws herself at the men. If ever she takes a fee for going out to dinner, she doesn't drink too much--that's ridiculous, and men hate women who do--she doesn't gorge herself--that's ill-bred, my dear--but picks up the food with her finger-tips, eating quietly and not stuffing both cheeks full, and, when she drinks, she doesn't gulp, but sips slowly from time to time. . . . Also, she doesn't talk too much or make fun of any of the company, and has eyes only for her customer. These are the things that make her popular with the men. Again, when it's time for bed, she'll never do anything coarse or slovenly, but her only aim is to attract the man and make him love her; these are the things they all praise in her."

Rome made a fine art of licensed prostitution all the way up through the Renaissance. Influenced by the hetairea brought back to the city from wars, class divisions arose among the various women engaged in prostitution. According to Marcellus, "This is the difference between a meretrix [courtesan] and a prostibula [ a common streetwalker]: a meretrix is of a more honorable station and calling; for meretrices are so named a merendo (from earning wages) because they plied their calling only by night; prostibulu because they stand before the stabulum (stall) for gain both by day and night."

The courtesans of ancient Rome were real and many. Roman men turned to their slave women for basic sexual gratification, to wives to provide them with children, but it was to the courtesans, the foreign hetairea to whom they turned for comfort, companionship and, indeed, for romance. These women may have held more power through their patrons than even the matrons of Rome. And whether or not one of them named Lalage was a vision in the heart of the ordinary Roman soldier as Kipling's beautiful poem claims, there is no doubt that her trade was a thriving one with over 40 different terms for the registration of prostitution in Rome alone.

The name Lalage literally means to talk, and likely--if there was a real Lalage--it was for her mind and her conversation she was beloved, not just for her body. That, gentlemen, is all the difference between a courtesan and a prostitute.

The SL-Babe Strikes Again!

Remember a week or so ago when I told you that SL Babes picked up one of my photos from Flickr? Well, yours truly has again made the pages of the best Babes website ever! This time in a bikini. . . .
So if you love me (and I hope you do) you'll head on over to SL-Babes and vote for my photo!

And while you are cruisin' their site you can also vote for other hot babes you like too! Some of my favorites are: a dreamy Cleopatra with whom I am sharing the front page today, my friend Callie looking sexy at a haunted house, a beautifully lit blonde on a chair, a tattoed Samurai girl, a dark-haired babe with a great ass and a jeweled outfit to die for, and a great boudoir scene!

You can also vote for my other photos there if you feel the urge. . . .


Chilling in the Kamasutra Temple,

Dancing at Blue Noise,

or at home playing games.
And to all of you who've voted for me already. . . (blows you a kiss) Smooch!

Gorgeous Blonde Tsai with G-String Playing Chess to Win

You may have noticed that I have a Picasa web album (that little scrolling slide show to your right?) Well, I also regularly post some of my photos to groups I belong to in Flickr. Today this photo got picked up by the website SL-Babes!

And I got this sweet message from Angelus: "This wonderful Picture was added to SL Babes - The finest Babes and virtual Women from Second Life. Please post your best SL Babes Snapshots to www.flickr.com/groups/sl-babes/." (Tsai blows a kiss to Angelus!)

So now if you all head on over to SL-Babes at http://www.sl-babes.com/2008-01-03/gorgeous-blond-tsai-with-g-string-playing-chess-to-win/ you can vote for my pic! Vote for the other hot babes you like there, too. There are some pretty gorgeous chicks and some fantastic photographers in SL!

For those of you who are interested in such things:

The dress is "Maia Rose" from Deadly Nightshade by Jennyfur Peregrine
The necklace is “Soulmate Locket Choker” From Isle of Mists by Ashira Legien
The thigh high boots are from DE Designs
The thong is “Black Lace” by Domino Fashions
The game table and chairs are from Bird of Prey by Draven Sautereau

Worst SL Pick-up Lines

There is a closed thread on SL Forums called "Best/Worst Pick-up Lines in SL." Now I know I have discussed this issue before, but some of this is just so damn funny it cries out to be shared. If you go to the thread there is a lot of fun banter among the posters discussing social etiquette in SL as well as sharing the worst they have heard. I found the 23 page (no shit) long thread a fun read for a snowed in Saturday afternoon.

Several people mentioned they had experienced the kind of lines we have all heard, the traditional noob approach, including: "You're beautiful. Wanna fuck?" or (delivered with enthusiastic hope) "We will have sex now! Yes?"

Then there are the broken English (or just limited lexical/grammatical skill) variants: "mak fuk?" and "u r hot. i wan fuk u." and (my favorites) "make sexies now plz?" or "Oh hai! I can has sex wid u now?"

Regarding language, I am in total agreement here with Trout, who said: "The weird thing is that the intimacy and the primary point of sex in SL is what is being said through IMs, chat or even voice. I refuse to believe it's avatars humping on poseballs. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's only part of the fantasy that is being mutually created by the people involved--without the words, it's like watching a movie with the sound off. If the people involved don't speak the same language, how on earth are they going to enjoy the experience? If I were out fooling around with random people, I wouldn't even think to approach someone who doesn't speak English. I can scratch out a little German and some Spanish, but after I count to ten, order a beer and ask where the train station and the bathroom is, I'm pretty much done with them. 'Heh--Eins, zwei, drei, Ich bin Trout. Dos Cervesas. Donde esta la Bana? Mak fuk?' I can't see that as being much fun. . . . it's stupid to try to hit on someone in SL in a language which you do not speak fluently. . . . If you get the language right, it's going to take forever to get through it, and unless you're having weird tantric all-day-long sex with Sting, who has that kind of time?"

As for just plain bad pick-up lines, the fun folks on the SL Forum thread contributed these:

These three get a couple of points for attempted wit: "Hi Red...I'm Blue...I know a couple of poseballs with our names on them" (contributed by Merielle). "Is that a sculptie in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" (contributed by Ylikone). "You are over a year old, that's hot" (contributed by Foehn).

Guaranteed to be taken as a compliment (not): "I love your boobs. I don't like them big" (contributed by Alesia). Followed by its converse: "Hey babe...did you slide those yourself?" (contributed by Giz).

Let's not forget Vampire pick up lines: "Hey baby where have you been all my undeath?" (contributed by Collette).

And one more for the ESL grouping: "Are you agree to give pleausure to me, showing your breasts..? ;-)" (contributed by Taylor). In another post Damianos pointed out that: "When looking for a date, Babelfish is a terrible wingman...."

My own personal all-time favorite bad pick-up line was from a fellow wearing only strategically placed straps who came up to me and said: "You look like you need a master. Are you looking for a master?" To which I responded: "If I was I am certain it wouldn't be someone with your charming approach and subtle sense of romance." He just said, "Okay." Then thanked me for the compliment (compliment? sheesh!) and left. Sarcasm is wasted on some people.

There are, however, men out there in SL who have that certain je ne sais quoi. The ones who know what to say, know when to say it, and have something (taste? tact? poise? manners?) that is also probably working for them in RL as well. So, just to leave you on a lighter note, here are some pick-up lines that worked:

Oryx tells of a fellow who walked up to her in a club and asked, "Anyway a newbie in a bad tuxedo could get a girl like you to dance with him?" She says she couldn't resist that and had a nice evening of dancing with the fellow.

Max's story is from the noob's perspective: "My first day in SL, I stopped at a waterfront home and walked in (hey, I didn't know it wasn't right to do that), anyway, there was a woman there changing clothes with no top on. I said 'Did you know you have no top on?' Well of course nothing happened then, I wasn't out for the sex thing, I didn't even know there was sex in SL at the time, that's how new I was. . . one thing led to another and, after many ups and downs, we are not only married in SL, but engaged in RL. Gave her a one carat diamond ring just last weekend."

My own two best pick-up lines come from men who turned out not be not only erudite and witty, but sexy, romantic lovers as well. One was on a crowded boardwalk where a Spanish speaking noob was looking for help. When I sadly told him I didn't speak any Spanish, only French, a good-looking fellow stepped up and began speaking to the noob in Spanish. Thinking the situation was well in hand, I made to move on when the handsome one said: "Don't leave, you are the most beautiful thing I've seen in SL." What girl could resist a line like that? We are still close friends.

The other best line came from a man who asked me about my name, but since I've told that story before I won't go into it again--suffice to say, girls, that when you find the man who uses the right line, who is creative and intelligent and has a romantic soul, who can make you feel special as well as drive you crazy . . . hang on to him for all you are worth!

cross-posted to Viscious Studios by Vicious Tsai Jie

How Not to Charm a Girl in SL by Lashxevious

Poking about the Blogosphere this morning I encountered Lashxevious, another SL blogger with a great sense of humor. Here's her take on how not to go about picking up chicks in SL:

How not to Charm a girl in SL by lashxevious
. . . Anyway, here are some things about SL guys that annoy me.

1. Moving too fast. SL is good for flirting. And flirting is fun! So why the hell ruin it by going into "Exclusive boyfriend" mode? That whole dancing the girl around and giving her the "I think I'm falling for you" spiel ... yeah, we know that line. And we know that's bullshit, especially if the most you've known the girl is 2 weeks and the most extensive conversation you've had was how much work your boss gave you. Usually if she does give it to you, she's just as ready to use you and spit you out, so well ... at least those fickle feelings are mutual.

2. Cheesy, Lame Casanovary. So you tp'd her to "Lover's Ultimate Uber Snuggly Heavenly Paradise Nirvana Utopia" where cuddle balls float atop primmy clouds and caves behind waterfalls harbour sexgen beds with 524,986 different poses where you can work your kamasutra mastery. Dude. It's. Not. Fun. Any girl worth her weight in online gaming will not think a laggy stroll through White Outline Tree park is fun. Fun is where there is opportunity for hilarity and goofiness. Let her whip out the katanas and spend an hour or so plummeling each other and throwing out cheesy kungfu dialog. She gets to be aggressive, you can be a man. It's flirty, it's friendly, and is about the closest you'll get to foreplay at the moment.

3. Having the audacity to think you can dress her better. Unless you were raised from birth by a pack of knowledgeable, posh fashion experts, there's no friggin chance in a mealyworm's rectum that you would know how to dress a woman. 9 times outta 10, that store you're taking her to is a direct replica of the Skanky Stripper 101 catalog. Now I wanna be sexy like anybody else, but there's sexy and there's skanky. Skanky is not hygienic. And giving her money to buy these things doesn't earn you points either becuz SHE HATES IT.

4. IM Whoring. Another peeve of mine. You invite the girl over and as soon as she is standing in front of you, you slump into a catatonic state. Head darting to and fro, revealing all too well the signs of IM ADD. Dude, if you invite her over, anyone over, pay attention to that person, since they obviously agreed to be pulled away from whatever it was they were doing to look at your sorry mug. If you can't be gracious enough to follow through with the invite, continue on with your precious IM's ... ALONE, ya spacey bastard.

5. Getting too sappy. I hate these lines: "I never felt this way before"-"I'm amazed by you"-"I love you now and forever" and UGH I can't continue on cuz the bile is rising up my throat. First of all, if ya wanna say such nonsense go to a karaoke bar during Lionel Ritchie night. And second, it's scientifically known that too much sap on an ass can actually lead to a nasty burn. And any guy that gets really sappy during cyber sex is just weird. Get out and bang some real flesh already. Sex is not about doves singing and feelings soaring to the heavens. WTF.

6. You nasty POS. It goes both ways. Being too perverted, too technical. Anytime colon, perineum, bubble, and whisk is combined into a sentence GTFO. Okay, okay, let's say the girl you're with is just awesomely arousing to you, that aint no excuse. Stop trying to hump her every time she merely smirks your way. Hi, babe *humps your face* How's your day, hun? *humps your face* Umm, wanna just do my leg? I'm trying to build here. *cums*

7. Dragging in the muthaeffin entourage. I don't get how one person can have 16 different best friends all of the opposite gender and insist he's not screwing around with any of them. If he's straight anyway. Nothing ruins a moment faster than teleporting in 2 of your "gal pals" while snuggling the girl you're supposedly wooing. No, she will not trust you. No, she's not impressed you know someone who makes hair. Let's flip the tables on your ass and see how it feels when two random guys pop in to watch.

8. Prissy Lil Know-It-All. I know I'm not perfect. I don't have an answer for everything. I'll say I dunno, or just don't care. I'm a typo-du-jour. And I appreciate a good critique or sensible tip to guide me to bettering what I'm doing. But I do not like being corrected all the freaking time. To even go as far as correcting a wisecrack is not cool either. Just shows you have no sense of sarcasm and got a major stick up your butt. Smart guys are awesome if they're not acting like pricks due to their intelligence. Showing off those brains might mean you're compensating for something anyway, like CHARM.

9. Muscley-Caveman-Fabio drool. Ah, aren't I just the pickiest? I can't talk to these types. "U want dance" Umm was that a question or a statement? "Me laik U" In what sense? Species? Evolution? Prolly not the former. "U want sex?????//" Oh dear god ... just zap out my genitals now lest I accidentally procreate with this thing. Talk dammit. Talk right. I like guys who know how to spell or at least try. So what he spelled "triangulate" wrong, he at least has the brain cells to use it in a sentence. I know some guys who can pull off the abbreviated way of chatting well. It's cuz they make up for it in wit and overall expression of thought. So do the short hand type, but just make some frigging sense. SL is all about communicating, typing won't be phased out by Voice anytime soon.

10. Desecrating Dante. You know who you are. Or the people around you know what you have done. What is with these guys that have extremely bulky shoulders and teeny heads that remind me of the buckets at the dime casino. Bucketheads. What possesses you to make yourself grotesquely unproportionate? Muscles maxxed to 100. Arm length 30. Foot size 100++. And if that's not enough, you use DANTE to cover your obtuse features. Look at the damn poster when you buy that skin. You can't possibly think there's a similarity. Dante alone won't help you. And poor Dante, so beautiful, and so abused.

Here's a tip: the tip of your fingers should be touching midway down your thigh. Your hand should be a lil over half the length of your forearm. You buckethead should be more than 50 size. Your feet-coinpurse-muscles should never be 100.

Or just wear an intricate robot avie or something. Deformed human forms distract me from focusing on the personality since in my head I'm tweaking things. Give me nightmares why don't ya.

And there ya go, I guess there is more, but they're more about nuances I find in RL. I just wrote this at work to kill time. I needed something to amuse myself. >.<

You rock, Lash! Hey, boys? Hope you are paying attention!