Where I have been. Where I am. Where I am going.

I had an urge to blog today. Had to remember my password. Had to find my login. And then I look at my last post and, lo!, it has been five years since I have been here! FIVE years! Where has time gone? So much water under so many bridges.

I stopped posting all those years ago because it was too painful. If you recall, I was once upon a time deeply in love with a man in SL (let's call him Boston). It affected my RL. He had an RL with a wife and kids. So he broke it off with me. And I was broken. Devastated. Funny how rejection from someone many states away could so greatly affect my both my lives, SL and RL. The last time I spoke to him was well over 6 years ago. Since then I have come to understand the wisdom in the way he broke it off (cold turkey) with me. I have also come to question how much this affair was a fantasy (perhaps of my imagining more than his).

Water under a bridge... mostly. I miss him still. But I think he was wise to dump me hard.

Why? Because over the last five years, my RL Beloved has been having an affair with a woman (call her Michigan) several states away. Much as Boston and I did, my RL man sends cute romantic texts to her, tells her he loves her, has become emotionally attached. Just as Boston made it patently clear to me (all through our brief virtual affair) that he was not leaving his wife, so Best Beloved makes it clear to Michigan that he is not leaving me and that they are just flirty friends.

The irony here is that I know all about Michigan, just as Best Beloved knew all about Boston. (Although, I do not think D ever confessed about me to his wife--or if he did I wonder how he explained it? She means nothing? It was just a game?) The two love affairs are both remarkably similar and completely different.

Let's be clear here, my RL man did have a physical RL affair with real, not virtual sex. It was just one weekend in a hotel in Toledo. When he came home he confessed all. I lost my shit and told him he had to end it with her. He did and he didn't. She moves in a group of people with whom we are RL friends. I can't help bumping into her at various functions. She has told me he is her "soul mate." He says she is "just a good friend." But he continues to talk to her and flirt with her. And this last summer things got physical again. Not sex. Just kissy face and patty finger physical. But it hurt. I considered leaving him and he lost his shit. Doesn't want to lose me. We spent time in counseling. I have spent a lot of the last five years being real. 

I probably should be happy Beloved is honest with me. But what it really means is if he can have his fantasy life with her in emoticons in text messages and a series of what if or if only conversations, he is good with that. He has his cake at home, me, and he is eating it too, with her.

Some of my bridges are washing away in the flood....

And this Dear Reader is why I have not been writing. Life is all confusing. Do I still love him? Not sure. Am I lonely. Oh yeah. Because while S is busy emoting with P, he is not talking to me. We move like ghosts through this big house. Living separate lives together.

Stay tuned for how This Girl went back to looking for love in SL while she makes decisions about RL....

Another (HOT) Gorean Man

Today I went to MysticHope to get a new outfit. My friend Noir had picked this one up the other day and I wanted one for myself. So there I am looking for the outfit to try it on when I find the cuffs and anklets I bought the other day. They came with a chastity belt. I tried on the belt and Poof! My skirt disappears. And just at that point when I am standing there half-naked, this gorgeous hunk of a Master walks up and asks me a question. Yup. Not my finest moment. So I scramble back into my skirt and talk to him.

He was looking for the Freebie chairs. See Kira Lavendel makes some awesome outfits and until yesterday she had several in lucky chairs in the store. But she's redoing the place right now, and so she took them down. While we are discussing the chairs, up comes this 'princess' (seriously, that was in her name! I mean, who does that!) all in pink silks and tattoos. My first thought is shit--he has a first girl. (All the good ones do.) But I guess she was just asking the same question because, much to my relief, she wandered off again. She was far too Barbie for this guy anyway.

The Master who was looking for the chairs, flirted with me, and me--being the bad girl and lousy slave that I am--flirted back. (I know, I'm supposed to be loyal to my new Master, but honestly, it has been only three days and minimal contact and it's not like it was all love at first rape with him!) Besides, this new guy was hot. All bulging thews and naked chest.... He was fun to tease. And he teased back. Points for him!

Sidebar: There are a lot of men out there who get all BTB and chest-thumpy when a slave addresses them directly, doing a whole: "You, beast/slut/whore, kneel before my Masterly might" routine, which--to me--defeats the whole purpose of role play. How the hell am I going to get spanked if I don't mouth off and give you the opportunity for "discipline"? 

It was refreshing to have a man tangle his hands in my hair and want to touch my "perky breasts" and still exchange witty repartee without belittling the girl. It was even more refreshing that he respected that I was already collared. (Dammit.)

Here's the thing. A girl likes to know she is beautiful. Be told she is desirable. Wants conversation, because, Hell, this is a virtual world. All we really have is conversation. You can tell me all you want that you are touching my thingy with your thingy, but if you haven't reached my mind--my imagination--you haven't touched me.

Master Hotstuff made me smile, and made me feel all tingly in all the right places. He touched me.

He also told me he would one day collar me. Take me. And the way he said it made me blush in RL as well as in SL! And then, he took a picture of me in the new outfit (into which I finally fumbled my ass). He titled it "Randy's soon to be bond, Tsai Jie."

Seriously hot. (The claim, I mean.)

He sailed off leaving me with a parting admonition to write to him every day (also hot). And I think I just might do that. For now, I'll just sit here a while and enjoy not wiping the smile off my face.

How NOT to make a Good Impression on a Woman

Phat Cats (1), originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.

Went to Phat Cats on Monday because my friend Thorgal sent out an invite. Lovely place, great music, and elegant (if laggy) surroundings. Since Thor was busy dancing with Molly, I jumped on a pink ball with a nice looking fellow named Lawrence (for reasons you will see below, I am leaving off his last name, but just let me say he must be related to a certain Godfather). His profile gave his rez day back in 2006, so this was no noob--even though he acted like one.

We introduced ourselves and took a few sweeping turns around the floor when he asked: "How old are you?" I made some non-committal noises about never asking a lady her age, but next he wanted to know vital statistics: Height, weight, hair color, cup size. This took me a bit aback and at first I started answering: "Yes, real blonde, longish hair, 5'3" ... C cup, if you must know...." but he wouldn't stop. Wanted the age. Wanted the weight. While giving out those is not generally a problem for me it just bugged me that he kept pushing.

Hell, I had already handed him an RL photo of me that I have tucked in my SL photo album, but due to the lag he said it wouldn't rezz for him. I pointed out that this questioning was rude behavior in SL where many people prefer to keep RL info private and we are all an illusion anyway. I mean WTF?

I thought I might convince him that there is more to a person than looks so I told him I wanted answers to a couple questions, too. Asked about his favorite authors, books he's read, movies, music. Shared my own tastes in those departments--something he did not seem interested about at all. But he kept returning to age. Now I was getting pissed.

Eventually I said okay. Told him I was "born in the year of the Dragon." Took him a couple minutes to Wikipedia that, but then he came back with the date ranges for YotD over the last century and he wanted to know which Dragon: Fire, Wood, Water? By now I was so done with this that I told him was I born in 1904.  And he still wouldn't quit pushing.

Finally I told him: "Assume I am either 1) Young, moderately pretty, and grossly overweight or that I am 2) older than you, gorgeous, and thin as a rail. You pick which you prefer." (Just for the curious, I do not fit either of those profiles--you can think of me as average!)  That, too, was not good enough and he persisted with the questions. I finally thanked him for the dance, told him it had been interesting--because I had learned so much more about the man he was by his questions than he had learned from me. Jumped off the pose balls and left.

I am sure I will be back to Phat Cats, but you won't catch me dancing with Larry there (or anywhere else) ever again!

Phat Cats (2), originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.

The Good / The Not So Good

It has been an odd week and a half for me. Some good, some not so good.

Not good: I lost my best friend. We'd had fights before. But I guess I always had faith that the friendship would survive. We'd blow up, then we'd talk. This time? Not so much. He's gone.

Good: I discovered some things about myself. I am an incurable optimist. I still believe that love and friendship can survive anything if both sides are willing to try. I still hope that someday we can be friends again.

Not good: I lost the only place I ever called home in SL. I should have known it was coming. I did know. But it still felt like getting a rug pulled out from under me.

Good: I found new land in Zindra, in McGavet. I was only half-heartedly looking, but I found a parcel that the previous owner had named "Serendipity Cove." I figured that was too serendipitous to pass up. And the price was right. The tier was, too. So I bought it.

Not so good: I have no one to share it with.

Kind of good: Another thing I discovered about myself this week is that I am at heart a nest-builder. That will be no surprise to anyone who knows me in RL. I am forever making over, rearranging, remodeling, and shopping for my RL home. When stressed I tend to head for Pier 1, Bed Bath & Beyond, or Home Depot. Even changing the colors of the bathroom towels and soaps can make my day. So it should be no surprise that rebuilding in a new space in SL was fairly theraputic as well. And I needed that therapy.

Neither good nor bad: There is some irony in the fact that I (once again) made a romantic spot to hang out in SL. Dancing, cuddles, and even sex animations. Waterfalls, pools, and gardens. I did mention that I am an incurable optimist, didn't I? And even if the man I would most like to share it with is no longer interested in me, well, at least perhaps I can make a nice place for other lovers to visit, to play.

So keep watching, I'll post pictures as I change the seasons at Serendipity Cove and redecorate regularly. Feel free to come by with your loved one and enjoy the facilities, make yourself at home.

Quote of the Day

In a conversation today I heard the best quote from my man Silver!

"Some guys read Field and Stream. Me, I read Cosmo. Guess it all depends on what you are hunting."

Hey, boys! Pay attention here--he knows whereof he speaks!
(/me winks)

Where I am going, where I have been

I know... you are confused. Wondering how you got here and where it all went. Me too.

First I had the "Diary of a Second Life Courtesan" blog. Talked about Second Life, romance, dating, love, sex, history of sexuality, everything up to and including erotica. Very popular that blog.

Then my life went off on a tangent. (Men. Go figure.) Gave up the courtesan thing. The blog mutated into stories about my Second Life with one man, my friends, fashion, dancing. Later the roller coaster took a dive.

So that blog had to go away. (Yeah. For the man.) So far away that I deleted it ... mostly. Thing about writers is we back up shit all the time. Words. They are precious, you know. Sometimes words are all we have.

And you know me. I never stop writing for long. So next blog: "Dancing Through My Second Life." Talked about friendship, romance, and fashion, all that stuff I was still feeling but not mentioning names.

And I was happy again. So happy for a while that I didn't even have time to blog.

But things are changing again. (Yeah. Men.)

Last night I decided I was done accommodating the men in my life. I mean geez! What a sad sister I have become. Sit around and wait like a china doll on a shelf watching him as he loses interest. Be miserable, unfocused, no sense of reality. Make a choice. Give up one man to make the other one happy and wham! That one puts you back on the shelf too. WTF!

So this morning I decided screw it. I had 900 hits a day on the old Courtesan blog. Went down to 10 a month maybe on the Dancing blog. Here it is fellas. I'm going back to my good old bad ways.

Moved this whole shebang back over to http://tsaijie.blogspot.com/. Gonna write this blog here now. Maybe resurrect the advice from the Courtesan.

So I'm taking it one day at a time. And if the roller coaster takes a dive, well hell, there are lots of fish in the sea. RL? SL? Who knows. Mebbe I'll go be a Companion in a Firefly sim. No strings. No pain.

You see me in-world come say hi. We'll go dancing.

Clueless!

What do you do with a guy who just doesn't get it? Seth has a new GF, or maybe that is a potential GF. He brought her around to meet me. He thought we'd have things in common. He's right. Both English majors. Both into Brit Lit. But here's the thing. Seth starts blathering on to me about Natasha's RL life--things she has shared with him--and then immediately blathers to her about mine. Job, city, age, relationships . . . Oh, Seth. Bad, puppy, no biscuit!

The thing that makes SL fun is the anonymity of it all!

I suppose it is my own fault for sharing RL details with Seth, but hello! I wonder if he'd like it if I told his new lust object where he lives, or how old he is, or about his RL relationships?

Mostly the people in SL who know about my RL are the ones who are also IN my RL! And only very a few trusted others--Jamesen, Michael, Draven. Seth was on that list. Not anymore. LOL! See, Dude, you blew it. Gonna have to take back the key to the airship I've been letting him use after this stunt. (Or maybe I put a chat listening device in the floor and see what he does there and then post it here . . . hmmmm?)

OTOH, I like Natasha. I think she may just make a better friend than Seth!

Tuesday Afternoon

Tuesday, afternoon,

I'm just beginning to see,

Now I'm on my way,

It doesn't matter to me,

Chasing the clouds away.

Something, calls to me,

The trees are drawing me near,

I've got to find out why

Those gentle voices I hear

Explain it all with a sigh.

Tuesday afternoon is my new favorite time of the week. So many men, so little time. . . .

The good, the bad, and the beautiful

Odd day yesterday. Some very good things--I was given an amazing gift by a special lover. Some bad things--my desktop computer crashed and burned and is gone, which lead to an argument with another lover.

Bad: I lost track of what day was what, thus confusing my commitments. (I am told that is part of the "SL effect"--the phenomenon whereby things in SL seem more real than things in RL and--if you are not careful--your fantasy can take over your reality.)

Good: I got more (or better) sleep last night than I have had in a week.

Bad: So many men, So little time. Good: Amazing men! One who makes me feel beloved. One who makes me laugh, a lot, to whom I can talk about anything, even RL. One who looks out for me.

Bad: I need to go computer shopping. Good: I'd been planning on buying a new computer anyway, and have the cash. Bad: I have 2 weeks worth of not-backed up files on the hard drive I can't access. Good: I have a access to a great IT department. Bad: I don't have time for this. Good: I can buy more RAM and a better graphics card and a faster processor. Bad: if I buy off the shelf, I am stuck with Windows Vista and SL doesn't run in Vista (neither does my RL wireless access). And if I order, there is the wait. Good: ???

Ever have one of those days when your brain keeps going around in circles?

The Beautiful. . . On the other hand, it is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, remarkable thunderstorms last night cleared the air and watered my gardens. I have many beautiful friends, lovers--physically handsome people, with beautiful hearts, and incredible minds (yes, you ... you know who you are!). Life is good.

So my dears, remember the adage of Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

Come dance with me?

Dancing in Valis

Dancing in Valis
Originally uploaded by Tsai Jie

Ever meet one of those men in whose arms you could just melt? It is even better if you are dancing with a special friend in the sky in Valis.

GFs are a Girl's Best Friend

So last night was another night that I sat in SL hoping for someone to come online to play. I could have been writing, or cleaning (gonna have RL company in 2 weeks), or doing something useful. I guess I did do something useful, I moved the waterfall wall we have (thanks Jhai!) to block the view of the stupid fleamarket next door with its revolving yellow signs. Here is the thing, though: once upon a time women sat alone at home by the phone waiting for someone to call. Today women check their cell phones for messages a dozen times an hour, waiting for a text, an email, a message. And if we play in Second Life, now we watch the Friends Online like a hawk, or we sit in SL waiting. Why do we do that? Why don't we just get up and go do something on our own? Why do we need playmates at all? Remember that feminist rant from the 70s: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle?" Maybe we girls need to think like that again.

There I was feeling sorry for myself . . . no one to dance with, poor (sic!) me. Then Ash logged in. So we went to sit in Jhai's airship--it has a tea table set up in the nose where there is not only a great view, but you can sit and sip tea quietly and chat with a friend. We sat up drinking tea and chatting into the wee hours like a couple of teenagers. We talked about men and the problems of long-distance relationships. (Her boy, Wulf, is away this week and she will be away next week--no computer connections for two weeks! Somehow that made my troubles at the time pale in comparison.) We talked about places and furniture and clothes and even about airships. (Wulf has seen these and now he wants one.) It was a lovely evening. Girl talk. No boys.

So, ladies, next time you find yourself sitting by the phone (real or metaphoric) go hunt up a GF and hang. It is a much better way to pass the time.

The day I changed my profile

So here we are. Nearly spring. Three months into 2009. I know some of you have wondered why I haven't been writing as much as I used to. The answer is both simple and complex. Real life has kept me busy, sure. But my chosen second life has kept me even busier. Fact of the matter is that for some time now I have been too busy in SL not only to blog about it, but also to do most of the things I have done in the past. For one thing, I am not dancing in clubs anymore, no more stripping, no more escort jobs . . . no clients at all. In fact most of the places I used to work, Perfect Droom, Lotus Moon, Blue Noise, are all long gone (long in SL is, after all, often a matter of weeks. not years) or they are so changed as to be unrecognizable.

What!? Does this mean you are no longer a courtesan? How can this be? I hear you asking.

It's not that I am not a courtesan . . . rather it is that all my skills, all my time, and all my heart are devoted to one man alone in all of SL. I am the personal companion, or concubine if you will, of Draven Sautereau. I am coming up on my second rez day in 2 months, and a month after that is the anniversary of when I met Draven. We've actually just passed the one year mark of our decision to be exclusive to each other in SL. I think it is about time I made it clear up front here in the blog, too.

So today I am commemorating that by changing my profile on this page. From now on the "About Me" section reflects the fact that only for Draven does my SL heart beat. Scary isn't it that you can find something so real in a place made only of fantasies?

Courtesan's tip of the month: Mucho, Mucho Men!

Holiday season is on us and no doubt your schedule is as crowded as mine. Tonight a party with one special guy, tomorrow off to lunch with another, a sweet date lined up for New Years . . . and then there are all the IMs from the hotties you'd love to hook up with! How do you keep it all straight? A while ago in Cosmopolitan I found a great article with some salient advice for the girl juggling multiple men.

First and foremost don't let anyone tell you you can't play the field. This is the 21st century and our relationships have expanded to online romances! Why not do what men have been doing all along and indulge yourself with all the men you'd love to love? Cosmo's Guide to Dating Multiple Men says: "Dating a slew of studs simultaneously does wonders for your ego, your social life and (duh!) your chances of meeting Mr. Right. 'The more men you date, the better your odds of finding your perfect match,' confirms Jodie Gould, coauthor of Date Like a Man. The ideal setup, she says, is to have 'a pair and a spare,' meaning you should keep at least three Romeos in rotation at once."

The difficulty in RL is to keep them all from running into each other and to avoid double booking yourself (remember the restaurant scene in Mrs. Doubtfire). All that is, of course, much easier to handle in SL, which has much wider space and far less likelihood of bumping into your other men. The easiest way is, of course, to create different alts for each lover, but that does seem a bit shady. The best advice I have is to be open about it. Tell your fellas that you are not going to be exclusive from the start. Bear in mind that they also may be playing a field, and you will have to be one of several girls in their lives. Fair is fair after all!

More good advice? Get yourself a good dayplanner, or electronic calendar, or just keep good notes. You need to schedule carefully so you are not still with Lover-A when Lover-B's time rolls around! And remember, no matter how much fun Lover-A is, no fair standing up Lover-B. You can always schedule another run at Lover-A for tomorrow! The anticipation will make it all the sweeter! Now get out there and party!

Times and Tides of SL Romance

So this evening as I was hanging out in Draven's Airship just hoping for him to pop on, my sister Jhai showed up. We sat and chatted, compared RL notes, talked about work a bit, what I have been writing, what she has been up to (she has a poem in a new anthology just published this month--you go girl!). I was just telling her my latest story of dancing with Draven in Steelhead in the ballroom when Jinara stomped in all upset. "Men. I hate Men! They are never there when you want them. Never around unless they want something from you!" She threw herself onto the couch between Jhai and I.

I could see Jhai rolling her eyes, but I asked what the problem was anyway and Jinara launched into a diatribe about Hawk. It seems she has been IMing Hawk again with no response. I don't know if I've told you all about Hawk. He is quite the man of mystery. Big, bad, and biker looking kind of guy, doesn't say much, but, oh my, what a hottie. Tall, dark, eye candy!

Hawk joined our little clan together with Heron, a tall leggy blonde (well to be honest we Serendipity girls are all blonde except for Wren who is in a goth phase right now) who has attitude in spades. Now Heron may be Hawk's GF, or wife, or ex-lover, or sister, or something else entirely to him. No one seems to know but those two and they aren't telling. All I know is that that they were together a lot, and they do seem to know each other in RL as well as in SL. Of late, though, Heron has been hanging out in Club Vicious and Hawk has been taking Jinara out. Well, when he is inworld that is, which isn't often at all. Hence Jinara's pique.

Jhai, as usual, launched into her Mommy-mode and immediately began telling Jinara how she didn't need a man to make her complete. How the world doesn't revolve around sex, not what Jinara wanted to hear at all. "I love him," she wailed, "I want him so much, but he is never here when I am! I don't think he loves me as much as I love him!"

Now I have been through several men already with my friend Jinara. First it was Malcolm, but she doesn't talk about him much anymore, and in fact none of us have seen him on in months. Then it was my own Draven she had a crush on, but he treated her like a kid sister. And there were brief flirtations with a guy named Jordan, and the DJ, Hotflash, at Blue Noise. Now it is Hawk. But is it really true love this time for her?

"You have to have some faith in your man, Sweetie," I told her, "I am sure Hawk cares for you." I tried to explain that the thing about SL is that it really is--and it has to be--secondary to our various realities. I paused to look at the clock and realized how late it had gotten and that I would not be seeing my Draven either that evening. Still I wanted to be supportive of Jinara so I said, "I am sure Hawk has just been really busy. I am sure he'd be here for you if he could be."

"No! That's just it! He was here. I've been messaging him and messaging him. And then he came on when I was AFK and when I didn't answer he left again! It is just not fair," she cried, "Why don't I ever get a break in love!"

Jhai laughed out loud at that one and I shot her a look hoping she'd get the clue that this was not funny to Jinara. "Kid," Jhai said, "It is all just the turn of the wheel. One day the universe spins all your way, the next it smacks you in the face and dumps you on your ass. You just gotta pick yourself up and move on. Send him another message. If he gets it and if he feels the same way about you that you do about him, he'll be back . . . eventually." Jhai stood up and left then, telling us she had to get out of this den of raging hormones and that we should both try to "focus for once on something other than men, for heaven's sake!"

I just shook my head. I was thinking of all the couples in SL who think that they have found true love, but then give up on it in a matter of weeks, or even days. I thought about Draven and I who have been together almost 18 months now. Will we last? Can an SL only relationship really stand the test of time. I heard Jinara say it again, "I love him so much! I really, really need him!" I know just how she feels. But I told her I was calling it a night, and I left her there. To be honest I didn't want to think about how often our connections in the virtual world are messed up by the real world getting in our way. I left her sitting in the growing dark. Waiting and hoping that the man she wants so much to be with will return to her if she is just patient enough, for long enough. I sure hope he does. I hope it for both of us.

Of Being Birds and Designing Dresses

So Draven has been designing again. He has a new dress series called "Dove." Dove came out of a conversation about a tag Jinara picked for herself in our group. See we sort of accidentally developed this bird name thing.

The bird tags came about because Draven's shop is called Bird of Prey, and back when he started building he made a tag for himself to go along with that: "Black Crow." This is appropriate in many ways for him--he always wears black, his SL name comes from the movie The Crow, and like the ravens that sat on Odin's shoulders he is always quietly observant, collecting information about the world around. He gave me the nickname "White Crane" because of the Decemberists song "The Crane Wife," which, he said, made him think of me. I liked that since my name, Tsai, means white or pale, and because the crane is a symbol in Asian folklore for wisdom, virtue, and longevity. One Japanese tradition also says if you fold 1000 origami cranes your wish will come true. That also seems right to me as I'd like to think I've made a lot of men's wishes come true (wink!) in my day.

When Wren joined us in SL (or maybe I should say when Draven turned her on to SL) she picked her bird name purposely to match her brother's; her tag is "Dark Bird," very appropriate for my lover's goth-chick little sister. My own sister, Jhai, joined us not long after and she picked the tag "Silent Swan" (she's had a thing for swans ever since Mom put a swan on the cake for her sixth birthday, though Jhai is anything but silent!).

Up to that point Jinara had just worn the standard member tag in our group: "Balance Seeker." In fact it was Jinara who started the group, so she was rather opposed at first to the "bird trend" as she called it. But then a couple months ago some of us were sitting around the table in the dining room, Jhai and Draven with coffee cups in their hands while I was sipping green tea, when in strolled Jinara wearing a tag that read: "Soiled Dove."

Jhai nearly snorted her coffee through her nose. "OMG!" she said to Jinara, "Do you have any idea what a 'soiled' dove is?"

"I dunno. A pigeon maybe?" Jinara mumbled, looking puzzled, "I just heard it somewhere and kinda liked it."

"Oh, my dear girl, you just labeled yourself as a 'lady of the evening'!" replied Jhai, who was still chuckling as she (ever the teacher) explained it to a mortified Jinara, and a highly amused Draven and I.

It seems that in the 18th and 19th centuries the term "soiled dove" was applied in particular to gentlewomen (doves) who had fallen from some higher social strata into prostitution (thus soiled) by a need to support themselves after having been wronged and/or deserted by men. In fact, in one famous speech called the soiled dove plea, an attorney in 1889 convinced an all-male jury to acquit a woman facing prostitution charges by arguing that women were not to be blamed, but that it was instead men who should take the blame for the prostitution into which some women are forced.

I thought it was pretty funny that Jinara, who has been a dancer and a stripper but never an escort, should label herself as one inadvertently; while I, who have taken pay for my "services," was labeled as a crane, a sign of purity. No wonder Jhai found it hilarious!

I could see Draven's wheels turning as Jhai told the story, and I was right. Pretty soon he had the dress all planned out. Imagine the girl headed west to find the lover who has gone off to war--but he is not to be found. Her once beautiful best dress is eventually worn to shreds as she runs out of money and hope, and finally, in desperation, she turns to a life of prostitution to feed herself.

Draven built the dress with multiple looks. There is the pure white version, the white underdress with a softly dove-colored overdress, and then he made the same dresses in torn, tattered, and soiled fabrics. Both also come in long and short skirt versions.


This is me wearing the pure white Dove, and below I am wearing it with the overdress while standing to the left of Jinara who is wearing the Soiled Dove overdress version.

Funny thing about that tag "Soiled Dove" is that despite its connotations, Jinara (who is still young enough to disapprove of selling sex, of the SL escort business, with all the moral certainty of youth) is the one still wearing it.

Jinara and Hawk at Blue Noise

Jinara and Hawk at Blue Noise
Originally uploaded by Tsai Jie

Jinara sent me this pic of the new hunk in her life, Hawk. Seems they've been getting pretty cozy of late. You go girl!

Song du Jour: "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood

A song for you, Dabrin, Baby... and guess who the blonde tramp is?

Courtesan's Sex Tip of the Month: Getting it Wet

Nothing makes the end of the day more special than the thought of a hot bubble bath come the evening. And what better than a bath with your man? "Taking a bath à deux can be incredibly seductive," says Cosmo Magazine. "Just lathering up each other with bare hands is sensual and exciting. . . . So next time you're having a sexy suds-fest with your man, have him lie back, resting his head on the edge of the tub. Facing him, kneel over one of his legs (his thigh should be sandwiched between your thighs), and lower yourself onto him. When he's inside you, wrap your ankles around his calf so you're fully entwined. Then lean forward and hold on to the edge of the tub behind his head to support yourself as you glide back and forth over his body, rather than up and down. The zero gravity of the water gives you a wider range of motion than you'd usually have and lets you experience new sensations every time you alter your movements.

'This position creates a slower buildup, which can ultimately lead to an exciting climax,' says Susan Crain Bakos, author of The Sex Bible: The Complete Guide to Sexual Love. Don't worry about taking too long; you'll have plenty of time to enjoy it. 'Your man is getting less friction than he's used to, so it can delay his orgasm,' she adds."

Translating those moves into your second life is not as difficult as you might think. I know what you will say--a good sex-bathtub is hard to find. You can find sex-animated hot tubs in several shops in SL, and sex animations for showers are everywhere (though the best are still at Strokerz). The problem is that animated bathtubs seem to be a rarer animal. I found one at Neptune's Kiss which took a bit of negotiating. The pose balls slip underwater and you find yourself sitting on the edge of the tub rather than the balls. That is corrected by sliding your camera under the water to "see" and sit on the balls rather than on the edge of the tub, as I found myself doing over and over until I got the hang of it.

But remember, the best part of SL is the dialogue. Pick up any sex or even just a cuddle animation and slip it into your basic tub. Then you and your partner talk through the action. Describe your soapy hands sliding over his skin. Tell him in graphic detail what you want him to do to you, what you want to do to him, and how it feels. Let your imagination run wild, since the best part of sex in SL is that there is no discomfort! (No banging your knees on the side of the tub, no worrying about fitting into cramped tiny spaces, no face full of water when you "go down" on him. . . . ) As in all SL sex, the key is that the more specific and descriptive you make your language of lovemaking, the better the visualization becomes and the more intense the orgasm will be. So get out there, girls, and get wet! And then don't forget to take those Cosmo tips home to your RL lovers, too!

A song for my Malcolm: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

Quote of the Day: Oscar Wilde

"Men always want to be a woman's first love, women like to be a man's last romance." --Oscar Wilde