Virtual Romance takes a dive on XKCD

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Song du Jour: Kool and the gang "Too hot"

I remember how we made our way... so long ago you were my love... but what about the good times we shared?

I remember the fever ... in our hearts and our minds....

Quote of the day: Kahlil Gibran

"Ever has has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." --Kahlil Gibran

I hear the fat lady singing...

This has been a week of weird reflections for me. Thinking about the end of things. We are winding down to the end of the year. It is the end of the semester in school. In real life I am dealing with a death in the family.  But--and here is irony for you--it is the end of a love affair in Second Life that has hit me hardest of all.

I have avoided talking about all this in my blog here, because he never liked being the object of public discussion. He used to read my blog everyday. We used to chat everyday, we used to email, call, share our SL and RL lives. Then again, he used to love me. Ah well, things change. He doesn't read my blog any more (Google Analytics shows that to me). And he doesn't talk to me anymore. Not really. I get polite emails from time to time. Those friendly emails can hurt more than when we used to fight just because they are so polite, so cool. Distant, emotionless.

This week I realized (I have had some very long hours in the car thinking about stuff) that I have been spending most of 2009 waiting for "things to get better"--when all that happened was things got worse.

I could just count my blessings. I met him fell hard and fast, and had a glorious, wonderful, romantic nearly two years. Most of 2007 we were like (he used to say) teenagers in love. He was my obsession, and I was his. We couldn't keep our hands off each other.

All of 2008 we built our life together in Second Life. I gave him land in Valis for his rez day. We had an Italian villa he designed for me. He made me a studio to write in on the second floor. Then we bought airships and moved high in the sky. He had his shop on the ground. I was--still am--so very proud of his designs. We talked, laughed, had fun together. Couldn't bear to be apart for more than a day at a time.

Real life had demands on both of us. Real life came first we always said.

I remember once, after a fight, when we both went away angry and both immediately turned back around, he pointed out that we really were not capable of walking away from each other. He said: "I can't leave you. I always come back to you."

Here's a question: do we fall in love with a person? Or in love with the feeling of being in love? Or are they one and the same? What makes love go away? Do we just get tired of each other and the little annoyances become too much? How do you get around that? How do you make love last? Is it even possible?

And how do you let go when you don't want to let go? How do you by the one who left when it is a constant knife in the heart? Is it easier if you end it in anger? Because I can't be angry at him. I just hurt. All the time.

He said "Do you think we are the only star-crossed lovers that ever were? It will get better with time."

He was wrong. We are the only star-crossed lovers I ever was part of, and it isn't getting better.

The Absinthe Gown

Looking for something to wear to that holiday party? Check this out:
Tsai wearing Absinthe, originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.

The dress is called "Absinthe" by Bird of Prey Fashions. Comes in green and taupe. Torn black lace over-skirt and cape have tiny silver absinthe spoons as clasps.  Comes with bandeau top in lace or solid, camisole top in solid, matching glitch pants, matching gloves, and lace thong. It moves like a dream.

What the peacock is wearing is his own business.

xkcd -- a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language -- just go read it

 

I have starred in this movie, I swear! 

Go to the XKCD site to see this in all its original glory: http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/suggestions.png

Then read all the comics there. These guys are bloody brilliant!

Marry him, Sophira!

I was cleaning out my computer folders this morning and found this screenshot I took of the map in SL exactly one month ago. It feels so far away now. You see I was in-world moving my stuff out of Valis. It was the end of my home there. The end of everything Draven and I built together. The end of his love. The end of my world.

You can see my blue "home" location in the top left of the picture. You can see the yellow dot that is me standing there. That was the day I went in to take all my things out and leave the place to Draven. He had told me to "delete" his stuff and keep the place. Told me he was leaving Valis, maybe leaving SL, leaving me. I am still not entirely clear in my head where it all went wrong. We both had real lives that had to come first. But, oh, it was good--for 2 years it was so good. This last year, I don't know. It just all went wrong.

Valis was the first place in SL I could call home. I bought the land for Draven, for his birthday in 2007. Added to it so we could build on it. He used to yell at me for buying more and more land. I wanted more for more prims for him to build with. I so loved watching him build, seeing the gorgeous things he could create. He made me an Italian villa, and a gazebo full of stars, we had waterfalls and airships, boats and beautiful gardens on the land and in the sky.  We talked about someday owning a whole sim . . . I would have given him a continent if I could have.  But he was never comfortable with my gifts, I don't know why. I don't think he every understood that those were just things. The had no real value, the only value in the gifts is just to show someone how much you care about them. And I cared. Loved him. I still do, god help me.

So it was ironic to me that as I was dismantling my life in Valis with Draven--perhaps the most painful thing I have ever had to do--there on the map was this sim, Minacci, just to the south, covered in a marriage proposal. I think that might well be the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

Someone--someone very much in love with Sophira--wants to build a life with her. And he took a whole sim to spell out his love for her in letters of a dozen prims each. On a multi-prim platform in the sky.

I say marry him Sophira. Tell him you love him every single day. If you can't live with him in RL then live with him and love him in SL. Love every moment with him as if it is the last.

Hold onto him, Sophira, and don't ever let go.

Jamesen and Tsai

Jamesen and Tsai, originally uploaded by Tsai Jie.

It has been a rough few months for me. In RL, I just lost my father. In SL I lost a man I loved with all my heart, and with him went my faith in what I thought we ever meant to each other.

Jamesen has been with me through all of it. Listening, holding me when I need to be held. Being a shoulder to lean on. Real friends do that, they are there for you. They listen to you even when it is painful or opens their own wounds.

Thank you, Jamesen, for being my friend.